We’ve talked about five things to remind yourself during a breakup. We’ve told you a few questions to ask before initiating a breakup. But what about if you’ve already broken up? How do you move on?
Breakups are emotionally difficult no matter which side you’re on. If you ended the relationship, it’s normal to deal with guilt and regret over hurting someone else. If you were the one broken up with, insecurity, depression and anger are equally natural responses.
In either case, God’s will is for this season to strengthen you for the road ahead. You can come out of this difficult time full of hope and inspiration for the future! But to do so, you must learn how to give yourself fully to the present. You must move on from your past relationship. Here are four ways to do so.
1. Stop Glamorizing the Past
When a relationship ends, we tend to romanticize what the relationship was like. Our exes look a lot better in hindsight than they did in reality! Be very careful about spending tons of time thinking about your past relationship. It’s not healthy! If your mind is continually focused on what happened, where your ex is now and what your relationship used to look like, you’re not going to see God’s will for today.
Instead, accept the reality of what your relationship was, and accept the reality of what it is now that it’s over. Don’t glamorize or dwell on the past. Get someone to talk through the emotions with, seek the Lord in prayer and turn each thought over to Him. Don’t let the past determine your present or future.
2. Let Go of Guilt
Second, let go of any guilt. This is particularly applicable if you ended the relationship! If your motives were honorable and you were following God’s leading into the breakup, there is no room for guilt. Yes, it probably hurt your ex. But he will move on eventually, and he will still find happiness. You are not responsible for another person’s life and choices. You are only responsible for your own. Bring your motives to the Lord and turn over any guilt to His hands. God is not a God of guilt!
3. Remember the Sovereignty of God
God is bigger than our greatest expectations. The guy you broke up with is only one of many guys in the world! Remember that the God you serve is sovereign and all-powerful. In His timing, and as you submit to His will, He can introduce you to other men who follow Him. He can work across state lines and work schedules. He opens doors through friends, coworkers and even online dating. So don’t assume this last relationship was the “last and only.” God works in the hearts of those who love Him, and He leads those who are willing to go with Him into the uncertainty of the future.
4. Commit Your Ex to the Lord—And Leave Him There
Finally, when your ex comes to mind—commit him to the Lord. And then don’t go back and dwell on him again! The biggest mistake young women make in relationships is perpetually holding onto the past. No future guy will want to hear about your ex every time you’re together. Your roommates and friends will eventually get tired of it, too. Give your ex to the Lord. He is the only one who can really work justice in that relationship. Then leave him with the Lord, and every time he pops back in your thoughts, commit him to Christ once again.
Moving on from your relationship is not an overnight fix. It’s a process and a journey. But it’s the road to freedom, and it’s the road God wants for you. So trust His goodness, release control and get excited for the future God has in store!