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Christian Life

10 Things Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

Bullying has become a huge problem in schools. And because social media has made it easier to contact people and share information, bullying now comes in many formats.

In order to deal with bullies, it might help to understand how they tick! I’m going to offer up a few secrets about bullies, and they may just surprise you.

Before you delve into this list, however, know that not all bullies fall into all of these categories. But it’s more than likely that every bully falls into at least a few!

So here goes:

  1. It’s not easy being a bully. It’s true! Imagine having to maintain your status as a bully. It means you have to continue bullying, and that can be exhausting.
  2. They’re desperately unhappy. Anyone who is truly happy would never have the desire to hurt others. Only unhappy people take out their frustrations on other people. Only unhappy people are mean. They’re miserable, so they want others to feel the same way.
  3. They’re insecure. Contrary to the popular notion that bullies have a superior attitude, deeper than that are feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. Bullies pick on others because it takes the focus off of themselves and what they believe are their weaknesses.
  4. They’re envious of their victims. There’s something a victim has that a bully wants! Maybe the victim is prettier in the bully’s eyes, or smarter, or maybe the bully’s crush likes the victim. Or maybe the victim is confident or secure in her own skin—something the bully wishes she could be—and so the bully is jealous of that and wants to destroy that confidence. The bully doesn’t have it, so why should you?
  5. They’re trying to impress the cool kids. Or they want to be cool! When bullies bully, others laugh or follow along. And bullying can lead to popularity. It has to do with hierarchy, and ultimately goes back to #3: insecurity.
  6. They’re not strong. Think about it: Most bullies surround themselves with others. Strength is in numbers. If those people desert the bully, she loses her strength. She actually needs them.
  7. They want attention. Maybe they’re not getting attention at home. Maybe a parent is neglecting them. Maybe they can’t make friends the regular way. So a bully resorts to picking on others to get attention.
  8. They don’t want to be bullied. Bullies do not want to be bullied. Often, they become the bully so that they won’t be bullied. The big fear of a bully is meeting her match. What if the person she picks on fights back or makes her look bad? This is why she often has an entourage—for support.
  9. They are being bullied. Many bullies are actually being bullied somewhere else in their world. It could be their parents, siblings or other people they interact with on a regular basis.
  10. They’re afraid. Bullies are afraid of a lot of things. They’re afraid of being deserted by their peers. They’re afraid that people will learn that they’re not as strong as they act. They’re afraid that you’ll find out all of the above!

Ladies, bullies are often dealing with personal issues that are painful. This certainly doesn’t give them a reason to behave the way they do. But it does demonstrate that bullies need your prayers. I know that’s the last thing you want to do for a person who may be bullying you, but remember, God is your strength. And He can soften even the hardest of hearts.

PI Girls, what do you think about the above list? Share your story…we love to hear from you!


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  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by Fourninefournine on July 19, 2017 at 23:05

    Remember to pray for people like this! And pray for the bullied and the onlookers to find Christ and have courage

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by Fourninefournine on July 19, 2017 at 23:04

    Remember to pray for people like this!

  3. CinnamonCow16

    Posted by CinnamonCow16 on April 9, 2015 at 12:30

    This comes nowhere near to what other girls are facing, but here goes. I have been and most likely am being gossiped about. And I know at least two reasons why. But now I know a lot more, and I realize instead of being mad at them, I should pray my heart out for them and love on them. And I’m so glad because I’m getting opportunities to do that.

  4. USGIRL95

    Posted by USGIRL95 on March 20, 2015 at 14:20

    I remember being picked on every week in Public School, I did a lot of research on my condation autism that’s makes me a target still, the worse of it was the adults were bullying me last few years of grade school, I still ‘ve emoital scaring from previous three years of being bullied,. not everyone is blessed with a school system that is willing to help special needs students I was in special needs that made me often feel inscure hurt, angry, I was a an angry kid after that, I been speaking bout 12 years now, I broke out of my sclinces six years of unable to talk like u guys, I was lied to, talked bout behind my back, by my peers & adults., I remember three girls yelling at the adults leave Jessica alone,, that special needs classroom made me upset., the adults who were aides drove me up to the walls, it created a lot of anxiety, bully tacts, they lied to me & my parents, the first two adults I could trust a lot they stopped me peers from bullying me encouraged me to stand up!,
    from eight/half -thirteen years old trust with them was crushed.
    my friend was bullied also, not been allowed to stand up for myself made me want to commit sudice,
    my friend ‘h anttion issues her mother ingroed her a lot I remember she was yelled at yet my peers didn’t really like her I was angry at them I was treated badly she was treated like Cindrella all the time, I few times looked at her mother in the eye a look that made her mother stop., yes she was bullied by her mom, & sisters, I said quite yelling & canplaning bout your sister I wish I ‘h my o sister around when I was a kid,.
    she evnetelly became a bully she was angry took it out on me, I knew the truth those kids thought its was funny to laugh at me, I didn’t apericte being told to shut up,. adults went over their bounderies,
    VBS & church were escape from bullying, \
    I was bullied last May track & felid compostion summer games, she was a friend I ended it.,

    Leviticus 19:18 KJV
    18Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself: I am the Lord.
    I learned not to take revenge on my peers or adults who bullied me I wanted to I knew its was wrong,
    its ok to be angry at times than let it go,..

