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Q&A: How Do I Stay Pure for My Future Husband?

Could you please give me some advice on how to stay pure for my future husband?

Answer:

Congratulations on your decision to wait until you’re married to have sex! God is beaming with pride right now and so is the staff at Project Inspired! I know it can be hard to stay on track in a culture that glamorizes sex, sexy clothes and hyper-sexual behavior, so here are a few suggestions that might help you stay the course:

  • Remain committed to your decision to NOT have sex until you’re married. People may try to convince you that it’s okay to have sex before you’re married, but remind yourself it’s GOD’s will that you wait. God is clear about that throughout the Bible! Also, keep in mind that it’s NEVER too late to make this commitment. Even if you’ve had sex before, you can start TODAY to choose to wait!
  • Read the Bible daily. Take time to read God’s Word daily. When you’re filled with the Word, it’s easier to fight temptation and unholy thoughts. Temptation will come at times, but when you’re well versed in the Word, it’s much easier to stay the course. Consider this passage:

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes…Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:11, 14-17).

  • Consider courting instead of dating. The difference between courting and dating is motive. The purpose of courting is to find your spouse, whereas dating is more casual. The problem is, dating may result in more premarital temptation. If you’re serious about waiting until you’re married to have sex, it may be a good idea to court instead of date. If you decide to court, consider waiting until you’re older and ready for marriage before entering into this kind of relationship.
  • Avoid temptation. If you do decide to date or even when you’re courting, do your best to avoid compromising situations. It might be a good idea to go out in groups to avoid a lot of alone time together. It’s probably also a good idea to avoid a lot of kissing and physical interaction that could lead to things going too far. Also, be sure to date boys who share your values–this will lessen the unnecessary pressure to have sex.
  • Spend time with peers who share your values. It’s easy to get distracted by people who don’t share your beliefs; therefore, it’s best to avoid these people as much as possible. Of course, it’s our responsibility as believers to love everyone, but it’s important to weed out unhealthy relationships from our inner circle. If someone is trying to undermine your values, you may want to consider putting some distance between you.

It’s great you’ve made such a Godly decision and I’m proud of you for being obedient to GOD and loving yourself enough to wait! Remember, if a boy doesn’t respect you enough to wait, then he may not be who God has intended for you.

Written By Aysha Ives

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COMMENTS 37

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by Elisa_GFB on July 12, 2013 at 17:31

    I’m waiting with patience & strength from God, I’ve had my first kiss already but I can still choose to wait to have my next kiss in a real apmarraige where God is always a bog part of it, I actually wish would have saved my kisses/dating but oh we’ll moving on , it’s amazing that God still loves us and gives us a another chances even when the world says different . That’s amazing , good post ! ❤

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by jojoluv on August 9, 2012 at 21:24

    Im 13 and it kind of scares me that theres so much pressure coming from movies,books,music etc. to have sex before your married. I am going to stay pure until Im married and surround myself with people that believe the same more often.I want to get a purity ring so I can remind myself that even though the world wants to pressure me into having sex God who is not of this world wants me to stay pure until Im married.

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by evangelight on May 25, 2012 at 18:17

    As its been stated that “your virginity is the gift u give one time” Why not realize the value of giving this gift it to your husband? Altho my marriage ended after 25 yrs when my husband backslid and divorced me causing tremendous hurt and grief .I have never ever regretted the purity I brot to the marriage bed . Also this something he lives with knowing I was a virtuous woman . I am free to pray for him even as Hosea prayed for his erring spouse. Trust me purity means more and more as u mature in the ways of God. No regrets!

