Should She Really Be in Your Inner Circle??

    The people who you spend the most time with WILL impact you in one way or another. Although God expects us to be the leaders, He also warns us that Satan will try to tempt God’s children. There’s no exception to this rule.

    So no matter how strong your relationship is with God, it’s EXTREMELY important that you choose the right people to enter into your inner circle. Here are a few questions to ask  yourself to help you determine who does (or doesn’t) belong in YOUR inner circle!

    • Do your friends confess Christ? It’s really important for you to spend the majority of your time with other believers. You should still be kind to non-believers and share the Gospel with them; however, it isn’t be wise to spend a lot of time with them. Satan is crafty and he’ll use your unsaved friends to try to distract you.
    • Do your friends share your values? Even if your friends confess Christ but they’re not living a Godly lifestyle, you should reconsider how much time you’re spending with them. Not everyone who says they’re a Christian truly understands the importance of living a Godly lifestyle. It’s important for you to choose to be around people who share your values. If you’re friends are dressing immodestly, using alcohol or drugs, cursing and behaving in other ways that aren’t conducive to a Christian lifestyle, then it’s probably a good idea to establish new friendships. Continue to pray for your friends and share the love of Christ with them, but limit your time around them.
    • Is your friendship healthy? Read this article to determine if your friendship is a healthy friendship or a toxic relationship. If it’s a toxic friendship or if your friend is a “frenemy,” then you should reconsider whether s(he) should be allowed in your inner circle.
    • Do your parents approve of your friendships? If your parents disagree with your friendship, then there’s probably a good reason. As difficult as it may be, try to hear your parents out. They’ve been where you are and only want what’s best for you. If your parents don’t think your friends demonstrate good character, it’s probably a good idea for you to limit the amount of time you interact with them.
    • Are you negatively influenced by your friends? We ALL make mistakes, but if you’re constantly being tempted when you’re with specific friends, then it’s probably best to avoid them. You should choose to surround yourself with positive friends who pull you up, not drag you down!

    What are some other questions you should ask yourself before allowing someone into your inner circle?

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    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. My parents are the ones who negatively influence me :/ They swear, say hateful things about strangers (when driving etc), smoke (yet tell me not to… hypocritical?), they drink (not everyday, but at least once a week), they even make inappropriate jokes, yet they go to church and try to use what they learned at church on ME but don’t ever apply the message to their own lives. I pray for them and try not to judge too much or pick up on their swearing and judgmental behavior but it’s hard when you spend everyday with them. When they go out fora cigarette or something I do try to share Gods message with them about it, in a very nice way, I want what’s best for them but they just get mad and storm out so I’ve given up. What should I do?

      • I’m going through kind of a similar thing. 🙁 My parents swear too and one day I actually told my mom that it even says in the bible that God does not like “dirty words”, but now she just does it behind my back. My dad’s always using God’s name in vain, and he’s not a Christian. I am so so scared that he will die before there’s even a chance that he could be one. I want my daddy in heaven with me and my mom. 🙁

        My friend has a special kind of a study bible and in it a boy asks why God hasn’t helped his dad get closer to God yet. He had been praying for 6 months.

        It said that it is very important to be patient. God has a time for everything. It may take a while, but he will help you, Elizabeth. It also warned that if you try to hard to change them by yourself, you may make things worse, so it’s best just to pray as many times a day for them(maybe every time their actions bother you).

        Maybe you can also talk to them about how you feel? Ask God to help you. 😉 In the bible, there were moments where he influenced a person’s way of thinking kinda. Maybe you can ask him to help them listen to you?

        • I will be praying for both of you guys! Y’all are so much stronger than I am, I could not deal without the spiritual support of my parents 🙂 I will pray for both of y’all, and for your parents.

      • Keep trying to share ur faith with them! They might not get it at first, but if you show them that ur love for God overflows into the way u ACT, you could rlly make a difference in their life. Sometimes all they need to see is an example of how Christ really can change your life and how you think and act. I’ll be praying for you!:)

      • that sounds really, really hard. Tell your school counselor. Maybe he or she can help. If not, then try your pastor. Your pastor can help you have an intervention with them. They can’t storm out on a grown adult. If that doesn’t work, try your grandparents or a relative. And if that doesn’t work somehow, then confront them face to face. Don’t try to be nice. Just tell them the truth. they may understand.
        Remember to pray. If nothing happens, don’t get angry or upset; it’s God’s will, whatever happens. Even if something bad happens, in the big picture, what God wants will prevail.

    2. I got a question for you. I have a non-Christian friend who isn’t exactly violent, but she talks that way A LOT. She laughs about violent things (like an evil person getting run over) and is the total “I love revenge” type. It does bother me a lot. In fact, most of the time she asks me how I can be friends with her and like her because she knows she’s kinda violent sounding. Sometimes I wonder too, but she never gave me a reason not to like her. She always tells me that if something were to happen to me, like if I got kidnapped, she would hunt down that person and kill them (doesn’t exactly make me feel better…). I think she’s just scared of not having friends because she had a rough childhood and everyone’s scared of her. Anyways, is she still a good friend?

    3. I have a negatively influencing friend who cusses and smokes. He talks to me a lot, but I know I shouldn’t talk to him a lot, but I should also shine Jesus’ light on him. What should I do?

      • I had a friend like that named Zack (not a Christian or anything). He was my fiend’s ex boyfriend and he did things like buy drugs and smoke and skip school. I yelled at him one day because he never left her alone and then he started venting to me on facebook how horrible his life was and I felt bad for him. Somehow it turned into this thing where almost everyday when I went on facebook he was there needing me to talk to. It hurt me, mostly because I didn’t know how to take it. I didn’t know what to do with the problems he threw onto my back (I don’t know how God can listen to our problems, it was SO hard). I knew he was bad for me. He was getting into illegal trouble and I had to stop talking to him, so what I did was I left a very long message about God and how amazing he was and how he was a cure to all of the problems he told me. Then, I prayed that God would take care of him, and blocked him out of my life. I swear, INSTANTLY I felt peace. I knew he would be okay. I pray for him almost every night now. Errm, that was just an example of what to do I guess.

