5 Questions to Ask Before Taking Back an Ex
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | April 5, 2018
Are you debating whether or not to take back your ex? Maybe you’ve been “talking” since the breakup or hanging out in the name of “closure.” Your emotions haven’t disappeared; in fact, they’ve become stronger. Maybe breaking up was a bad idea after all!
Before you jump back into the relationship, take time to consider all the angles. Relationships are hard, and breakups are even harder. It’s difficult to make a decision when you are emotionally compromised. So as you decide what to do next, ask yourself the following five questions.
1. Am I in a healthy emotional state? Breakups put us in a mental and emotional state that colors our view of the past, present and future—especially in relationships. We tend to romanticize the past, resent the present and forget the future. Before jumping back into a relationship, we should honestly ask ourselves: “Am I in the emotional state to make a decision like this?” It may be wiser (and usually is) to take a few weeks or months away from the decision and revisit after getting counsel.
2. Am I ignoring major red flags? In our haste to get back into a relationship, we can also ignore warning signs. I’ve done this myself! We have to be honest about WHY we broke up in the first place—or, if you were broken up with, what about our partner led him to that decision. Is his character the kind that a quality relationship could be built on? If not, what red flags are you ignoring in your desire to reconnect?
3. Am I glamorizing the past? This is a tough one. Hindsight is 20/20—unless you recently broke up with someone you love! Without sufficient time and space to see the past accurately, we can glamorize the past. We glaze over the bad parts and romanticize the good. We focus on the beautiful moments, forgetting the reasons we broke up at all. Be honest with yourself about the past; yes, there may have been some good, but even a little good doesn’t mean it’s time to get back together.
4. Is this the best choice for my future? Think long-term: Would getting back together, dating longer and potentially marrying this person be the best decision for your future? And don’t just consider your life; consider your family, his family, your friends and your future family. Is this the kind of person you truly want to build a life with? His every decision will affect yours. Consider seriously if this person will lead you on a path that is promising.
5. Would God honor this decision? Last but not least, would getting back together with your ex honor God? Will you be able to thrive in your relationship with Him while pursuing this human relationship? If not, keep your distance.
I know this isn’t easy. Everything in you might be longing for an excuse to get back together, to stop the pain. But keep a long-term view, ask yourself honest questions, and be okay with waiting on God when life doesn’t make sense.