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TODAY’S HOT TOPIC: Bieber and Gomez Split! Will Past Reminders Taint Their Future Marriages?

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have broken up. And along with the initial newsflash, many online media organizations are offering a visual timeline of the couple’s relationship, from the time they met to their last moment captured together.

Every kiss, hug and PDA is available for fans to remember and feel sadness over. If it’s bad for the fans, imagine what it’s like for Bieber and Gomez. I feel really bad for them.

Should Bieber and Gomez not reunite but get married to other people down the road, how will their spouses feel every time they see an image of their loved one in a passionate embrace or lost in a kiss with their ex? How will the children of these celebs feel seeing Mom or Dad with someone else? How would you feel if that was your husband in the pictures above? Even though it’d be in the past, wouldn’t you still be hurt by them?

In Hollywood, it’s the media that memorializes your past relationships everywhere. In the real world, we do it with photographs and home movies. But would you like to see pictures and home movies of your husband with his ex or even exes? Some pictures can’t be erased or torn up when other family members are in them. Special occasions such as Christmases and birthday parties can’t be thrown away.

Your marriage may be a long way away, but every relationship you have until then will affect it. Dating builds a lot of history, emotions, memories and hurt feelings. So would it be better to just avoid dating altogether?

With courting, you don’t have to be reminded of the boys in the past that you gave your heart to–or had your heart broken by. With courting, you can save your intimate moments for your future husband and your married life together.

What do you think, ladies? Do you think reminders of past relationships can taint a marriage in the future?

More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

Taylor Swift’s Ex-Inspired Songs — Proof That Courting Is Smarter Than Dating?

Should Christians Date? Part I: The Difference Between Courting And Dating

Why is Project Inspired so obsessed with celebrities?

 

Image: popeater.com

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50 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by misstoria on January 6, 2013 at 21:07

    I just found this article and i totally agree. I’m still in high school and have had one serious relationship and am currently in another. My first ended when he committed suicide. I loved him dearly and his memory still haunts me. No matter what those memories will and have affected my relationship. A past serious relationship is something you will have to approach with caution and handle with consideration.

  2. Purpledup

    Posted by Purpledup on December 4, 2012 at 14:43

    I whole-heartedly agree!

  3. XcanaceX

    Posted by XcanaceX on November 29, 2012 at 14:23

    Not to offend anybody on here or anything, but I really dislike the idea of “courting”. First of all, it just seems to me like a glorified, fancy way of saying “in a serious relationship”. There is absolutely no reason in the world that you can’t find your true love through dating. And I’ve never ever heard a married person, Christian or not, say ANYTHING along the lines of “I wish my spouse hadn’t dated anyone before me” or “My spouse can’t love me with her/his whole heart because (s)he dated other people.” I think that’s selfish and close-minded. We’re supposed to live the lives God gave us to the very fullest. Having fun, making memories, learning lessons. I started seeing my first boyfriend when I was fourteen, and we dated for over a year before we broke up. Am I glad we did? Yes. Do I regret dating him in the first place? Absolutely not. Because during that year we dated I learned a lot about love, relationships, and communication that I never would have learned otherwise, and that I believe WILL come in very handy when I do get married. I don’t know about you, but personally I’d much rather marry somebody that had dated other girls just as pretty, smart and loving as me. Because out of all the other girls he could have had, he picked ME. Not the girl with big boobs, or the girl that went to Harvard, or the girl with the gorgeous blue eyes. Not the girl that found something positive to say about everyone, not the girl that loved unconditionally and went to church every Sunday. But ME, because he sees something special in me that he didn’t see in them. I’d much rather have that, than somebody who was like “Oh, I’ve never even held hands with another girl but me and my parents totally think you’re the one God wants me to marry so I guess I’m stuck with ya!”
    If you’d rather stick to courting, fine, go for it. You and your dad go pick out some guy you think God wants for your husband. But I’m going to go out there and live my life to the fullest. I’m going to date whoever I want, and if it doesn’t work out, fine. I’ll be heartbroken for a while, but in the end it won’t leave a gaping hole in my heart for eternity. It’ll take that gaping hope and mend it, grow it back not only ready to love again, but ready to love a little bit wiser, a little bit stronger, and with a little bit more passion. And I’ll forget the sadness of my past relationships but remember all the good parts, the happiness and laughter we shared. And I think God will be glad that I went out there and experienced that beautiful, bittersweet, irreplaceable thing He made and called Life.

