10 Truths About Modesty

    Hey, sweet girls! You’ve heard the expressions “Don’t be modest” and “She’s just being modest,” right? What do those actually mean when modesty usually relates to clothes?

    Modesty is a huge topic on this site! It may even seem as if we’ve pretty much exhausted the subject. But I don’t think enough can be said, especially when we currently live in a culture that promotes and defends immodesty in every shape and form.

    I’m quite certain that lot of Christians, guys and girls alike, are oblivious to the number of truths related to the subject of modesty. I’ve stated this before: Modesty is a virtue that people instill within themselves. And because of this, it’s reflected in many aspects of our being and our lives.

    1. It’s reflected in what we wear. This is the obvious—and sometimes only—way that people understand modesty. Dressing modestly is not so much what we want to hide from others, but rather what we’re not willing to reveal for the sake of our own dignity. God created something beautiful when He created us. But because of man’s first sin, we have to present ourselves in a way that doesn’t turn what God created beautiful into a thing to be flaunted or lusted after. Our modest dress should be an honest reflection of our modest self.
    2. It’s reflected in the way we act. We all know that flirting is not modest, but that’s not the only way we can act immodestly. You may want to be the life of a party or make a dramatic entrance, but neither is modest behavior. As Christians we shouldn’t look to be the center of attention. But that doesn’t mean we need to slink into a corner, either. Modesty means moderation.
    3. It’s reflected in the way we speak. When we gossip, boast, curse or speak loudly or obnoxiously, then we’re not speaking in a dignified manner. And modesty equals dignity. It means that we speak softly, politely and kindly.
    4. It’s the way we live. Do you wear name brands? Do you have the latest iPhone? Do you share your life on Facebook or other social media outlets? Modesty means refraining from flaunting our wealth or possessions. It’s like modesty in dress: Just because you’ve got it doesn’t mean you have to flaunt it!
    5. It’s how we treat others. When you treat someone modestly, you’re taking the person’s feelings into account. If you know someone did poorly on a test, you shouldn’t boast about how well you did. Sure, if that person asks, you can tell the truth, but you should do it in a manner that doesn’t make her feel worse than she probably already does.
    6. It’s what we expose ourselves to. Whether it’s television shows, movies, the Internet or music, we must be modest in what we expose ourselves to and what we allow into our minds. Allowing immodesty into our minds gives us the opportunity to become used to it.
    7. It’s self-control. Do you have an addiction? Maybe it’s the Internet, your phone, your favorite show, coffee or some other vice, but when you’re addicted to anything, then you’re no longer in control of it. It’s in control of you. Modesty means keeping yourself in check and knowing when something is wrong and when something is too much.
    8. It’s not just for girls. Because modesty is more than what we wear, it also relates to guys. Why? Because modesty is a Christian thing! So all these points listed here are relevant to him, too—his clothes, his attitude and his way of life.
    9. It doesn’t equal “submissive.” Don’t be fooled. Modesty doesn’t mean you have to cover your body and sit in a corner acting submissive and staying quiet. Rather, a person who is modest carries herself with confidence and dignity. She doesn’t feel pressured by trends or pushed by peers.
    10. It’s about pleasing God. Because isn’t everything? We glorify God in ourselves. In everything listed here. Our demeanor reflects our Christian self. We are modest throughout because we eat, sleep and breathe for Christ. He is our world, and when people meet us, they will meet Him that lives within us all. So, we should reflect Christ in our being, and Christ was the epitome of modesty.

    Modesty is a beautiful thing. It’s confident and strong, it’s poised and dignified—and it’s everything we as Christians should be.

    Ladies, did you know that modesty is more than what you wear? Do you feel that you’re modest in all areas of your life? Can you think of other ways to be modest?

    T.M. Gaouette
    T.M. Gaouette is a freelance writer, ghostwriter, blogger and fiction novelist. She was born in Africa, brought up in London and is now living in New England with her husband and four children. Devoted to Him, Gaouette is dedicated to glorifying God through her stories for teens and young adults. T.M. Gaouette is the author of "The Destiny of Sunshine Ranch" and "Freeing Tanner Rose," Christian novels for teens and young adults. She's currently working on completing her upcoming novel -visit for more on her Christian fiction work. Connect with her on and .