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by horseluvr559 on May 5, 2012 at 12:01

    In my opinion, I don’t believe in courting. I find that you can set ground rules with the guy you’re dating and don’t have to have supervision, no kissing, and no “I love yous”

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by MoriahAnn on May 2, 2012 at 21:56

    i recommend reading I kissed dating goodbye and boy meets girl by joshua harris they are very insightful on courtship and God’s plans for singles

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by ilovejesus3546 on April 16, 2012 at 08:53

    Wow that is awesome! Im 17 and i never had a boyfriend, not because i wanted to wait.. its because a guy never liked me. I was soo sad when I found out a guy I liked never liked me back. and I thought I was so ugly to have a one. but reading this has made me have second thoughts about haveing a boyfriend and how God never wanted me to date them. To think he has a guy out there just for me, who would love me more than those guys I’d liked! I’m so happy I have a God who is watching out for me!

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by Avrie on April 5, 2012 at 12:42

    i love this! its so awsome :)

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by viprose803 on March 20, 2012 at 12:07

    what is the difference of “special friends” and “dating”?
    I would really like to know

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by lizziedee on March 11, 2012 at 22:04

    this makes me think of a part i read in a book.
    the guy gave the girl a present, and for a moment, she just sat there with it on her lap. “aren’t you going to open it?” he asked. “why?” she asked back. “i think that’s the purpose of a present, to be opened,” he said. “But then the unopened gift will be gone forever,” she said. then after another moment she opened it.
    i think that is what purity is like.

  10. Project Inspired

    Posted by 1dolphin on March 11, 2012 at 16:45

    This is an amazingly encoraging artical!!! I like a lot of the previous comments… I like hearing that there are others out there that are trying to hold the same standards!!!! This is awsome :)

  11. Project Inspired

    Posted by Bubbles on March 10, 2012 at 02:12

    i really wanted to wait..but it didnt work out the way i planned:( if you have a choice wait as long as possible!

  12. Project Inspired

    Posted by AllieKatFender on March 9, 2012 at 23:14

    I honestly don’t think kissing or even to an extent making out or dating are a sin, as long as you remain committed. It really kind of bugs me when people go around telling other people about their holier-than-thou decisions to be perfect. If you want to make that decision, thats great but don’t rub it in. It’s YOUR opinion on what is right, there is no biblical law against kissing or dating. Also, a big problem is when you make a promise too big to keep. You feel worse when you fail than if you had never made that promise.

  13. Project Inspired

    Posted by Mrs K on March 9, 2012 at 14:30

    I was 28 before I married my husband. The first time he held my hand was when he put the ring on it, the first kiss was at the altar. We wanted to have our first kiss be private so we talked about what we would do ahead of time. We purchased these super cute lace fans and each held one up to cover our faces for the “Big Moment”.
    Girls, from someone who’s been there, it’s the HARDEST THING YOU’LL EVER DO. It’s really hard to go through even a Bible college with pressure to date when you know you don’t want to marry any of those guys. I figured I would find Mr Right in college and marry at 22, right as I graduated. It didn’t work that way, I had to decide to keep my standards and trust the Lord.
    I lived in OK and he was from WA State. I’m not sure what we did at 2000 miles distance, but it was more like courting I guess. We talked (mostly on IMs) and really asked each other about our beliefs, expectations, hopes, dislikes, and so much more. It was a tremendous time in our lives.

    I’m so glad I did and you will be too.

  14. Project Inspired

    Posted by JewelofZion15 on March 9, 2012 at 12:50

    Thanks so much for the post. :) I’m determined to wait, because I feel it’s the most a girl can do for her husband is to save herself completely for him. Besides being a biblical and righteous thing to do, I find it very romantic. <3

  15. Project Inspired

    Posted by BriaLovesJesus on March 7, 2012 at 19:46

    even when I fall short of God by the thoughts i think sometimes, I still always remeber that its his will for me to wait until im married. (:

  16. Project Inspired

    Posted by JennaBel on March 6, 2012 at 16:07

    Totally! I got a Purity Ring for Chirstmas and it was one of the most wonderful gifts I’ve ever recieved!! It’s not only a promise to yourself, but to God also!! It serves as a reminder of my promise and I love it!! :)

  17. Project Inspired

    Posted by Kasey on March 6, 2012 at 15:19

    I have heard that everything you save for marriage, will become twice as special. Every time you kiss, hold hands, etc. it will remind you of your love and commitment to one another. <3

  18. kaka101

    Posted by kaka101 on March 6, 2012 at 13:45

    I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and im 17 and he is the only guy that I have dated in my life I think girls who date every guy they see don’t understand courting but it is a wonderful concept.