  4. Laura

    Posted by Laura on November 19, 2012 at 14:07

    I love this post! I’m reading the book “Boy Meets Girl” by: Joshua Harris. He summarizes this topic perfectly. That we should say goodbye to dating and welcome in a new way of thinking about relationships.

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by misssproat on November 18, 2012 at 13:40

    I think that if a boy asks me out I will pray and wait for God’s answer. I think we need to stop forming our own opinions based on others and the media. If God wants me to go out with a boy and develop a relationship then get broken up with, so be it. All things work for good.

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by midkid4jesus on November 18, 2012 at 12:11

    wow i so agree. i vowed a long time ago that i was saving my first kiss for my wedding day. i don’t want to have to regret ANYTHING that i’ve done with past boyfriends when i get up to the altar on my wedding day.(:

    • Laura

      Posted by Laura on November 19, 2012 at 14:08

      Same here! Have you read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”? I highly recommend it!

  7. Jesuskissed

    Posted by Jesuskissed on November 17, 2012 at 16:48

    What is the difference between dating and courting?

  8. Trinity

    Posted by Trinity on November 17, 2012 at 09:51

    I don’t think the pics will be that big of a deal a few years down the road. I mean, when you date someone, you have to accept that they’ve dated- and probably kissed- other people. My current boyfriend used to date my best friend, and it doesn’t bother me when I think about them kissing or whatever. I think people just need to get over whatever happened when they were stupid teenagers and move on. Just my opinion.

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by Kim12397 on November 17, 2012 at 04:49

    In these pictures I noticed she’s wearing a bikini, is it wrong to wear them?

    • sisterwhocares

      Posted by sisterwhocares on November 18, 2012 at 17:24

      There are some (but they are very, very rare) modest bikinis out there designed more for athletic purposes than for sex appeal. Most bikinis, however, are designed to be sexy (esp the one Gomez is wearing). So wearing a bikini is not a recommended idea

  10. bethluvstheafters

    Posted by bethluvstheafters on November 16, 2012 at 19:49

    This is really sad 🙁 Especially, as you mentioned, how their future husband/wife would feel seeing these photos.

  11. Project Inspired

    Posted by LiveLoveLaugh459 on November 16, 2012 at 18:51

    It was so sad when they broke up 🙁 Good article, though 🙂

  12. GoatyGirl

    Posted by GoatyGirl on November 14, 2012 at 20:26

    I think that you make a very good point. But I don’t see an issue with smart dating. My go-to rule is that I won’t do anything that I wouldn’t do in front of my parents, or I won’t do anything I wouldn’t want them to hear about. And that’s been my guideline since the first time I held his hand. Sometimes my mom hears aout stuff and teases me about it, (because he IS my first boyfriend), but I never do anything I would hahve to hide from her. So I hug my boyfriend, I lean my head on his shoulder, I hold his hand, and I’ve kissed him on the cheek once. And I know that I’m never going to regret anything I’ve done. I know that God’s always watching, but it’s harder to keep yourself accountable to Him just because He isn’t a flesh and bone person. (Let’s ALL be honest!) But if you don’ care if your parents know, then I going to say it’s a safe bet that you won’t mind your future spouse knowing.

  13. Project Inspired

    Posted by ForHim15 on November 14, 2012 at 15:28

    The thing about Selena and Justin is that they are celebrities. They can do very little about the pictures that other people take of them. In a way, I understand what you are saying, but I also believe that plenty of other people have had relationships like theirs and split, marrying other people. The misfortune for these two is that their past relationship has been photographed, whether they like it or not. I don’t believe it can be blamed on them.

