What to Do When You’re Feeling Like “Second Choice” in Your Friendships
Written by Christi Given
Posted on November 3, 2016 at 5:45 am
Every week I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian walk of faith and any other topics! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions and become bold in your faith. We love you, PI readers!
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This week on the High School forum on the Girl Talk section of PI, a girl posted:
“I have two strong Christian best friends in my school. I am a junior in HS, and it has taken me FOURTEEN YEARS to find these two girls that make me feel like I belong somewhere…except lately, they haven’t.
“I know I don’t need a lot of friends to be happy. But these two girls, who have always been there…I am coming in second place with them. They have found other, more significant people to do life with. They are my best friends, but I am not theirs. I’m not saying they can’t have other friends…but I’m tired of coming in second.
“I’m tired of being replaced.
I’m tired of not being good enough.
I’m tired of hearing them tell me all about their new best friends, when I’m just sitting there, like, STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE.
“I can’t take it! I try to still love them. I try to be kind. I try to show God’s love to them. I still invest, I still try. In fact, I invited them to come watch the movie Priceless with me this Friday. But if all they are going to do is talk about their “real life besties who are like family,” then I don’t know if I even want to go…. Any advice?”
First off, I am so sorry you are feeling left out and not enough. Sometimes in life we just feel like we don’t measure up and never are enough, and that is not a good feeling at all. I pray the Lord Jesus’ peace all over you now and that you will remember that even Christ suffered and was mocked and betrayed, even by those He loved. You are NOT alone and many people feel this way at times.
I would say the smartest and wisest thing to do in the situation is to pray and ask God to give you the words to say. I want to add that when you pray, ask for wisdom in the situation.
Next, I would reach out and confront the girls in a kind and gentle way so that they are aware of your feelings. Don’t make it a pity party, just maybe tell one at a time and just mention that you would like to be a part of the fun, too!
Third is, as I mentioned, to confront it, but honesty in communication is key. I wouldn’t dramatize the situation, and would refrain from gossiping. Really try to kindly share in a way that comes off truthful, but how you would want someone to speak to you if you were in their shoes.
Next, if you’re unsure what to say to a friend who is excluding you or making you feel “less than,” ask God, your mom or youth pastor for advice. Hopefully they can guide you to the right wording and delivery of how you share with your besties.
Finally, if at the end of the day things change and they are not true friends in love and receiving you, then forgive and seek out other friends and also pray that God will touch their hearts. Hopefully it will all be smoothed over and you can all forgive each other peacefully.
To sum up:
1. Pray. Seek God.
2. Ask God for the words to say. Communication is key.
3. Refrain from gossip. Tell each friend and avoid dramatizing the situation. Tell them how you would want to be told.
4. Ask a parent or youth leader for specific help with how to express your thoughts.
5. Love, forgive and meet new people. If they are not receptive to your feelings, maybe it’s a sign they aren’t true friends. Either way, forgive, and also find the girl who is left out and befriend her. Love like Jesus did…hopefully all will work together for your good!
PI Girls, how can we pray for you and your friends? Comment below!