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Christian Life

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date a Nonbeliever (Besides the Obvious)

Couple-Holding-Bible

God’s plan for humanity is evident in the lessons that we’re taught in scripture. It describes man and woman coming together in marriage (Ephesians 5:31) and the two creating a Godly family (Ephesians 6:4) that comes to know, love and serve Him. The children in this family go on to do the same, marrying and having children and creating Godly families (Proverbs 22:6). God’s plan for us is to flourish and live good lives, devoted to Him and His will (Joshua 24:15). This family foundation is only possible when we first meet the person we will marry.

Why am I referring to marriage when this post is on dating? Well, I believe wholeheartedly that dating should be the first stage of marriage.

Why shouldn’t we date nonbelievers? Well, here are five reasons!

  1. God won’t be the center of your relationship. God should be the center of everything, including a relationship. Couples and families are supposed to pray together. It’s what keeps the union strong. Imagine dating someone who doesn’t care for a hobby or an interest you’re passionate about. Don’t you want to share that hobby with the person you may spend the rest of your life with? Well, God should be at the top of your list of passions, and if the guy you date doesn’t care about the most important entity in your life, where will that lead?
  2. There’s no guarantee that a nonbeliever will become a believer. Oftentimes, we’re so in love with someone that we will set aside our differences, or worse, we’ll vow to change the guy, right? Wrong! Never plan to change any guy to fit you. Sure, maybe your faith will inspire him to find Christ, but what if it doesn’t? Then what? And even if he does find Christ, there’s no guarantee that he will become a devoted believer who desires to know, love and serve Christ as you do. There are more Christians in this world than there are true believers. Your guy may just become a Christian in name.
  3. It will be difficult to do God’s will with a nonbeliever. If we date nonbelievers, how is God’s will to be done together? You’ll have to do God’s work alone. You’ll feel uncomfortable talking about God and your guy may feel left out when you’re hanging with your Christian friends. When a couple is not fully devoted to God together, there may be disagreements or compromises about faith. But worse, a nonbeliever won’t support you in doing God’s will, and may even convince you to turn away from Christ altogether.
  4. Your own faith will weaken. It’s only natural, really. If you’re not with someone who will strengthen and support your faith, then you will have to do it on your own. And this won’t be easy. In some situations you’ll fight battles about going to church or doing youth group activities. If you marry a nonbeliever, you’ll fight about getting your guy to go to church or raising your children in the faith.
  5. Your marriage won’t be as successful as God intends it to be. If you, as a devoted believer, decide to marry a nonbeliever, your marriage won’t be focused on God. And when you’re not focused on God, your marriage will be a struggle.

The reality is that dating an unbeliever could result in marrying an unbeliever, and this may lead you to turn away from God. But more than that, you could end up turning away from God and raising children who will never know Him fully. Some of you may think that this is a long shot. Or that you would be different. But if you don’t prepare your life for success, it’s only going to be harder to attain.

God has His way. And life is hard as it is—you need God in it. So finding a true believer is a fundamental step in creating a more Godly life and family. Sure, it’s not a guarantee, but it’s more likely than if you choose to date and then marry a nonbeliever who has no desire to know, love or serve God, let alone encourage you—or teach your children—to believe in Him.

Ladies, have you ever considered dating a nonbeliever?