  14. ShareSomeFire

    Posted by ShareSomeFire on November 14, 2012 at 12:32

    I totally agree. I had one boyfriend about a year and a half ago and I’m so glad that it was as insubstantial physically as it was. I really don’t want to ruin my marriage with that stuff! Also, you can’t just assume you’ll be married someday so you think it’s okay to do it all beforehand. You have no idea what will happen even when you’re engaged! Plenty of people get left at the altar! Save yourselves!

  15. Paris

    Posted by Paris on November 14, 2012 at 01:44

    If you’ve had a history of bad relationships or doing wrong in relationships,it will have a bad effect. But,in a hollywood relationship,you have to be strong because you know that person might have dated other celebrities.

  16. JoyofJesus

    Posted by JoyofJesus on November 13, 2012 at 23:39

    I agree with you!! I heard this from a girl in my youth group “purity is like a wrapped birthday gift. The first time you hold a guys hand you’ve torn paper away from the gift. Once you kiss a guy you’ve torn away another piece and by the time it get’s to your husband there is nothing special for him to unwrap”.

    Selena and Justin have both torn away several pieces that now they have nothing special for there “husband/wife”, and now not only that, but there mate will constantly be reminded that they didn’t get anything special out of the marriage.

  17. Owllover

    Posted by Owllover on November 13, 2012 at 14:10

    What is exactly is the difference between courting and dating?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by sunnylass on November 13, 2012 at 17:58

      Normally when you date, you aren’t really very serious, you can really like that person but you normally don’t have big intentions for getting married to that person when you first start dating. Where as with courting, you are much more serious and you only start courting when the prospect of marriage is much more prominent. That is more of the strict sense of it.I think that if you date, it should be when you’re older, I do not think that more serious dating is wrong (when you are older and can get married) but the type of dating that people do now days is not serious, you may love the person but there is no real commitment and lots of the time it is just dating a person you think is hot or cute, or maybe you like her a little. I think that when you date it should be more on the lines of courting, you should be more careful when choosing who you date, that way you do not have so many breakups and heartbreaks. But I personally think that dating is not wrong, but it just depends on your interpretation of the word dating.

  18. lilyworshipsongs

    Posted by lilyworshipsongs on November 12, 2012 at 22:00

    1. I i have to say i dont like jb at all…so right on selene! 2. I think yeah, the more your heart is broken by guys the harder it is to trust the right one. It would also be hard for me even after I get married to see picture my husband (who I have not met yet, only 13 here.) with an ex.

  19. Nellie

    Posted by Nellie on November 12, 2012 at 20:49

    funny story, everyone here is talking about dating and stuff.. idk this just reminded me of something someone said today in class…
    it was almost time to go
    this guy was doing a poll on what people call their boyfriend/girlfriend other than their name..
    I was like… “I’ve never had a boyfriend” and he was surprised like, “Never?!” hmm yes i am sixteen and never even had a guy ask me out. And i’ve really only had a “crush” on one guy. Once. thats it. I dont mind it all that much because i know that i just haven’t found the right guy yet, many never do until they are older anyway so why hurry?

    • texasgirl

      Posted by texasgirl on November 13, 2012 at 16:50

      Amen!!!! My friend is like “Forever alone,” and were only in 9th grade!! nutzo

  20. Project Inspired

    Posted by AngelBookGal on November 12, 2012 at 20:10

    Personally, I don’t believe in courting. It works for some people, but I feel that dating teaches more lessons about how to deal with people. I also feel that some people associate dating with impurity, which isn’t true.

  21. jesslt

    Posted by jesslt on November 12, 2012 at 18:58

    Okay here are my kinda philosophical views on dating, and by no means do I say this is for everybody, but I hope they are Biblically based. Let me know what you think.

    If you go to the very beginning of Genesis in the Bible, it says, God created Man and Woman. And, Genesis 2:20-24 says explains that there was no companion suitable for him, until he made Eve. From this I kinda of figured that God has that perfect someone for every one out there. Emphasis on the “Someone”- meaning one person.