    1. This is good. So many people say, ‘Well, why should I cover up/be modest to keep him from sinning? It’s his job to keep his mind pure.” but it is our dignity on the line as well. It is to follow God’s will. Modesty begins in the heart. If you’re making excuses as to why you don’t have to dress modestly, you might need to see if your heart is truly where it should be.

    2. Thank you for posting this spot-on article!
      I totally agree with Speak4Elohim. Sometimes it is really tough to hear people say stuff like that.
      Modesty isn’t just about what you wear, its about who you are.

    3. Modesty: the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.
      Hmm…Who does that sound like?
      Oh, Jesus! 🙂
      Live like Him, and you’ve got modesty down.
      So live with love ladies! That’s the most modest and appealing lifestyle ever!

      • You have nothing to feel guilty about. Flirting isn’t necessarily “immodest” at all. What doesn’t seem to make sense about the article is that there are many different types of women. Not all of us have to be “soft and gentle.” I’m not “immodest” because I stand up for myself and tend to be friendlier and flirtier. That’s the personality I have. Don’t let one woman’s opinion hinder you from being confident about yourself and your personality.

        • I’d like to say that there are different kinds of ways to get attention. One is to force yourself upon other people, going out of your way to make people look at you. Doing things like dressing extremely flashily, immodestly, being obnoxious intentionally, or flirting are ways to get people to look at you without you directly saying, “Hey, everyone, look at me!” (These were stated in the article.)
          Flirting /is/ immodest because /you/ are going out of your way to get a guy to look at /you/. Our goal as Christians is /not/ to glorify ourselves but to glorify /God/. So when you go and flirt with a guy and make him turn his attention to /you/ and not to /God/, which essentially, is glorifying yourself, how exactly is it that you are being modest?
          Let me also give you this thought: If you flirted with a young man, and then later tried to share the Gospel with him, would you have influence with him?

          Ma’am, while I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I’d like to say that I resent your comment. Being “soft and gentle” doesn’t make a girl unable to stand up for herself, and unable to be friendly. It does not make her weak. It does not make her inferior. When God commanded us to be “of a meek and quiet spirit”, this obviously does /not/ refer to our personalities. If you’re outgoing, be outgoing! If you’re introverted, be introverted! It refers to the spirit that a Christian should display.
          This is the definition of the word meek: “quiet, gentle, and easily imposed on; submissive.”
          “easily imposed on”; when describing this term in Biblical parameters, this does not mean being a pushover. This means having a serving heart. A willingness to do what is asked of you, in respect of authority, as long as it does not go against the Word of God.
          “submissive”; mostly, this term is used Biblically as to refer to authority. The most famous usage is in Eph. 5:22 (KJV). The reason women are commanded to submit unto her husband is because, in a Biblical marriage, in which both partners are practicing Christians, the husband has an enormous weight upon his shoulders: he has to answer to the Lord God Himself for the state of his family. (God says that the husband is the head of the family, as Christ was the head of the church. He even died for His church, so think about the representation of this imagery.) God will speak to the husband and show him how to lead his family so that when the husband then leads his home in the way God needs him to go, not only can the wife be “an help meet” to him, but also a guide. As husband represents Christ, wife represents the Holy Spirit, the comforter, the guide of the church. Wife is to be submissive to husband as Christians are to be submissive to God.

      • Being immodest is wanting to be the center of attention and flaunting. While flirting shouldn’t be all about putting all the attention on you, if you’re flirting by making yourself the center of attention all the time, that’s not modest. (It’s probably not going to be that effective of flirting either.) Additionally, if you’re of a flirty personality, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re flirting all the time (especially because people think you’re flirting when you’re not). That may mean you’re friendly, which is a really good thing.

    4. This is such a good point to make because I feel like some people are so averse to the idea of dressing modestly because of “female empowerment” or things like that, that girls should be able to feel confident enough to wear whatever they want. But as this article, and some other people’s comments, have pointed out, modesty is not just about the clothes you wear, but in all you do. When you know who you are in Christ, you have no need for other people’s approval, and there is never any reason to flaunt anything for attention. On its own, dressing modestly really means nothing if it doesn’t start with your heart first. Like JessRottschafer pointed out, if you make Jesus #1 and grow closer to Him, the rest of your life will fall in step with who He has called you to be. Then, you act in this way not because you feel like you HAVE to obey His “rules” but because you WANT to obey Him because you want to be as close to Him as possible. 🙂

