I know firsthand how easy it is to fall hard and lose yourself in the guy you love. He makes you happy and makes life easier to cope with…and you could see yourself living the rest of your life with him. You might have even started off with a strong sense of purpose and individuality, and next thing you know, this guy is your world. It may have gotten to the point where you can’t even imagine who you are without him!
We’ve all been guilty of walking the slippery slope between adoration and idolization when it comes to that special guy. For the sake of clearing your head, here are five reasons why you should be able to separate your own identity and NOT idolize him.
- He won’t make all your problems go away. There will always be trials and struggles you’ll have to face around and within yourself—and he won’t be the answer to them. There will be many parts of your journey that only you can face because they’re a part of building the woman you are becoming. So yes, he might make life easier for the moment and brighten things, but you will still have trials to face that he can’t fix. Your first foundation is to learn how to journey with God and yourself because God will never leave you and you will always have to face yourself.
- He may fail you. He’s human, and unless you haven’t grown close enough to face very hard and trying times together, you’ll quickly learn that there will be times you’ll have to forgive some of his actions. He may not intentionally mean to disappoint you, but it happens because guys too are imperfect. Even “good” guys fall short and make mistakes. Expecting a perfect relationship is a setup for disappointment. He may do and say all the right things now, but as the two of you get closer, you’ll begin to see more of each other’s shortcomings, which is the purpose for grace. However, it’s also a clear indicator that no man can be our savior.
- He can’t have a strong relationship with God for you. It’s easy and natural to admire these guys who show such reverence for God. A godly relationship is the goal! But relationships are made up of both of the people in them. Godly relationships don’t just happen, they’re built—and they’re built individually first. If we’re not keeping God first personally, how can we expect to keep God first in our relationship? Spiritual growth should be built and maintained with ourselves no matter whether we’re single, courting or married, because a God-centered relationship starts with the foundation we bring into the picture, not based on him.
- He isn’t the cure to your insecurities. If anything, the vulnerability of love and life with another person brings out your insecurities even more. Whatever void of love or esteem you have for yourself is something you have to pursue with God for yourself. This is an inside job. No guy can cure a woman’s insecurities. He may help you feel better about yourself to some degree, but that’s like putting a Band-Aid on a serious wound. You will ultimately still have to do that digging and healing for yourself. There’s a reason its called self-worth, self-love, self-esteem—it’s only something you can assume for yourself.
- He may be a part of your life, but He is not your purpose. As women, when we encounter a relationship with our special guy, it’s easy to picture our life together 10 years down the road: kids, marriage, the house and everything. It’s easy for him to become our future vision and become our primary purpose. But we lose sight of the purposes God has for us individually and the gifts he has uniquely given us to impart into the world. It’s possible to see your future with a guy and still build who you are as an individual apart from him. In fact, having individual hobbies and goals makes the relationship more interesting and dynamic. Most guys admire a girl who has a passion for something!
God has a purpose for your life that is greater than your relationship status. Don’t ever lose sight of that.