fbpx

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy here!

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy now!

  • Relationships
  • Films
  • About Nicole
  • Press
More

    3 Questions to Ask Before Breaking Up With Him

    I’ve talked about breakups before, usually about how to respond on the receiving end. But what if you’re the one who wants to break up?

    Couples break up for countless reasons. Some are unavoidable. Some are necessary. Some, however, are rooted in impulse and fear. Relationships are hard, and though we get better at them with time, new challenges will continue to arise. Marriage is a continuation of these challenges. That’s why it’s so important to evaluate our motives before finalizing a breakup.

    If you’re on the brink of a breakup, ask yourself the following questions first.

     

    1. Am I breaking up because of fear?

    I’m not talking about fear of abuse or fear of the person you’re dating (if you’re experiencing this, report the situation after finding safety and counseling). This kind of fear is different. It’s fear of commitment. Fear of being known. Fear of your true self being exposed. Fear of things actually working out for the first time.

    It’s fear of love.

    Love is a risk. It exposes our flaws and brings us into intimate relationship with another person. For many of us, that’s scary! The risk of love is a risk of hurt. If you’re running from your relationship because you’re afraid of these things, remember that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). True love means walking into the fear, pushing past it and recognizing the worth of the relationship in front of you.

    I know what fear feels like. I was one of those girls who was afraid to be known. Three weeks before my husband proposed, I almost broke up with him—I was too afraid to be seen for my true self. If I hadn’t faced the fear and recognized that this was a heart issue within myself, I wouldn’t have allowed God to bring healing and lead me into the marriage I have today.

     

    2. What do I hope to gain through this breakup?

    Sometimes we break up because we’re not completely satisfied with the relationship. But while relationships do bring a level of satisfaction, they aren’t designed to be completely fulfilling. Only God can give us purpose and direction. Only God can truly understand and bear the weight of all our emotional needs. If you’re hoping to find someone else to fill these roles for you, breaking up won’t accomplish that. No guy can do that for you.

    This is another heart issue that needs to be dealt with from a spiritual standpoint. Until you see that God alone can fulfill you on a spiritual and emotional level, your relationships will repeat similar patterns of codependence. If you’re breaking up because you think “freedom” and relationships are at odds with one another, you’ll remain averse to commitment in every relationship you start.

    Address your heart’s motives before breaking up. Make sure you are in line with God’s Word and direction before you decide.

     

    3. Do I feel peace from God about this decision?

    Finally, is this where God is leading you? If it is, you will have peace.

    This does NOT mean you won’t be nervous! Breaking up is never fun, especially in person (which is the respectful way to do it, if possible). But if God has called you to do this and you know it’s His will for this season, He will give you the words to speak in that moment. His peace will surround you and support you in the weeks after. That’s the wonderful thing about our God: He rewards obedience.

     

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimerhttps://phyliciamasonheimer.com/
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

    1 COMMENT

    Project Inspired

    Hey there, welcome to Project Inspired. We're here to inspire you to know that God created you for a wonderful purpose. We are a community of believers who love God. You have gifts and talents from God that are unique to you, and we're here to guide you along the way.

    Read On

    5 Ways to Avoid Social Media Envy

    Raise your hand if this sounds familiar: You wake up in the morning, pick up your phone and begin scrolling through your Instagram feed. After...

    5 Ideas to Help Strengthen Your Prayer Life

    I recently received my favorite weekly update: an email about morning routines. Being the productivity nerd that I am, I love reading through the...

    ‘He is Now with Jesus’: Ravi Zacharias, a World Renown Christian Apologist Dies at 74

    Beloved Christian apologist, author and speaker Ravi Zacharias, 74, went to be with the Lord on May 19.  Over the past week, the news, social...

    4 Ways to Shine the Light of Christ in the Midst of the Coronavirus Pandemic

    We live in an unprecedented time in history. This coronavirus pandemic and subsequent nation-wide quarantine is something none of us have ever experienced before....

    15 Signs Your Mom Is Pretty Much Your Best Friend

    In light of celebrating Mother's Day last weekend, we wanted to keep the celebration going. Is your mom also your best friend? Here are...

    Subscribe!

    Stay connected with Project Inspired.