fbpx

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy here!

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy now!

  • Relationships
  • Films
  • About Nicole
  • Press
More

    3 Questions to Ask Before Breaking Up With Him

    I’ve talked about breakups before, usually about how to respond on the receiving end. But what if you’re the one who wants to break up?

    Couples break up for countless reasons. Some are unavoidable. Some are necessary. Some, however, are rooted in impulse and fear. Relationships are hard, and though we get better at them with time, new challenges will continue to arise. Marriage is a continuation of these challenges. That’s why it’s so important to evaluate our motives before finalizing a breakup.

    If you’re on the brink of a breakup, ask yourself the following questions first.

     

    1. Am I breaking up because of fear?

    I’m not talking about fear of abuse or fear of the person you’re dating (if you’re experiencing this, report the situation after finding safety and counseling). This kind of fear is different. It’s fear of commitment. Fear of being known. Fear of your true self being exposed. Fear of things actually working out for the first time.

    It’s fear of love.

    Love is a risk. It exposes our flaws and brings us into intimate relationship with another person. For many of us, that’s scary! The risk of love is a risk of hurt. If you’re running from your relationship because you’re afraid of these things, remember that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). True love means walking into the fear, pushing past it and recognizing the worth of the relationship in front of you.

    I know what fear feels like. I was one of those girls who was afraid to be known. Three weeks before my husband proposed, I almost broke up with him—I was too afraid to be seen for my true self. If I hadn’t faced the fear and recognized that this was a heart issue within myself, I wouldn’t have allowed God to bring healing and lead me into the marriage I have today.

     

    2. What do I hope to gain through this breakup?

    Sometimes we break up because we’re not completely satisfied with the relationship. But while relationships do bring a level of satisfaction, they aren’t designed to be completely fulfilling. Only God can give us purpose and direction. Only God can truly understand and bear the weight of all our emotional needs. If you’re hoping to find someone else to fill these roles for you, breaking up won’t accomplish that. No guy can do that for you.

    This is another heart issue that needs to be dealt with from a spiritual standpoint. Until you see that God alone can fulfill you on a spiritual and emotional level, your relationships will repeat similar patterns of codependence. If you’re breaking up because you think “freedom” and relationships are at odds with one another, you’ll remain averse to commitment in every relationship you start.

    Address your heart’s motives before breaking up. Make sure you are in line with God’s Word and direction before you decide.

     

    3. Do I feel peace from God about this decision?

    Finally, is this where God is leading you? If it is, you will have peace.

    This does NOT mean you won’t be nervous! Breaking up is never fun, especially in person (which is the respectful way to do it, if possible). But if God has called you to do this and you know it’s His will for this season, He will give you the words to speak in that moment. His peace will surround you and support you in the weeks after. That’s the wonderful thing about our God: He rewards obedience.

     

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimerhttps://phyliciamasonheimer.com/
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

    1 COMMENT

    1. I almost broke up with my boyfriend out of fear. I told God that if I wasn’t in love with him by graduation, I would end it. God had a different plan. Prom came around, and as the clock struck midnight, I knew. I am still happily dating him, because God had a plan for us. And for that plan to succeed, I had to overcome that fear.

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

    Read On

    Samaritan’s Purse Sets Up Hospital In New York City Amid Coronavirus Pandemic

    With over 80,000 cases of the Coronavirus in New York alone, the pandemic is rocking the state and the lives of everyone that lives...

    How to Choose a Bible Study Plan That Fits YOU!

    You want to read the Bible – but where do you start? Sixty six individual books are contained between its covers, some of which...

    Kirk Cameron Launches 30-Day Prayer Challenge To ‘Send Fear Running’ Amidst the Quarantine

    Late last week, film producer and actor Kirk Cameron challenged believers to participate in a 30-day prayer challenge called "30 Faith Strong" in order...

    5 Tips for Finishing Strong This Semester

    Midterms and spring break are in the rearview mirror: You’re in the home stretch! As summer comes closer, it’s easy to stop caring about...

    10 Signs It’s Time to Take a Leap of Faith

    But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more...

    Subscribe!

    Stay connected with Project Inspired.