    My philosophy on Dating- The idea that there is One perfect (from God with Love kinda) person out there for everyone. : )

    There are many Christians out there, I being one of them who are not dating because they are not worried about finding that special someone. They are trusting God to do that for them, when the time is right.

    Here’s a link ( I hope it works), to BarlowGirl, a Christian rock/pop group, talking about ,mid-way through on the video, about there stance on dating,
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqNvWgUzqQw

  22. vanilla

    Posted by vanilla on November 12, 2012 at 18:10

    I think dating can be okay, if done correctly. But whether you date or court, I think the physical side of things should be kept to a minimum. I know some people have different opinions, but personally I don’t see the point of kissing a guy that you’re not going to marry.

    • sisterwhocares

      Posted by sisterwhocares on November 18, 2012 at 17:20

      Exactly! People don’t usually like to think of dating and sex too from a sanitary perspective, but if you look at the facts, when you kiss someone, you are sharing not only your heart, but your bodily fluids with them too. And the same is with sex, plus, from a technical stance, when you are having sex with someone and exchanging fluids with them, you are also picking up fluids from the last person they had sex with. Yuck!

  23. lizzie-97

    Posted by lizzie-97 on November 12, 2012 at 15:03

    I agree with you. But I also think that you can use the term “dating” and still glorify God. It doesn’t matter if you use the word court or date. As long as you are doing it with the right intentions.

    • Eurydice

      Posted by Eurydice on November 12, 2012 at 17:56

      Well said. Courting just has so many icky connotations. It’s becoming a four-letter word in my circle of Christian friends, if you know what I mean.

  24. Abby4Him

    Posted by Abby4Him on November 12, 2012 at 12:24

    They really can, however, I don’t really think courting is better then dating because with courting, you have to date to get into the relationship. You can’t just start getting closer to a person and thinking “I’m going to marry them”. You need to get to know them and you do that through dating.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by ali101love on November 19, 2012 at 23:15

      You don’t need to date to start a courtship. I’ve heard another person say that before, but it isn’t correct… Courtship existed before dating did. With courtship, all you need to start with is a friendship. It helps to have family involved, cause then if any guy expresses interest in you you can tell him “Go talk to my dad/mom/other authority figure” and trust that they’ll know how to evaluate them to see if they’re the kind of person you want to marry(give that family member a list of qualities you want in your future husband).. Then you just continue getting to know them as a friend and also see if the hopes and plans they have for their future works with yours.

      The main difference between courtship and dating though, is romance. In courtship you try to start with it being pretty much unexistent, cause you’re wanting to save as much of your heart for the person you know you’ll marry so you don’t have only a small, used or broken heart left to give…the romantic stuff gets saved for were it will be most beautiful and most cherished.

      With dating, romance is really the number one thing… So you give pieces of your heart away with each person you date..and the relationships end when people don’t feel they’re getting what they wanted… So then, you’ve told them you love them, shared with them so much that is on your heart, held hands, kissed them and maybe even more….then they, very often, leave and you’re left feeling like you have nothing.

      Both have hurts if it’s broken off, but dating leaves you with less of a heart.

  25. HurricaneMurphGirl

    Posted by HurricaneMurphGirl on November 12, 2012 at 11:57

    I’m sorry but, I really don’t see the difference between courting and group dating… They seem exactly the same to me. Would someone mind clearing my confusion???

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by ali101love on November 19, 2012 at 23:00

      When you court, you’re also deciding to save any intimacy for marriage… Kissing..stuff like that. Yes, there still would be at least some hurt if it got broken off…there’s really no way to avoid that when you love someone. But physical intimacy would make it harder, and could even make it harder to FULLY love your spouse in the future…
      Though courtship does make heartbreak more avoidable, the main purpose is not that. It’s to find the person who suits you and your future.
      What my family is gonna do is have any guy that expresses interest in me or my sisters go to my dad, then he will evaluate them. My dad has a list of qualities i would like/need in a husband(plus his own wisdom), so he will know if a guy would be suitable for me..and after some time of just them getting to know each other, if my dad thinks he’s the kind of guy i would want to marry, he’ll ask me if i want to court this guy, and if i say yes then our courtship can begin. Then we’ll get to know each other as better friends, talk about future plans and hopes and make sure that it would be something that would work out…and of course, pray about it..if it wouldn’t work, we’d cut it off before things could get out of hand; but if it could work then we’ll continue courting, eventually fall in love, get engaged and married.