Image: Lightstock

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29 Comments

  1. Ilovemydogandsnake

    Posted by Ilovemydogandsnake on August 28, 2017 at 08:49

    Ok, I literally made a profile just to comment on this. Im a non believer, and no, im not some crazy horrible drug addict going around stealing candy from children, im a girl who goes around caring more about others than I ever do myself. I love art and animals and want to become a doctor someday. But lets get to the point of this comment. #1. When I think of marriage, I think of two people that love each other NO MATTER WHAT THERE DIFFERENCES ARE, the center of a relationship should be EACHOTHER or your children, you really want to push the love of your life away because “she or he doesnt believe in what I beleive” stop acting like children. People are different, if you want to find someone that likes and agrees with everything you do than you might as well just date yourself. And you act as if a non believers hate someone thats christian and we automatically dont care about what they care about, personally I dont think being religious is a HOBBY, art or sports or activities is a hobby and we will deeply care about whatever our spouse wants to do, but religion is a TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING and you should NEVER try to “make someone better” by trying to force your religion on someone because that is just completely rude and selfish. The only one here that is non accepting is you, you are the ones that wont accept that some people might not beleive that there is a being that lives up in the middle of no where and is praised and described about in a book written thousands of years ago and the fact that no one has ever seen him. Now im not trying to be rude, but im sick of christians that ignore me or hate me or wont even talk to me because I dont believe. Ive done nothing wrong to make people do that to me and im sick of this, now im not saying all of you are like this, you could be great people but if you EVER put a mythical creature that no one is even sure is real or not before your loved one than you dont deserve them. Answer this question, who do you love with all of your heart, the man or woman youve spent your entire life with and had a family with that loves you and took care of you when you were hurt or sick, or someone or something that youve never ever met before and no ones knows if its even real? Dont hate me please, but I pick the first answer. How about christians or mainly the person who wrote or agrees with these 5 reasons support what your non believer cares about, he or she probably cares about you and there family, but OH MY #$%, HE DOESN’T SUPPORT GOD!? WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON. Really. Yea sorry for caring about you and everything esle you do or caring about your family, arent atheists disgusting? Going around caring about themselves and there families? How evil. If you dont put all of your trust into something that no one knows if it exists then you are a terrible person. Go jump off a cliff will god save you? Ask for enough money to feed your children and pay for the mortgage will you win the lottery? No and probably not. Now you might say, “god is too busy saving others to see me” then youre just lying to yourslef, there is always the case where the “bad guy” gets what he wants and the good person is left to starve to death. What then. Im not trying to make everyone upset, I care about your feelings, and im not trying to make you a non believer. Im just saying you shouldnt put all of your love and trust into something when the one who really loves and trusts you is right next to you. Just because we dont believe doesnt mean we dont care. And can you really blame us for not believing? Im sure some of you have had that moment where you have to reassure yourself that god exists. Now stop acting like children and date and have fun with your life because you only get one. How will you ever know what you like and dont like if you never try it? This is how my life goes and if its too diaturbing than you can stop reading, I go to school from monday to friday, I donate to help sick children and hungry animals when I go to the store to get food, I play my viola in the orchestra, then on saturdays I spend time with my beloved boyfriend, then on sunday morning I take care of all the sick animals I have because I own a reptile rescue, I practice my music and spend time with my brother playing games and going out to stores to look around, maybe grab a bite to eat. My life might not be exciting but im grateful for it, I have two christian parents that are going through a nasty divorce, my father has health problems and was never able to play with me as a child, and my mother is always too tired from work to spend time with me, I told my mother i didnt believe and now she hates me, and I cant even tell my dad because he would never speak to me again. But you know who does accept me? My boyfriend, weve beem dating for years and are looking to get married, we would do everything for eachother and even though I dont believe he doesnt care, becauase whats important to us is eachother. Thats why you SHOULD date someone even though they dont have the same or if any religion. If you read all of this then thank you.

  2. Juliebird4Christ

    Posted by Juliebird4Christ on November 20, 2016 at 16:12

    Hi girls! I would be very pleased if you would read this and tell me your thoughts!
    I met this guy a little bit ago. He’s a great guy, fabulous personality, always smiling and laughing. He has recently been hinting at hanging out and stuff but I know he works as a cook at a Buddhist retreat center just a couple miles away. I was thinking if he were to ask me out I would have to say no merely because of where he worked… however I put myself in his shoes and thought a while.
    If I were a non Christian guy who liked a Christian girl and asked if she would like to go out sometime. Say she said no, she can’t because of complications in her faith.
    It just seems like it’s not being Christian to give him a chance. However everything I read above makes sense.
    He seems like he would be willing to learn about God and I plan to tell him all I know I he wants me to. What are our thoughts on that? If he’s interested in learning about Jesus, should I give him a chance?
    Thanks for reading!

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by Erin597 on May 28, 2015 at 15:31

    When I was littler, my mom always told me that I wasn’t allowed to date someone who wasn’t Christian. I thought that was completely unfair, because there were plenty of nice and cute boys who weren’t Christians. But as I grew older, I came to realize that this was a smart rule. If you date someone who isn’t Christian and get very attached to them, that could definitely make things harder for your future — immediately, your morals, and long term, how you raise your children. Although I do believe some people could successfully have a relationship with a non-believer, it makes things simpler to date someone who is your same religion.

  4. travellover

    Posted by travellover on May 27, 2015 at 22:05

    I’ll be honest, I DO think that it’s quite possible for a Christian to have a loving and lasting relationship with a non-Christian. However, I don’t think that this relationship would be as good as a relationship that God intended. I believe that God intended us as humans to live our lives completely for him just as he is completely for us. We were made to live and breathe him, and to be completely in love with him because he is completely in love with us! If that’s the case, then every piece of our lives are for him, he is our purpose and our journey and our destination. A person as important as a life partner, someone who is meant to be your other half, who you do life with, who you share your innermost being with should be able to be a person who you share that deep love and passion with. Your husband/wife should be someone who you can pray with, who will grow and change in God along with you, and who will love God just as much as you do. The more you love and give yourself over to God, the less you will be able to fully love and genuinely be with someone who isn’t in God, and vice versa. So I guess it depends on how much you are invested in God. You could live your life with someone who doesn’t believe in him, and yes, you could very well be happy if you choose, but that wouldn’t fulfill the fullest life that God wants you to have. That’s what I believe, and I hope that it helps.

