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5 Qualities a Christian Guy Wants in a Woman…from a Christian Guy!

Hello PI Girls! My recent Facebook post, “5 Traits to Look for in a Guy…From a Christian Guy,” sparked some great discussions on the topic. One of you asked me to write a follow-up post: What do guys look for in a Christian woman? Believe it or not, we guys exist! We pray, too, for a Christian woman to come into our lives.

So, what DO guys want in a Christian woman? Well, here are the five qualities that I looked for.

1. A woman who is seeking God more than anything else. Ladies, on the PI site, we post article after article about faith and putting your trust in God first and foremost. As a Christian guy, I want a girl who understands this as much as I do. You can’t be in a relationship unless this is the FIRST priority in your life.

2. A woman who is confident in herself. Guys like confidence as much as girls do. A girl shouldn’t have to wear super-revealing clothes or show off her body to impress a guy. If you’re a girl who thinks that will get attention, then you’re looking for the wrong kind of guy.

3. A woman with good character. Guys want a girl who bears the fruit of the Spirit. Your inner beauty means more to guys than pretty much anything. After all, Proverbs 31:10 says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”

4. A woman who is passionate. Very few things mean more to a guy than you pursuing your passions. We love women who put their all into things and are not driven by emotions. We understand you’re emotional beings—we get that. However, there is a big difference between leading by emotion and leading by passion. When you lead by passion, that passion begins to go into other areas of your life, including a relationship.

5. A woman who is REAL. Trust me, ladies, this is a BIG one. It seems so many girls (and guys) have this online appearance and their offline alter ego. Let’s merge this into one. Guys want you to be genuine, to be yourself! Guys want to fall for that, not something you can’t truly live up to.

These are just five qualities that a Christian guy would love to have in a partner. These aren’t perfect, nor is this an exact science! This is simply to give you some insight into the mind of a good guy who wants your heart and wants to lead you closer to God.

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34 Comments

  1. billygirl88

    Posted by billygirl88 on November 1, 2016 at 20:45

    But are there really Christian guys who put God first and strive to be these things?
    I don’t know, to be honest with y’all I get discouraged quite often. xD I know such guys exist…but where? Other than the ones that write these posts. Or do those actually exist either? Goodness.
    I know I’m still perfectly fine as long as I have God for the rest of my life and eternity, but I was kind of hoping to meet a good Christian guy some day.
    Any girls feel me here?

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by Elizabeth_robb on April 17, 2016 at 08:59

    It’s articles like this that made me insecure as a teenager. I thought I had to be the perfect Godly woman in order for God to bring a godly man into my life. Attention all singles: being right with God will not bring a guy to you and being not right with God doesn’t mean the one can’t come along. Of course seek God and strive to be a god my women, but NOT BECAUSE OF BOYS. Don’t focus on what “Christian guys want.” Be who God wants you to be for him and for his wonderful plan.

  3. Clara May

    Posted by Clara May on March 16, 2016 at 13:20

    Wow! This is exactly what I do! I write in a journal every day to my future husband, as if I were writing letters to him about my day, how I miss him and what ever else I need to get off my chest. But writing to him as if he’s gone away to war or something makes him so real to me to know he truly is out there waiting. Searching for me!
    I recommend doing this because it’s given me a sense of loyalty to my future spouse to not flurt, or play with other guys hearts.
    And doing puts my mind set in the right place.
    Theb someday, when I meet him I get to give him something so special…my thoughts, dreams, hopes, my life of when I was waiting my my tower so patiently for him.

