5 Things to Do When Your Love Life Is Nonexistent
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | September 23, 2016
We laugh about being single, but every girl knows there are times when singleness feels like more than just a temporary hiatus from relationships. It feels like love is completely nonexistent! With no prospects on the horizon and maybe a breakup or two in the past, you might be wondering where to go from here. Here are five things to do if you’re in a dry spell in your dating life—and if you do them, you might find that singleness is more fulfilling than you thought.
1. Draw near to God.
I know it sounds “Christianese,” but your single years are prime time to invest in your relationship with God. God uses our single season to teach tremendous lessons about patience, selflessness and trust. When we try to shortcut our single season or waste these years in selfish living, we cheat ourselves of God’s perfect will. But when we choose to invest fully where God has us, we see the fruit of His Spirit manifested in our lives.
Drawing near to God lays the foundation for your future relationship with a man. You can’t expect to have a Christ-centered relationship in the future if you refuse to live out a Christ-centered singleness today.
2. Serve your community.
When we’re lonely, our natural inclination is to become self-focused. We look inward as we attempt to pacify our feelings of neglect. But the solution to loneliness is counterintuitive: It’s an outer, not inner, focus that defeats loneliness. The best way to focus on others is to serve. Anyone can do this—just start by looking at your own community!
You can serve others in a variety of ways. In my own single years, I used my talent of playing piano to play hymns at a local nursing home. Later, I taught women in a safe house how to cook affordable meals. Whatever gifts God has given you, put them to work in love for others. A fulfilled singleness is only a servant’s heart away.
3. Invest in friendships.
We talk about friendships a lot on Project Inspired, but we can’t overemphasize how important your girlfriends are. The women God has placed around you are there for a purpose, whether they walk with you for all of life or just for a season. As you hope for a relationship, don’t forget about the relationships God has already given you, and be sure to give them your best.
Investing in your girlfriends means making time for them, listening to their stories and encouraging them in their walk of faith. Their support will be necessary when you do enter a relationship with a man, and who you are with your girlfriends is who you really are. Be the kind of person to them that you’ve promised to be when you date Mr. Right.
4. Learn a new skill.
A love-life desert is a great time to cultivate new hobbies and skills. Not only does this open doors to meet new people, but having a variety of skills also allows you to minister on a greater level. It can advance your work and fine-tune your calling. There is no downside to learning new things!
Everyone is nervous the first time, so don’t let embarrassment get in the way. Try a class. Go with a friend. Promise yourself you’ll do it three times before quitting. You never know what amazing talent you’ll discover!
5. Get out of your comfort zone.
Finally, your single years are the season to step out of your comfort zone. This isn’t because you won’t ever need to do so again. It’s because you need to make stepping out a habit in order to be the bold, believing woman a godly man will seek. Getting out of your comfort zone is a stretch, and you’ll be tested in the process. Your character will be refined. But if you want to meet new people, have new experiences and live life to hilt of God’s calling, you can’t do it from your living room sofa.
Your love life may be nonexistent for a variety of reasons, but whatever the case, don’t waste these years. You might not know God’s will for the future, but you do know God’s will for today: It’s to honor Him right where you are. That’s a singleness well lived!