There’s an unspoken law in Christian society: Single women should not make an effort to meet single men. Even if the woman wants to be in a relationship and is cultivating a thriving spiritual life as she waits, any effort spent on meeting the opposite sex is looked upon as “pursuit” or “desperation.”
But “desperation” is not an action; it’s a heart attitude of discontent. And contentment does not imply you are no longer interested in dating! A contented woman can enjoy her singleness while also putting herself in a place to meet the opposite sex. This is neither faithless nor presumptuous if her heart is right with God. Rather, it puts her in a place to hear His direction and meet His sons whenever the time is right.
So where do you meet these guys, since they aren’t going to show up on your doorstep? Here are five ways you might encounter them.
1. Through a Bible study or youth group
Maybe this is a no-brainer, but a local Bible study (co-ed, obviously) or youth group is a great way to meet people who share your faith. If your church doesn’t have a thriving group, you might consider attending an independent one, going to one hosted by another church or starting your own.
There is nothing wrong with meeting people through Bible study as long as you “keep the main thing the main thing.” If you start getting possessive or jealous of the guys in your group, it’s time for a heart check. Otherwise, it’s a great way to gather people in your age group together to learn more about the Lord.
2. Through a local class, club or event
Like to run? Look for a running club in your city. See a new art gallery opening or a food truck event? Get out of the house and go! You won’t meet people by staying inside all the time, running in the same circles month after month. Try new things, cultivate new hobbies, go to a dance class. By stretching yourself, you meet other people who are doing the same.
When I was single, I liked to attend local concerts at our downtown park. One of them happened to be a college singing group, and I was in the area, so I attended alone. When the concert was over, one of the members came over to pet my dog, and after we chatted a bit, he asked me out. Don’t be afraid to attend events you enjoy on your own. Be content and confident with your singleness!
3. Through family and friends
Give blind dates a chance. Let yourself be set up once in a while. You never know who you’ll meet! And even if the date doesn’t work out, you’ll have more experience under your belt. Dating takes practice—asking good questions, learning what to look for in someone. Turning down every offer from a well-meaning relative or friend will only limit the people you meet.
I’ve made some great friends and acquaintances through setups that didn’t work out. It’s not forever—it’s just a date!
Online dating isn’t what it used to be. If you’re busy launching your career, consumed with school and work, or living in a rural area or small town where it’s hard to meet people, consider dating online. Expand the radius to include your whole state or even bigger parts of the nation—don’t just isolate your immediate surroundings. Set your profile up to clearly state your spiritual priorities and then give it time! Be gracious and patient, and don’t judge only by appearances, which is very easy to do online.
5. Through a group event you host
Make a habit of hosting events for people your age and invite them to bring their friends. This could be a dance, a Bible study, a bonfire, tailgating—whatever! By regularly gathering people in a fun environment, you create a place for like-minded guys and girls your age to come together.
It’s okay to want to meet guys your age. But it’s going to take effort! Step outside your comfort zone and you might be surprised what—or who—you find there.