We’re our own worst critics, aren’t we? We look in the mirror and we look at our lives, quick to point out the flaws so obviously staring back at us. We want to become better people, not just for our own sake, but also for the sake of our relationships.
A little honest self-assessment is a good practice, but sometimes in our quest for improvement, we fail to recognize areas of strength. I think this is particularly prevalent in our love lives. Nothing boosts your confidence like knowing you’re on the right character path, and confidence is key to dating well.
If you tend to be hard on yourself or simply need a five-point check-in on your love life and your character, here are five signs you’re more dateable than you think.
- You’re willing to admit you’re wrong. This is a biggie. Are you willing to acknowledge when you’re wrong or are you determined to always be right? When I was single, I noticed I was SO determined to be right that I could even convince myself the other person had nothing of value to add to the conversation. That’s dangerous, prideful ground. But if you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong and work through the issue with another person, you’re ready for the demands of commitment.
- You pursue godly community and counsel. I’m just finishing up a chapter on isolation in my upcoming book, so this is fresh in my mind. We can’t do the Christian life alone. We aren’t meant to, and God desires for us to be in community. This isn’t just about fellowship, either—we need to be in a community that teaches and corrects us. This is the only way we can continue to mature in our faith! Dateable people are in community, where they have accountability and support in their faith. Even once they are dating exclusively, that community will help them live out a godly relationship.
- You try not to judge by appearance. It’s a sad reality that so many women and men judge one another by appearance in this dating world. Sure, first impressions are part of life, but the media’s emphasis on people’s appearance has not helped us show grace in this area. We write off wonderful, godly people because we don’t feel “attracted”—without ever getting to know them! Attraction often grows as love grows, just as attraction dies when someone’s character is a lot uglier than his face.
- You’re willing to work through conflict. Conflict is not fun, but if you’re prepared to face it, you’re ready to date. Dating will usher in some tough conversations that no one wants to have, things you have to discuss before moving to the next stage. But if you can handle conflict with grace and understanding, you’re well on your way to a smooth dating relationship and eventual marriage.
- You place priority on your relationship with God. The most important thing you can do as a single person (even before plugging into community) is to pursue God with everything you have. Place priority on your relationship with Him, and your relationships with people will gradually fall in line.
Being dateable doesn’t mean you’ll automatically get asked out by every guy you wish, but it means you’re growing in faith and character. Continue to be faithful where you are, trusting God to bring a great person in His timing.