5 Reasons You’re Better Off Without Him

    The guy you liked is dating someone else. Your boyfriend decided he wants a “break”—for an undetermined amount of time. There are no godly guys in your age group within a 200-mile radius of your hometown.

    If this sounds like your situation, you might be wondering how you’re going to navigate the next few months. But I want to encourage you in this season, because this may be an incredible time of growth and vision for your life. Maybe you’re better off without that guy who walked away (or never showed up at all). Here are five reasons you’re better off without him.


    1. You are stronger than before.

    Any relationship comes with a little dependency. When a relationship ends, we are forced to stand up on our own. We have to step into our lives with less direction and support in our earthly relationships, leaning instead on the direction and support of God—which we should be doing anyway. The pain of relationship loss always hurts, but you can be better off because of it. Disappointment submitted to God becomes a divine appointment for His glory. As you lean on Him, you become stronger than ever before.


    2. You are clarifying your identity.

    Sometimes relationships cloud our vision. We stop seeing ourselves in light of God’s Word and let our identity be completely consumed by the relationship we’re in. When that relationship ends, we’re left wondering who we are and where we’re headed.

    If this is the case for you, you’re better off without him. As painful and scary as it is to look at an unknown future, God is going to use this season to clarify your identity. You are being refined. Your purpose as a woman of God will become more and more clear as you seek the One who put you on this earth.


    3. You are learning to lean into Christ.

    In order to refine your identity, you need to know the One who gave it to you: Jesus Christ! A bad or distracting relationship keeps you from knowing God intimately. As you heal from the wounds of a breakup, you learn to lean into Christ. His Word comes alive in times of pain and sorrow. In moments where you would previously run to your boyfriend for comfort, you’ll learn to go to the Lord. This cultivates spiritual habits that equip you for the future.

    You can’t have a Christ-centered relationship in the future if you don’t lean into Christ in the hard seasons. Christ-centered relationships only happen with two people who are seeking Christ. Let this season teach you how to make this a habit.


    4. You are becoming content.

    Contentment is not a state of being—a place you reach and stay for the rest of your life. Contentment is a daily choice. Losing a guy you liked hurts tremendously, and you’ll be tempted to live in discontent. Say no! This period is a training ground for the future. Each time you choose contentment, you’re saying: “God, I trust you with this pain. I trust you with this season. I trust you with this singleness. I know you are good and able, and have my best interest at heart.”

    If you struggle to say those words, study who God is in Scripture. The more you know about Him, the easier it is to trust His goodness.


    5. You are being sanctified into the image of God.

    Sanctification is the process by which we are made into the image of Christ. When we become disciples of Jesus, His heart is to change us into His image. We aren’t perfect, but each life experience grants us opportunities to become more like Christ.

    Only our Lord can comfort, support, strengthen, and sanctify you for the life you’re called to lead. He does all this with incredible compassion, because He knows what you’re experiencing:


    For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 5:14)


    Jesus knows your pain, and He’s calling to your heart in the midst of it. Don’t ignore the hurt; take it to Him. Don’t bear your burden alone; cast it on His shoulders. This season can make you more like Jesus if you let it. And if losing a guy makes you more Christlike, you are better off without him—and better off with Jesus.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

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