Though some breakups are necessary, they usually aren’t a pleasant experience. Ending a relationship—or even a friendship—can be emotionally traumatic. The wounds hurt as they heal.
In a previous post, I talked about why you should leave your ex alone for good. Sometimes that space is just what we need in order to grow into the people God designed us to be. But during that time alone, it’s easy to get caught up in our own thoughts. We start to romanticize the past and think things were better than they were. We doubt our value and wonder what we did wrong. If we follow these thoughts into action, we can end up revisiting old relationships or rebounding into a new one.
Instead of dwelling on the past, remind yourself of these five things as you heal from a past relationship.
1. You have value.
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:6-7)
Relationship culture equates dating status with value. When we break up, we are often plunged into doubt about our identity—especially if the breakup wasn’t mutual. But our value does not come from who we’re dating. Value is intrinsic; we are born with it. We have value because the breath of God gave us life and the love of God gave us purpose. As Jesus said, “Fear not!” We do not need to fear being alone, neglected or unwanted. Christ is present. He never forsakes us. And He wants us so much, He was willing to die.
2. You are strong.
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped… (Psalm 28:7)
You might feel anything but strong following a breakup. But the power to move forward and move on comes not from our emotions, but from our faith in God’s love. As the psalmist said, God is our “strength and our shield.” He bolsters us up when we are weak and protects us from further hurt. All we have to do is hide ourselves under His wings (Psalm 91:4).
3. You are wiser.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)
Looking on the bright side might be difficult at the moment, but try to think of all the things you’ve learned through your relationship. You’ve learned what you need for a healthy, thriving relationship. You know your own weaknesses. You are better equipped for the future and can adjust your personal standards according to the wisdom you’ve attained. No relationship is a loss because God can use it for His good—as well as ours!
4. You are growing.
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 3:18)
Grace and knowledge don’t come into our lives by accident. They are often learned painfully. Growth can be painful, and when it involves a breakup, that is almost always the case. Remind yourself that though this season hurts, it is evidence of progress in your character. God is growing you spiritually and emotionally for what lies ahead.
5. You are loved.
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
These words may seem trite because we hear them so often, but let them sink into your mind: Jesus Christ took pain, torture and death so you didn’t have to—and He did it for love. True love is built on sacrifice and commitment. Real romance is found in the daily choice of loving another person even when it hurts. That is the love God has for you!
When thoughts of depression, regret, guilt or resentment fill your mind, remind yourself of these truths. Write these verses and pin them to your bathroom mirror or wherever you will see them. As you exchange the enemy’s lies for the truth about who you are and where you’re headed, you’ll come out of this season a stronger, more beautiful version of the woman God intends you to be.