      • tell him straight out how you feel, and why you feel that way. If he ditches you over it, then he wasn’t really your friend in the first place. If he listens, then bring him to Jesus.

    4. Ok if you don’t mind I have a little problem and I’d like to get some help. So I have my friend and we’ve considered each other best friends for probably a little over three years. She still consider me her best friend, but I’m really not to sure. Hears the deal…
      Positive 1. She’s always been there for me (you know until the confusion started, I haven’t been sure who to tell these things too now…) 2.We don’t argue as much as we used too
      Negative 1. We don’t see eachother as much! When we see each other at church (once or twice a week) we sometimes hang out, but she also seems to have other friends (that live in her neighborhood or go to her school, that she sees more) that she hangs out with. We also don’t invite each other to go places once (though she did bring me to the beach over spring break, which I suppose makes up for that?) 3. Our families don’t like the other person! Her family thinks I don’t smile enough and that I’m a downer (which made them hesitant to bring me to the beach) and my siblings think she’s annoying and my parents I guess think she doesn’t get along with people and is too rowdy. 4. I really don’t want to say this, because she is not a drama person and I really don’t think she’d do anything like this! We both have this guy that we’ve like on and off, first I liked him, then I got a crush on someone else and found out she liked him, then she liked someone else and I liked him, then in December things got more confusing for me and I stopped and she said she liked him. That’s the last I heard. Well now that I’ve stopped liking him, I guess I’m more natural around him because we’ve become better friends too. Last night there was this thing where I saved a seat for her by him and he (jokingly I believe) complained about her always sitting by him or something and so I sat by him and moved her seat to the other side of mine. But then it seemed she tried to separate us. Maybe I’m just over reacting. I haven’t exactly told her I don’t have a crush on him anymore, and I really hope that it’s not like she’s pushing us apart because of that! She’s really not like that, and he doesn’t want to date anyways (after he found out he had a fan club, I think he’s become a bit afraid of girls).
      Ok, so, any advice on what to do?

      • Wow. That is confusing. Well if you can, I would suggest trying to find some time or a way to communicate with her (sometimes it’s easier just to text). Maybe you can even instead of just asking her,”Do you think I like him and is that why you have been so cold around me?” say something like,”I wish you two could go out or something. You are so cute together!” You know? Just say something that sounds like you want her to be with him.

        Also, there can be times when two friends need a break from each other. It is also possible that you are both just growing up and your changes are slowly moving you both apart. How do you feel about her? If you still really think of her as someone you want to keep as a close friend, maybe find ways to hang out more or communicate more.

      • confront her. tell her what’s bothering you, and how clueless you are. As for the guy, keep up what you’re doing to get them together, but to avoid anything that would make an awkward situation like that, don’t do stuff like sit next to him, even if he is joking. Don’t fully assume that your friend is being petty, but keep an eye out for clues like that. If it keeps happening to you, talk to her in private about it. But whatever you do, stay friends with her! A friend is a valuable thing to have.

    5. While I believe that we should have a strong group of Christian friends, I don’t think that we should remove ourselves from non-believers. If the majority of your friends are following a bad lifestyle, then it may be time to reconsider who you spend your time with; but if you maintain a firm foundation in Christ and surround yourself with many Christian friends, you shouldn’t stop spending time with your secular friends. For some people, you may be the only face of Jesus they ever see. So if you stop being their friend because they aren’t Christian, what is that showing them about the love of Christ? How are you going to show them the depth of His love if you aren’t even spending time with them? If you strengthen your relationship with Christ, it will come through in the way you live your life, and could make a great impact in the lives of your friends who don’t know Him. Surround yourself with Christian friends who can help keep you positively influenced, but don’t leave behind your non-believing friends. Show them what it means to be loved by Christ.

    6. A good question to ask yourself is does he/she treat you the same way you treat them? I mean, you could be really nice to them and invite them to fun things such as going to the mall or seeing a movie. But they don’t do much with you like they simply use you. Some people can say they’re your friend, but only are because of the things you can do.

      • I totally agree. This sounds like it is okay make a cluque. I see cliques everyday and see the negative affect it has on people. Jesus hung out with the scum of the earth while he was here so why don’t we act like Jesus and just accept them the way they are. The Bible also says we do not that the right to judge those outside the church.

    7. My parents are the negative influences on me too 🙁 they swear, and they hardly pray, but they are Christians, I love them very much, and i only recently FULLY accepted Christ instead of pretending to, and now, i finally worry about them :/

    8. My best friend. She is basically an atheist, but she always always corrects herself when she uses the Lords name in Ian, and asks me questions about what being a Christian means, as well as respects my beliefs, and never rubs hers in my face.
      I also have a very religious Muslim friend, who is also respectful of my religion.
      Most of my friends are Jewish as well, accept for one other Christian. Since my non Christian friends genuinely respect me, I think they are true friends!

    9. Even people who say they are Christian and went to a private Christian school with me for 9 years are changing. I know that we’re older but that doesn’t mean that swearing and sexual jokes are ok. At first it made me really uncomfortable but now I’m used to it and I don’t like that I am. And I was talking to this girl (who is Catholic like me) and it ended up with her saying that because I don’t swear I am limiting my vocabulary. It’s really hard to find good friends and I have like lost all my close friends and don’t have people that will want to arrange things with me if I don’t suggest it first. So right now, I’m just trying to find any friend. :/

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