    2 Timothy 1:7 KJV
    verse 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and a sound of mind.
    1 John 3:15 KJV
    15Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath enternal life abiding in him.
    scoitey teaches us to hate our enemies its sad & shameful I don’t hate my sister sure I don’t like the thing she has done in life its the past..,
    Deuteronomy 31:5 KJV
    6Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord they God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
    Matthew 5:11
    11Blessed re ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
    Proverbs 17:9
    9 Whosoever would foster love covers over an offense,
    verseb but whosoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

    that’s how you look Bibcaly to handle being bullied

  5. kate800

    Posted by kate800 on March 20, 2015 at 13:30

    I was horribly bullied in pretty much every possible way (verbally, physically, emotionally) for my first nine years of school, from kindergarten – 8th grade. Luckily for me, I went to an amazing high school were bullying is practically non-existent because there’s so much diversity. I love my school because everyone genuinely seems to care about each other, even if they’ve never met. I feel like I can walk up to anyone and be received at the very least politely.
    However, when I was in the fourth grade I was so angry and insecure that I became a bully myself, especially to my brother. While I was angry at the kids that bullied me, most of my anger was directed at myself, for not being “good enough.” Through most of my life, my greatest fear is feeling out of control. And when I bullied my brother, it made me feel powerful, like there was something in my life I had control over. This is also why I eventually turned to self-harm, so I could gain control over my emotions after being diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder, and why being in an abusive relationship was so horrific.
    But I’ve also learned that giving control over to God (while never easy), is a deeply humbling experience, and I can happily say that I’ve been bully-free for a long time now 🙂 And I, too, can see things from both sides.

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by Abbydabbydoodle on February 6, 2014 at 05:39

    I’m being bullied on my COLLEGE cheer team. Hate to say it to the younger girls but it doesn’t stop in high school

  7. kungfugirl

    Posted by kungfugirl on December 3, 2013 at 13:09

    I am kind of scared of getting bullied now. Yesterday I learned that I may have a condition called synesthesia. Basically when i hear music I see a colour or I think numbers have personalities. It’s actually really cool.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Alyssa R. on March 22, 2015 at 15:52

      “Condition?” I actually kind of wish I had that! I have an imagination that works kind of like that, on a smaller scale (I hate the word “normal,”) but I have to think about it and work for it, and it’s not the same as actually having my senses fully connected that way. It sounds overwhelming, but fun and really great for anything creative! 😀

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by MoreThanRubies on December 4, 2013 at 09:13

      Synesthesia is actually really, really cool sounding. I’ve researched it before, after reading about it. Know that God made you perfectly, and though you may be a little different, it really is such a cool difference. I would think it to be distracting, but maybe you can reach people through your condition?

      • kungfugirl

        Posted by kungfugirl on December 5, 2013 at 16:51

        It’s not really a condition. I like to call it a ‘rare blessing’. tee hee

  8. Queen E

    Posted by Queen E on November 28, 2013 at 22:26

    Once I was bullied, and did a few mean acts myself, and I see now from being both the attacker and the victim the mentality and I love how the author made it so real and personal

    • tmgaouette

      Posted by tmgaouette on December 5, 2013 at 08:13

      Wow! Thank you so much for offering perspectives from both sides of the spectrum. Best and blessings, TMG

  9. cupquakes

    Posted by cupquakes on November 27, 2013 at 22:15

    I agree with this a lot. A bully is usually someone who is broken on the inside and they just want to be accepted. If someone bullies you, show them that you’re there for them and that you care. I had a friend who was being bullied and she invited them to our church and that changed the bullies life. She stopped bullying people and started to stand up against other bullies.

  10. Project Inspired

    Posted by Allie_29 on November 27, 2013 at 08:40

    I absolutley loved this. One of my guy friends in my class parents died a couple months ago. It’s amazing how you try to show them love and it’s Gods plan and then you face the anger from that person and instead your no longer close . It broke my heart. I’m still hoping that God will help us both . I know I’m still not finished with him ,but I know it won’t be easy! I pray that God will give me the strength to talk about him to my friend again. God Bless!

  11. Swifty13

    Posted by Swifty13 on November 26, 2013 at 17:15

    I totally agree I’ve seen people bullied and been bullied by people who I see In groups of friends where the pick on the bully. I think sometimes the bully is just looking for something to boost their self esteem.

  12. IdaPahus

    Posted by IdaPahus on November 26, 2013 at 11:00

    So true!! Great list and I totally agree!

  13. Mandi Pi

    Posted by Mandi Pi on November 26, 2013 at 09:33

    True dat!