5 Ways to Maintain Your Friendships After Having a Baby

    Are you scared to lose your friendships once you have a baby? If so, you’re not alone! It’s hard enough to maintain friendships as you and your friends get married. Add a baby into the mix, and it may seem like you and your single friends are in two different stages of life.

    Here’s the good news: Even when friends are in different stages of life, it’s very possible to stay close! As your single pals continue in their careers and relationships, you can continue to deepen your friendships with them. Here are a few ways to do so.


    1. Be the Host.

    When you were single or without a baby, it was easy to pop by a coffee shop for a few hours. Now you have to work around nap time and feedings. How do you make time to meet with your girls?

    A great way to do this is to be the host. Invite your friends to your house instead of going out. If you can, schedule your coffee dates or Pinterest nights to happen during nap time, giving you two to three hours of uninterrupted time together!

    If baby wakes up early, teach her to play quietly as you talk. By teaching independence early, you can train little ones to entertain themselves and be less high maintenance during girl dates (with grace for interruptions).


    2. Deepen Your Conversations.

    One of my own dear single friends told me her biggest issue with friends having babies is when all they talk about is their kids. It’s easy for our children to become the consuming topic of conversation, but that’s not sensitive to where our friends are in their lives. Instead, deepen your conversations by asking questions and introducing new topics. Read a book together or join a Bible study. Ask your friend what she’s learning lately. Discuss politics or cultural issues. Just because you have a baby doesn’t mean the conversation has to revolve around her!


    3. Stay Involved.

    Life gets busy with kids—but life is busy no matter what stage you’re in. We have to be intentional about our friendships. Stay involved by texting, calling and FaceTiming your friends (particularly the long-distance ones!).

    I love handwritten letters, and it’s hard to make time to write them. I’ve started keeping my stationery and stamps on hand and writing down birthdays on the calendar to prompt myself in this area. It means a lot to receive something in the mail!


    4. Take Your Baby With You.

    Babies benefit from learning how to behave in public, and they are capable of far more than we often believe. Take your baby with you on coffee dates. Teach him how to be quiet in public, how to eat nicely at a restaurant and how to be patient during conversation. Obviously, there will be a time frame on how long a child can last (nap time is calling!), but it’s good practice nonetheless.


    5. Keep in Contact.

    Don’t let your baby make you fall off the map! Learn to schedule your day so you can prioritize your friendships. As stated earlier, this takes intention—it won’t happen on its own. This may mean you do most of your communication at night when the baby goes to bed, or during midnight feeding sessions. You might not be as quick to respond, but at least you’re responding!

    You can also come up with creative ways to spend time with your friends by hosting Pinterest parties or a roundtable group, or joining a club. I have a walking partner who meets me at 5:30 a.m.! A good friend is willing to work with your schedule to make the relationship happen—because kids or no kids, it’s worth it.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


    1. I feel as though these are great ideas and principles in idea, but in practice they just aren’t fully practical. Sure, some are practical-ish. I feel as though this article assume that if you are a mom, you are a stay at home mom. The article also give the allusion that if you follow these tips, you’ll be able keep all of your friends. Here’s the reality of that: once you become a mother, you’re going to loose some friends. And that is perfectly natural and okay. Your main interest or pass times you both used to might have might not line up any more, or what you and they are concerned about are no longer the same. Scheduling might just be far too difficult. You aren’t going to be able to see them as much or often. That is perfectly okay too. You’re plate if pretty full, especially if you have a baby, a husband and a job. I mean, you are raising another human being for goodness sakes! I feel like this article pushes mother down who aren’t the “perfect mommies” who have time to host Pintrist-y parties and teach their children how to play quietly while mom has mommy time. It takes a lot of work, time, effort and patience to teach a child how to play quietly. You also need a friend who has the same type of patience if you actually want to practice this as effectively as possible for this kind of application. Overall, I feel as though you should be putting forth a more embracing attitude towards mothers. Accept this new stage in your life and find other moms who you can better relate to and is in a similar stage in their life as well. That also opens the door to socializing your child and teaching them how to play fairly with other children and possibly quietly with a understanding partner, Keep some old friend but make new ones too. Do keep up with some old golden friends, but by no means do you need to keep them all. Also understand that your life has changed by God’s will by bringing you a child and embrace it! Your a mother now, its ok your life is changing.

    2. Really good advice. Don’t have a baby lol, but this is something that’ll be good to remember (in any stage of life for that matter). Thanks!
      Also, could you write on things to do with your girls? I would love that.
      There have been a lot for new moms lately, that’s cool. Could we maybe get some more posts on getting married/ marriage? That would be super cool! Thanksss <3

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