      I’m thankful to have my family as a part of this all with me…i know each of them will help me so much through it..! Honestly, they’re a vital part. I went through a lot with a guy within the first half of this year…i thought i was going to marry him. But i didn’t have my family included in most of it; my dad didn’t know anything about courtship yet, and after a while it actually got hard to be completely honest with them….and i wanted so much to be truthful..!
      If i would have had them in on it all, so many stupid things wouldn’t have happened…they would’ve been able to point out areas that i need to strengthen, as well as areas he needed strength in too… They would’ve been able to help me see that some stuff was very foolish of me…would’ve helped me to make wiser choices. We can only see things from our own point of view, and when you start to fall in love that view can get a bit clouded…they would’ve been other views that could’ve helped me keep my head on straight….

      But yeah… Sorry i trailed off into a bit of a rant..! I hope that’s helpful…

      Also though, it’s important to be careful what you speak to each other about. If you wouldn’t say it to just any guy, it probably wouldn’t be wise to say while courting. No matter how innocent it is, if it isn’t something you would say to another person, it could be too much for that time.

      • HurricaneMurphGirl

        Posted by HurricaneMurphGirl on November 21, 2012 at 00:01

        I see! Thanks so much for the clarification! And I think it’s very cool that your family is involved like that. It’s what I want when my life gets to that point! Although I’m still a little skeptical about the whole “courting not dating” thing…

    • tmgaouette

      Posted by tmgaouette on November 12, 2012 at 12:28

      Briefly, dating is more of a casual, often intimate relationship. Usually, couples date when they’re attracted to each other, but there’s no expected long term commitment. Couples who court are ready to settle down and they’re learning about each other for the purpose of marriage. They don’t just pick a person because they’re attracted. They’re picking a spouse. If it doesn’t work out. They can still break it off.

      • HurricaneMurphGirl

        Posted by HurricaneMurphGirl on November 12, 2012 at 15:00

        Thanks so much for the explanation! It had always confused me. =) But I must ask, doesn’t courting have the potential to hurt you just as much or more? I mean, if you’re courting, then you really honestly do think that you’re going to get married, right? So you’d be really happy and excited because you thought you found your spouse, right? So, what happens if they break it off? Maybe it’s just me, but if I had been courting someone, and was really seriously thinking that we were going to get married, and then the other person broke it off, I’d be heartbroken. That sounds almost as bad as a divorce would be, instead of just liking a boy and you spend time together getting to know the other better, and one or both of you decide that it wasn’t working out. Perhaps I’m just confused, though.

  26. violinist4Him

    Posted by violinist4Him on November 12, 2012 at 11:51

    This is probably the best article I’ve ever seen on this site. I love it sooooo much!!!! Thank you!!!

    • tmgaouette

      Posted by tmgaouette on November 12, 2012 at 12:19

      I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you and God bless!

  27. Annabanana

    Posted by Annabanana on November 12, 2012 at 11:28

    I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you to whoever wrote this… <3

  28. 1faithgirl

    Posted by 1faithgirl on November 12, 2012 at 11:01

    thank i like it alot and this should the girl out there that they can find a guy for them but sometime it not be the rite guys they should wait until GOD gave them the ok

  29. Dancer16

    Posted by Dancer16 on November 12, 2012 at 10:09

    You’re so right! Even though most girls won’t have the media constantly reminding them of boyfriends past, you’ve still given your heart to someone who is no longer a part of your life. That’s why courting is so much smarter than dating.

  30. his98child

    Posted by his98child on November 12, 2012 at 08:44

    Great message and great post! Thanks!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by ella.mckenzie.17 on November 12, 2012 at 14:38

      I told my mom, “They were going to get married,” to which she replied: “No, they weren’t. They used that as an excuse to have sex.”
      She hit the nail right on the head.