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by mrscrowley1029 on April 16, 2015 at 22:22

    My dad isn’t a Christian, my moms faith never was weakened at all… I think if your a strong Christian it will work.

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by JeSuisSmitty on March 22, 2015 at 22:19

    I honestly feel like it shouldn’t matter. What matters is that you find a person who is kind, generous, funny, smart, respectful, mannerly, thoughtful, and, most importantly, in love with you. If they are all these things, I don’t see how it would be possible for you to deny yourself a wonderful life with this person if they don’t believe exactly what you believe. This is just my belief–I think everyone is entitled to their own views and individual priorities when looking for a future spouse. However, I have met many people who never go to church that are better people than some who call themselves Christians. For example, one of my two best friends is not religious. She is one of the kindest people I know. My other best friend is Hindu. She is also one of the most generous people you’ll meet. Another of my friends is not religious. She is an extremely kind and happy person. I do not believe that the god you believe in should define your worth as a human being.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by iam4thegreatiam on April 24, 2015 at 19:35

      Unfortunately that kind of thinking is what leads you astray from God and towards your wants instead of His.

  7. marysetrueblood

    Posted by marysetrueblood on March 2, 2015 at 16:06

    I get that it’s important to at least mostly agree on big things in a relationship, but this kind of thinking has so many problems.
    I mean, first of all, it’s quite possible to have a fruitful, healthy relationship with a person who doesn’t share a passion with you, so long as you aren’t completely devoid of things in common and they still support you on the other things?
    Also, hard to do God’s will? You know how many atheists and people of other religions go on charity-based mission trips just to help people out and do good in the world, just like God wants you to do? It’s so, so possible to be filled with light, inside and out and not be religious.
    My mom wasn’t religious when she married my Dad. She did convert eventually, because she liked the faith, and now she’s more religious than he is–but they had a wonderful six-year length of time with a religion difference and it never hurt them–to date, they’re very loving.
    Also, guaranteeing someone their faith will weaken sounds silly, assuming someone’s love is flimsy enough to weaken purely by not having constant reminders? That comes off, to me, as patronizing.

    Just some thoughts

  8. Busygirl996

    Posted by Busygirl996 on February 5, 2015 at 21:33

    My best friend who loves God whole-heartedly had been dating a non-believer since we were in 7th grade (she became a believer the summer before 11th grade). She and her boyfriend recently became engaged. This has been on my heart a lot lately. I’m happy for them but at the same time I’m scared for her and her faith. Any advice?

  9. Jesus_chick_529

    Posted by Jesus_chick_529 on February 5, 2015 at 16:50

    I’m in this situation myself and am talking to the boy in a few hours about the issue. This came at the perfect time. Thank you!!!

  10. USGIRL95

    Posted by USGIRL95 on February 5, 2015 at 12:22

    ahha I remember this, in my early/middle teens, I remember being asked out, I declined their dates, I said I can’t date your guys/ thank god they respected my wishes, I said thank you for asking me. if they were true believers, I ‘d ‘ve dated them, I said we can be friends, that’s it., didn’t want an equal yoke, I’m 19/1/2/ years old, still ‘h no dates so far,. pro won’t date till my 20’s., my o sister really fell from her Christian walk with Christ,. let me tell you its horrible,. she went man hunting, I asked her is it? worth it?., she never answered me, I was disappointed., my sister stopped reading sepctures & church my oldest niece six half years old is suffering from it., let me tell u she wants to go to church., my sister refused a lot my niece got angry & hurt emotaly., my hope her bow Jose ‘ll accept Christ! my sister goes back to Christ,. she has pride,. its a big issue., rebuke it,. * repent from it., my friend did the same thing months ago she even told me its was a big bad mistake,. she has declined dates since than., she just turned 18,. a week ago., I ‘ll wait to date a true believing godly guy!,. nothing wrong being single, got a quite bit of friends., say no to dating a nonbelievers., say yes to true believers in Christ., not worth it.,, even my Christian guy friend James is single just turned 20 two weeks ago., stand up for your faith girls/guys!.,

  11. martial_artist_for_Jesus

    Posted by martial_artist_for_Jesus on February 4, 2015 at 19:02

    I needed this article–badly. Thank you.