    • realmisslq

      Posted by realmisslq on December 14, 2016 at 10:20

      That sounds like an awesome thing to do!! 😀 I’m SO gonna start doing that! ^o^

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by theawkwardambo on October 7, 2015 at 18:38

    So, I’ve met someone like this. He’s a good Christian, he is passionate, he challenges me and always listens to me. He told me a few weeks ago that he likes me which kind of surprised me because I thought we were just good friends. I really like hanging out with him and talking to him. But I’m just not sure if I like him. Like, he’s not the kind of guy that i EVER imagined myself with. He’s not very attractive which isn’t a huge issue, but I just can’t see myself with him. Although I really like his company. I’m not sure what to do. We are very honest with each other and i told him I needed to give it more time before i decided how I felt about him. We will keep hanging out and he said he is happy to wait for me but i’m worried about leading him on. Any advice? I’ve never had any dating experience so I have no idea what to do.

  5. gabby99

    Posted by gabby99 on October 19, 2014 at 19:41

    question for number four, passionate towards what exactly?

    • 101be_you_tiful

      Posted by 101be_you_tiful on November 1, 2014 at 19:00

      Like things you like to do. For example, if you want to be an artist then you do what ever you can to get better and pursue that dream.

  6. Colettedawg

    Posted by Colettedawg on October 19, 2014 at 08:18

    http://www.millennialmormons.com/10-love-dating-lessons-can-learn-elder-holland/

    I feel like this read goes right along with this post. God wants us to date and be happy so it just makes sense that their would be Christian guidelines!

    • andi

      Posted by andi on July 21, 2015 at 12:36

      Heidi, I just want to warn you against the idea that God wants you to date.While it may not be a bad thing, dating was never mentioned in the Bible because there was no thing called dating.

      • nell

        Posted by nell on October 16, 2015 at 12:06

        hey andi! although it is true the bible does not mention dating…you still have to look at the context of the times. many people in the bible days had arranged marriages so dating did not exist. but in today’s times no one really does that and dating is a big deal, especially in order to get to know the person better before committing to a relationship.
        i know this is a silly example but the bible doesn’t mention laptops because they did not exist, but they are essential for receiving an education in today’s times.

  7. vsmith21

    Posted by vsmith21 on September 23, 2014 at 19:42

    I know I am by no means perfect. No one is. But I believe I have all these qualities at least halfway down to the best of my imperfect but saved by Grace soul. The reason I’m still single, even though I come in contact with plenty single Christian guys on a daily basis? I’m not physically attractive to any of them. It’s been a struggle since middle school, but even now more so as I’m almost 22, almost done with college, and all my friends around me younger and older are getting married and having babies. Of course I’m happy for them all, but each time is like a blow to my self esteem. I understand there has to be a small level of physical attractivity in a relationship, but why should I have to struggle to drastically change my outward appearance for a Godly man? Outward beauty is fleeting so it doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s even worse when people tell me to be patient when I feel like that’s all I am doing, or that 21 is still too young to be thinking about marriage, when my 18-19 year old friends are getting married and happily in love and no one ever told them it was too soon.

    • andi

      Posted by andi on July 21, 2015 at 12:41

      Hi I understand your conflict with this idea, but I want to comfort you in it and tell you to keep going. God has made you beatifully and nothing can change that. I want to offer a idea to you which is that you write a list of what you want in your future husband, pray for him, and wait for God to do a great work. Blessings,
      Andi

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by sara_jazz_coffee on December 7, 2014 at 16:53

      Don’t worry. Be happy. This is like my life motto. Because God is on top of it. What I’m trying to say is that God will bring the right guy into your life at just the right place and just the right time. He has you right where He wants you right now. So don’t stress about your love life. Don’t stress about anything.

    • NerdyChick334

      Posted by NerdyChick334 on October 19, 2014 at 10:05

      http://38.media.tumblr.com/9a171cca82ce22466a5093d6726e5fa1/tumblr_n77zh4DvpK1svg8d1o2_500.jpg

      Ugh! Guys and their double standards. Your single status got nothing to do with your physical attractiveness. I’m gonna quote Meghan Trainor and tell you “every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top.” I like that song #sorrynotsorry. The right guys will wise up as they get older and realize they want wife material in a girl. And you’re young. Don’t compare your romantic life to that of your married friends. Don’t think that you have to drastically change your appearance. There’s a lid for every pot! ^u^ Take care of your body, your skin, your heart, soul and mind. And work constantly on becoming the person God wants you to be. The rest will work itself out.

