For many of you PI Girls, motherhood may be the last thing on your mind. But though it may be far in the future, it’s a relevant topic to discuss. The attitudes we harbor in our hearts before motherhood have the power to influence our parenting when we get there.
We’ve already discussed what to do if you’re afraid of motherhood or if you aren’t sure you’re called to be a mom at all. In today’s society, motherhood is often perceived as either an inconvenience or an idol. Kids are either “in the way” or they become their parents’ entire world. The biblical outline for parenting is neither of these extremes, and scripture proves many of our culture’s ideals about motherhood to be false. Below are five such myths about motherhood that single girls can stop believing.
1. You’ll never get your body back.
As you grow a baby (or two) within your body, or even endure the long, stressful process of adoption, your body will age, change and be transformed by your children. It’s true: Our bodies aren’t the same after having kids. Some women get stretch marks. Some gain more weight than others. Some undergo arduous pregnancies that work their bodies overtime to supply nutrients to both themselves and their baby.
So, yes, babies change our bodies—but they change them for the better! We become stronger, wiser and even more beautiful as we spend our lives loving our children. What’s more, being a fit, healthy mom gives you the energy to serve your family for the long term. It IS possible to work out, eat healthfully and maintain a healthy physique after having kids. It takes intention and some scheduling, but with diligence, you can make it happen—just as you did before having babies.
2. You’ll lose your identity.
Because of our culture’s extremes regarding parenting, many single girls think that kids become the focal point of life once you have them. That doesn’t have to be the case! Certainly you will love your children; every good mom does. But one of the best things you can do for your children is cultivate a vibrant life as an individual.
By bringing your kids alongside you in your hobbies, interests and work, you help them cultivate their own passions. You introduce them to the exciting world in which we live. By embracing your God-given identity, you will help your kids embrace theirs.
3. Your world will revolve around kids.
In God’s eyes, we are women first. We will stand before Him one day as individuals, answering for the life we lived on earth. In the course of our lives we may fill the roles of wife, mother and employee, but at the end of the day, our purpose on earth is to bring glory to God as women after His heart.
This is why your world won’t revolve around your kids if you’re a Christian. They will become part of your world—part of your story and legacy on earth. But they don’t have to be the center of it. In fact, it’s better if they aren’t! By watching you embrace God’s purpose for your life, you teach your kids to seek Him for theirs.
4. Your marriage will struggle.
The sad reality is that not all of us had great parents. Some of us fear parenthood because of this. Some fear divorce or marriage and don’t want to have kids because of the possible marital struggle. Here’s the truth: Marriage is made up of two sinners who fell in love. You and your husband won’t be perfect, but if you follow your perfect God, He will lead you into a perfect union with each other.
Your future marriage does not have to struggle. Your parents may have had a bad relationship, but you do not have to repeat that pattern! You can be the change and the difference in your own life—and in the lives of your future kids. You can show them what true, sacrificial, committed love looks like. Knowing God makes this possible.
5. You’ll be a bad mom.
I think every woman fears being a bad mom at some point in her life. For some, this fear is the entire reason they don’t want to have kids at all. On our own power, there’s a good chance we would fulfill that fear—that we would fail our kids the same way our parents failed us now and then. But with Christ, our failures have the hope of redemption. They won’t be wasted, but transformed by the love and grace of God.
If we seek Christ with all of our heart and mind as women—and eventually as moms—we don’t need to fear being a “bad mom.” We can embrace the calling God has on our lives with confidence that He will give us the wisdom we need. And when the world tells us we will lose our bodies, our identities and our world, we can reject those lies with the truth of God and enter motherhood with the same confidence He gives us for every stage of life.