  12. tbhkayla

    Posted by tbhkayla on February 4, 2015 at 16:59

    I dated a nonbeliever, and trust me, it is not something you want to get into. God gave me MANY chances to get out of it before things got too serious, but I didn’t listen. And now it’s too late because God kicked him out of the picture and he is no longer in my life. Now I’m left with a broken heart and a weakened relationship with Jesus. I know it seems like in the beginning things will go well and you’ll bring him to Christ, but that’s not what happens. My sister went through the same thing. It’s not worth choosing Him over God. Yes, you will have to choose because when both of you aren’t making God the center, things get messy and you have to choose.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by alipat on February 8, 2015 at 17:08

      thank you for sharing I made that mistake a long time ago and now im living with circumstances I wish I could take back. I think being equally yoked goes to spiritually as well bc there are some Christians that you may have to separate from at times..if you guys are different it wont work. you need to share your love for Christ.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by acataldo17 on February 6, 2015 at 05:43

      I’m so sorry to hear about your broken heart and weakened relationship with Jesus. I too recently went through a breakup because even though I was dating a Christian guy, our relationship wasn’t what God wanted us to do. One thing that helped me a lot (and hopefully will help you too) is Ephesians 4:22-24. It’s a great reminder of how forgiving God is and how He challenges us to run full speed ahead into following His way. It shows how God made us new people who can leave behind old ways of living, and I believe that you can do this! At any time you can renew your relationship with Christ. He is always patient and constantly pursuing you! How great is that? Although we have sinned, He always welcomes us back with open arms.

      One other thing I’d like to say is that you have so much opportunity now to rekindle your relationship with Jesus right now! Without this particular non-Christian in your life, you have the chance to commit your life to Christ again and fully develop your identity in Him.

      I know this is all easier said then done, but having lived through a similar situation, I know that there is hope! And that hope is in Jesus! He is overwhelmingly ready to invade your heart and change your life again! You just have to call out to him, ask for forgiveness, and let Him into your heart.

    • YoucatMarie

      Posted by YoucatMarie on February 5, 2015 at 11:04

      Hug!

  13. Rachel love

    Posted by Rachel love on February 4, 2015 at 16:29

    i dated a non -believer big mistake. I love to talk about my faith and with him i couldn’t cause he wasnt into that. But one perk was in the end i became closer to God.

  14. Project Inspired

    Posted by Katie4 on February 4, 2015 at 15:39

    True, some non-christians are very incredible people, but works do not excuse people from the price of sin. For every man has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, even born again christians. The difference in getting to heaven is accepting that Jesus, a perfect man, has died in his place for you! How amazing is that! And if people don’t accept that, what can God do? Unbelievers have not accepted his saving grace so he can’t allow them to come to heaven. God does not want that, but they denied his own son.
    I did not write this to hate on unbelievers, I just want to tell you what I believe is the truth because I love all of you.
    God bless you too.

  15. GrayC

    Posted by GrayC on February 4, 2015 at 09:31

    So could a nonbeliever be someone who was churched from a young age, Doesn’t question that God is alive, and that would like to go to church with me or at his home church, but doesn’t really have a sold relationship with God? And you can be friends with a guy like this right? even if you like each other? He’s asked his mom (who is a pastor) about how he can really pursue God, but what qualifies him as a believer or nonbeliever?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Momo on February 4, 2015 at 17:12

      Hey, GrayC. To be honest, it sounds like you’re asking for reassurance/justification for whatever you are doing or want to do with this guy. Please don’t take this reply as for or against whatever that thing is.

      It sounds like he’s a believer (believer means you have faith, no matter how small that faith is). So that’s not really the problem. The thing is whether he will push you to pursue God. A marriage is a sanctioned relationship where two people help each other enjoy and glorify God more and more. Will he help you do that? Please go straight to the one person who would know this answer best: God. Pray about it. Seek out people who you trust would drive you to obey God rather than your own desires. Ask God to help you put aside your desires so that you can see God’s desires for your life. Maybe they match up. Maybe they don’t, and you need to wait longer for your man. All I can say if that’s the case is that it’s better to wait for your David than to settle for a Saul. ^_^

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by PanheadForGod on February 4, 2015 at 15:27

      And also, I think it’s perfectly fine to be friends with non believers. Just not in a relationship. My two cents 🙂

    • GrayC

      Posted by GrayC on February 4, 2015 at 09:31

      *solid not sold*

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by PanheadForGod on February 4, 2015 at 15:25