      • billygirl88

        Posted by billygirl88 on December 14, 2016 at 11:04

        I agree with NerdyChick… work on being the woman of God that He has called you to be and everything will work out. Besides… actual love has nothing to do with physical attraction.
        Even if you weren’t actually gorgeous (which I’m certain you are gorgeous because I’ve never seen God create someone who isn’t, He’s a spectacular artist.) actual love has nothing to do with physical attraction, so just wait for the right guy to come that will love you for all the right reasons.

  8. naynay141516

    Posted by naynay141516 on August 1, 2014 at 12:04

    FALL IN LOVE WITH GOD FIRST! A lot of girls, myself included, create a mini god out of a relationship, or the possibility of one. We can become super obsessed with impressing a guy, but that is not how it’s supposed to be. If we make loving the PERFECT GOD the center of our lives and not impressing FLAWED human beings, with struggles just like ours, then we are ready for a relationship, because God will be at the center.

    Are you ready for a mind blow? Your life is not about impressing boys!!!!! It is about having a relationship with the GOD who created the heavens and the earth! That will be most fulfilling relationship you will ever be in. And then, God will bring the one who is right for you along, because you have placed your trust totally in Him and His plan for you life.

    I did like the article, I just do not think that life should be about impressing humans, even of the male species. BE WHO GOD WANTS YOU TO BE! A Godly woman is the most beautiful, because she is beautiful inside and out.

  9. shiningstar7

    Posted by shiningstar7 on July 29, 2014 at 22:13

    I do have all those qualities but #2 is really hard for me. It’s so hard to be confident when you’re not from America. Guys don’t really look at you. There’s so many stereotypes and prejudice against my culture. Also, since Christianity is a minority in my country, people don’t think I’m a Christian so they don’t even get to know me. That’s mainly why I don’t really have crushes anymore. That’s why I turn to music and bands. I mean, I know God loves me and I do believe I am fearfully and wonderfully made, but earthy relationships are hard. I’m proud of who I am and have immense pride in my country through all of it. 🙂

  10. Captain Marvel

    Posted by Captain Marvel on July 23, 2014 at 19:28

    or possibly stop living for the world and live for Christ. follow God’s plan and the right guy will come along no matter what..

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by jac on August 3, 2016 at 03:52

      I don’t think we should automatically assume that God’s plan for a young woman will include a man. Marriage isn’t God’s plan for everyone, and we should acknowledge that. I’ve seen a lot of Christian women in their 30s struggling with insecurity or bitterness, because they were basically told that the right guy would come along if they did certain things. God never promised us an romantic earthly relationship. Follow God’s plan no matter what and find peace and joy in that.

    • naynay141516

      Posted by naynay141516 on August 1, 2014 at 12:06

      Amen

  11. Project Inspired

    Posted by camosami on July 20, 2014 at 15:23

    This is a great list. I have recently found that this may not be true for all or even most guys, but it is for the ones who care the most and who will stick by you, as friend or more than friend, no matter what.

  12. goatwrangler

    Posted by goatwrangler on July 13, 2014 at 12:16

    These lists make me extremely uncomfortable.
    I understand that they’re a good idea, but they make me uncomfortable. I’m really struggling with faith right now, so from this list, guys should stay at least ten miles away for about twenty years, until I get myself straightened out on my own. And who’s completely confident in themselves? And good character? What’s that? How can I make sure I have “good character” for everyone, so the right guy doesn’t go running because I tip waiters fifteen percent instead of twenty? And I’m passionate, all right, but I’m the kind of passionate you want to stay away from. I’ll explode about a certain interest, and I could care less what people think of me and act that way. I’m TOO passionate.
    See why I hate these lists?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by sara_jazz_coffee on December 7, 2014 at 16:57

      I don’t think he necessarily means that you have to be perfect. Because the ultimate goal of dating is marriage, I think he means guys are looking for gels who strive to do better in those areas because HE’S striving to do better in those areas. So you have a common goal, and you can help each other. Just my thoughts idk.