    5. I really love this. #6 is very true. My Pastor is always saying “When a sponge is squeezed, it’s whatever it is soaking up that gets squeezed out, so when YOU are squeezed, what YOU are soaking up is what will come out.” As in, what you listen to, watch, read, etc., affects what you say and act like when you’re under pressure. 🙂 I never really thought of modesty as being humble, I really just thought about it as your way of dress and flirting and stuff. This really puts it in a good perspective. 🙂

    6. I have a question to 4, I only have one designer pair of jeans that I worked extremely hard for. My family isn’t very wealthy, so I work for my own clothes. I am able to buy myself name brand material while still titheing. I love some name brand things for the quality of it, not the label. People always tell me that I am very humble about it, and that they appreciate I don’t flash my labels and put people below me because of it. Is it wrong to want to have name brand things if I do not flaunt it?

      • Of course not. Being in the same position, I understand what that’s like. Number 4 was explaining that it’s not modest to put others below you because you have those things. It’s also explaining the immodesty of jealousy. It’s not wrong to have nice things, it becomes wrong when your actions show an unhealthy pride because of them. Some people have a huge problem with this, and I believe that #4 was directed at those.

      • Really I think it depends on what occasion. For instance, my mother has a Gucci purse that her mother (whom was very close to her before she passed away) gave to her. She doesn’t carry it around in say, a grocery store, travelling, on her way to pick my sister and me up, etc. but she does bring it with her if we’re going to a more special occasion such as a special party,a formal event, etc. Just like you might wear jeans and a T-shirt to school but not to a wedding. Conversely, just like you might wear a $100 dress to prom or a dance but not to your brother’s baseball practice. I think that’s more of what she was going for. 😉

      • No, of course not. My family is the same way and I buy almost all of my clothes at garage sales or thrift stores, but thats fine! They simply meant that if you do own brand name clothing or have fancy things you should’t flaunt it or use it to put yourself above others. If you do have those things and act modestly about them thats awesome! Its absolutely fine to have something special like that 🙂

    7. I slightly disagree with this Christians can be the center of attention that is NOT a bad thing. I don’t know why she is trying to make that seem like it is, cause wherever I go I just have a outgoing friendly personality and if the attention is on you that means people will become interested in your life therefore learning about god it just makes sense. You don’t have turn your personality down cause you are a Christian and flirting is not wrong as long as you don’t put sexual innuendos behind it it’s form of showing someone you are interested in them.

    8. I agree with most of this, (except I don’t think flirting is necessarily immodest unless you’re flirting with every guy you come into contact with and you’re doing it because you want attention from other people, then it’s definitely immodest) but I do disagree with the ‘submissive’ thing. If you are rebellious and don’t submit to authority, what kind of a witness is that? Submission isn’t letting people walk all over you and it’s not sitting quietly in a corner. I think is what you’re trying to say that we need to walk confidently and have a backbone in a dignified way, and we shouldn’t be pressured by the world around us, but the idea of submission in the Bible is completely different from what the world says that submission is. I submit because the Bible says to submit. God has placed a hierarchy of command over me, and if I don’t submit to it then good grief you can’t call me a Christian, much less modest. I’m still learning about what submission is, but I do know that you’ve gotta submit to God. I mean, isn’t that what you do when you give your life to Him? You submit your body as a sacrifice for the Lord to come live inside, it becomes a temple, and you constantly have to submit to Him, both inwardly and outwardly. There’s a cross and a throne inside your heart, and either Jesus is on the throne and you’re on the cross, or He’s on the cross and you’re on the throne. I don’t know, everything I’ve learned about being a Christian so far has a lot to do with submission. Just a few random thoughts, haha. 🙂 Great stuff otherwise!!!! God bless!!

      • @HeSetMeFree that’s not the kind of submission that this article is talking about. It’s talking about harmful submission like letting people walk over you and/or abuse you but you can’t stand up for yourself because you feel like you need to “submit to authority” even if it’s harmful authority. Or not speaking you mind because you must be ”submissive” or if you have an outgoing personally you shouldn’t have to make yourself into someone your not so people think you’re ”submissive”.

    9. Amen, I totally agree. I have a couple of friends that went to go and see it. They tried to convince me it was harmless and part of the culture of todays society. Also that all the movies had them and there was no way to avoid it. This saddened me. The fact that so many christians are convinced of this. Sex is supposed to be a private thing made specifically for MARRIED COUPLES. I wish they would just leave it alone.

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