        A believer is someone who has confessed with his mouth that Jesus is Lord, and has decided to follow after Him. If he believes in God, that’s an awesome start! But Lucifer believed and even knew Him personally, and yet rebelled against Him. Being a believer is having a relationship with Jesus, just as you would with your best friend or family. That means you have to get to know Him, through prayer and the bible. The path will be very bumpy, no such thing as a perfect life. In fact, becoming a Christian will probably make it even harder. Jesus says we need to pick up our cross, that we will have strife because the world hated Him. And we will mess up, we will do wrong. But as long as you keep your focus on Him, and ask Him to forgive your mistakes, you’re good 🙂

  16. polkadotfireant

    Posted by polkadotfireant on February 3, 2015 at 17:50

    I respectfully disagree on this one. It’s probably my religion, but I don’t think someone has to be Godly to be an incredible person. To state an example, my sister and her husband are Agnostics, and their marriage is the type that little girls dream of. Not sure about my brother in law, but my sister has never been baptized; however, I don’t believe for a second that she won’t enter Heaven when she dies. I know I’m risking hate, posting this on a Christian website, but I just wanted to add my two cents. God bless.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Momo on February 4, 2015 at 17:45

      Hello, polkadotfireant. May I know your religion?

      I would also like to clarify what an “incredible person” is. If you mean someone who is good enough to go to heaven, do you mind if we use God’s standard of what “good enough” is? If we believe that the Christian God is the ruler of heaven and ultimately decides who goes there, that shouldn’t be a problem, right? If that’s the case, “good enough” is Jesus Christ. Because all sin and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) and no one is righteous (Romans 3:10-18), no one deserves heaven. Except one person. Jesus alone has earned eternal life in heaven, and He gives His life to us through faith (And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. 1 John 5:11-12)

      In a nutshell, I’m saying that God’s standard is way too high. It’s too high for me; it’s too high for you. It’s too high for anybody. Jesus alone has managed to obey God perfectly. (Never coveted, never hated someone, never complained, never dishonored parents, always humble, always selfless, always gave God His all, always followed God’s plans for Him even when it asked for his death.) There are so many ways we sin and fail to meet God’s standard. One sin is all it takes, so unless we’re perfect like Jesus, our only hope is Jesus.

      P.S. I hope that someday, posting on a Christian site won’t come with the expectation of hate but the expectation of love instead. =)

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Shimmeringjules on February 4, 2015 at 15:56

      I really hope you DON’T get hate for posting that! I hope you are comfortable posting here, because that is your opinion to which you are entitled, and as Christians we are called to love others–which would me we shouldn’t be horrible or even rude to people who disagree with our views. Instead, we are called to love them and express the truth of the Bible, not in an in-your-face way, but in kind honesty. I do disagree, though, that somebody can be an incredible person without being Godly. Jesus Himself says in mark 10:18 that “No one is good but One–God.” The whole point of Jesus coming here and dying for our sins is that we aren’t good and that we can never BE good, so somebody had to come, be good, and die for us in our place. And that someone, of course, was Jesus (who is part of the Holy Trinity and thus is God). The sad truth is that none of us are good–not me, not Mother Theresa, not Ghandi, not Paul–except when we have God to be good FOR us, which happens when we have faith and trust in Jesus. Only when we have God to wipe away our sins can we appear as clean and good. And I honestly don’t say this to condemn you or your family, because I will freely admit that I am the worst of everyone. I say this because only by understanding our condition can we understand why we need Jesus. So that’s just my two cents, and I didn’t mean for it to be a whole paragraph. Anyways, I hope you have a great day and feel welcome in the PI community, because we really want you here. 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by PanheadForGod on February 4, 2015 at 15:49

      Forgot to put “Love ya, and God Bless you too!” at the end of my comment lol. 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by PanheadForGod on February 4, 2015 at 15:47

      First of all, I’m going to let you know how very grateful I am for the way you put you comment. It was very respectful and in a non-hateful manner. Thanks!! 🙂

      Also, what religion do you believe in, may I ask?

      And no one is saying non Christians are bad. I myself know many non Christians, am friends with Agnostics, Atheists, and Hindus. They are awesome ^_^

      This article isn’t talking about non believers with other non believers.

      All this article is saying is that, as a Christian, the Bible gives us instructions on how to live our life. It says not to marry non believers, for what this listed was created as. God has to be the center of our lives. It’s hard enough doing that without being with a person 24/7 who doesn’t feel the same way. It’s a daily struggle, doing what God wants rather than what we want. And when you don’t have someone to be accountable to, it makes it harder . And what about kids, what about Sunday mornings? Marriage is hard as it is, so many divorces, sadly even among Christians. And being a Christian means keeping God first, even above your spouse. If your spouse can’t understand that, it won’t work.