    • Mandi Pi

      Posted by Mandi Pi on July 14, 2014 at 08:01

      @goatwrangler…I understand what you mean girly! You certainly don’t have to have everything figured out–no one does, even at 90 years old. 🙂

      As for #2: This could also be interpreted–to me–as finding confidence in the right places. For example, finding confidence by digging into God’s Word about who He made you is a better choice than finding confidence in what other people say about you. I believe in God and who He made you being the root of a woman’s confidence, not what other people say or think about her. 🙂

      As for #3: Obviously, no one’s perfect. Guys are not going to shun you because you don’t have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control down pat. We all have things to work on, so I assume he means a woman who is focusing on DEVELOPING good character. 🙂

      As for #4: It’s great that you’re the I-could-explode-over-this passionate–I am that way about certain things too! 😀 Everyone is. I don’t think there is such thing as being too passionate. 🙂

      Hopefully this made sense!

  13. Project Inspired

    Posted by pretty10 on July 11, 2014 at 13:59

    Hi Dave. So is outer beauty as huge as everyone makes it. Are guys not that attracted to girls who reveal too much? Also do you think it is bad to expect a husband who won’t yell at you? Also i am not saved so could you pray God would give me more commitment to seeking Him and that he would give me a burning desire to be closer to him. also that he would help me fall in love with Him.

    • PI_Dave

      Posted by PI_Dave on July 14, 2014 at 10:58

      Hi there, I won’t lie to you and say that outwardly beauty doesn’t matter. If you’re not attracted to someone physically in some way than there is a very good chance it won’t work out in the long run. However, it’s not EVERYTHING. Someone who doesn’t have their life right inwardly, but is VERY attractive on the outside is someone I would NEVER date. It’s a balancing act. Guys who only seek the outward beauty of a girl are no guy to date. Find a guy who values your heart (again you both need to be somewhat attracted to one another).

      I will be praying for you in your relationship with Christ. My advice, don’t date until you’ve received the Holy Spirit as your personal Lord and Savior.

    • Mandi Pi

      Posted by Mandi Pi on July 12, 2014 at 10:51

      @Pretty10, ah, yes, what Princess said–forgot to mention that. Yeah, it’s normal and good to have standards for when you are finding a husband. 🙂

    • Mandi Pi

      Posted by Mandi Pi on July 12, 2014 at 07:17

      @pretty10, the only people you should dress for are you and God! 🙂 Wear what you are comfortable with. Personally, I don’t believe in dressing modestly to prevent guys from “stumbling”, I believe in dressing modestly because my body belongs to God, and I don’t want to give guys a cheap look at me. But go with whatever your personal convictions are. 🙂

      P.S. I replied to your comment on 6 Dating & Courting Tips For Teens, I don’t know if you saw it. 🙂

    • Princessoftheking98

      Posted by Princessoftheking98 on July 11, 2014 at 19:29

      I don’t think that it’s wrong to expect a husband who won’t yell at you. Sure you will fight sometimes but you can work that out together. For a husband to just yell at you all the time isn’t right and you shouldn’t stand for it.

      • PI_Dave

        Posted by PI_Dave on July 14, 2014 at 11:00

        Exactly! James 1:19, read it, memorize it. If you are with someone who constantly yells at you, or yells at you at all… RUN away.

  14. PrincessLiz

    Posted by PrincessLiz on July 11, 2014 at 10:00

    I know that I have some of these things in my toolbox, but there are some that strike me like a dagger in the heart. I still have a lot of work to do, but God is helping me to be all that he created me to be. 🙂 This was a great article.