  19. kaka101

    Posted by kaka101 on March 6, 2012 at 13:43

    I have made this commitment to and this really helps me thanks for all that u guys do

  20. ams7298

    Posted by ams7298 on March 6, 2012 at 05:29

    Good article! I’m 13 and I want to be married by my 21st birthday! I also have made it a goal to never go on a single date in my whole life! Courting. That’s what I’ll do. I wear a purity ring that represents these promises to stay pure and these goals that I have. I have also decided never to remove it from my finger until my wedding ceremony. I think that my future husband is at least 18 by now… I’d like to marry a man who is a good few years older than me. But, I’m not too sure about his age, although an adult is what I have in my heart. I know that God will bring us together .. And I can’t wait for that day!
    I believe in arranged marriages that are only arranged by God. :)

    • harleylynn

      Posted by harleylynn on March 9, 2012 at 16:34

      You should join us in Girl Talk. We could use another friend

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by th3at3rn3rd96 on March 7, 2012 at 18:04

      ‘Want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans’ be careful of overthinking it too much… also, 21 is a little young to get married. your brain doesn’t stop maturing until you’re 27, 28.

    • garneraddy

      Posted by garneraddy on March 6, 2012 at 15:57

      LIKE!
      I also want to keep my purity ring. I picture my husband removing it to put on my wedding bands. Isn’t that a romantic picture?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Julia on March 6, 2012 at 14:44

      That’s awesome! I love your last quote: “I believe in arranged marriages that are only arranged by God” (:

  21. Project Inspired

    Posted by CelestialJewl on March 6, 2012 at 04:47

    It’s really hard since everyone is so stupid thinking you HAVE 2 have sex? I know 12 year olds doing it and I’m 14!!!! It’s so unfair….

    But I WILL do this.

  22. Project Inspired

    Posted by haley_nicole_4_Christ on March 6, 2012 at 03:58

    This was an amazing article! But how do I tell if someone is Atheist or if they’re just don’t go to church? Is there even a difference? :\

    • Guarded by Angels

      Posted by Guarded by Angels on March 15, 2013 at 16:40

      There is a difference between being an atheist and not going to church. Atheists believe in the ” Big Bang” and that we evolved. Some people who don’t go to church just don’t think there is a God. Some think that there is one but they don’t know who he is. Others in the new age movement believe that we ll have a “god” in us. They try to connect with the universe through meditation.Some people just might not think about it or consider themselves atheists when they really don’t know what atheists are. Hope this helps

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Kasey on March 6, 2012 at 15:21

      If their heart is following God, you will know. I know amazing christians who don’t go to church, and I know jerks who are church go-ers. If they truly love God, they will shine for him and you WILL know.

  23. Paris

    Posted by Paris on March 5, 2012 at 20:49

    I’ve decided to wait,too.Sex is even more special when you have it with your husband.

  24. Dragoncactus

    Posted by Dragoncactus on March 5, 2012 at 14:57

    Great post. I wish a friend of mine could have read this since the last time I talked to her, but it’s great that a lot of people still understand the principles underlined in the Bible.

  25. Project Inspired

    Posted by Serena on March 5, 2012 at 13:57

    could you define court a little better? or even do an essay on it? ive always been curious :D

  26. Champ2343

    Posted by Champ2343 on March 5, 2012 at 11:13

    I love this article! I want to stay pure for my husband, but don’t know where to start. This article will give me helpful advice, so thanks! Keep on shining for God!

  27. Project Inspired

    Posted by amanda1 on March 5, 2012 at 09:00

    I TOTALLY agree with all of this! I have chosen courtship and plan to save my first kiss until my wedding day. :D