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    7 Bad Reasons for Dating

    Do you feel like everyone you know is dating? Do you believe that dating is the answer to your problems?

    There is a time for everything, including dating. Unfortunately, our society encourages us to do things in order to fit in or fill a void. And when we do something at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons, including dating, it usually has negative consequences.

    Yes, there are bad reasons for having a boyfriend, and here are some of them:

    1. You’re lonely. You’re tired of feeling alone, and having a boyfriend would fill that void and give you someone to hang out with or go places with.
    2. All of your friends have boyfriends. Everybody’s doing it, right? So, shouldn’t you get in on the action, too? Shouldn’t you date, too, so that you’re not the odd one out? The third, fifth, seventh wheel?
    3. You want to feel loved. A boyfriend will put you first. He’ll give you gifts on Valentine’s Day. He’ll be there for you when you’re feeling down or upset. He’ll be on your side, defending you, loving you and thinking about you.
    4. You want to feel worthy. If you have a boyfriend, then that will prove that you are worth something. Having a boyfriend will validate you as a person and prove that you’re as worthy as all the other girls out there who have boyfriends.
    5. You couldn’t say no. Maybe the guy you’re dating asked you out and you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Who knows, maybe you’ll grow to like him that way?
    6. You want to make someone jealous. Maybe it’s another guy you like or it’s a girl you don’t like, and dating this guy will hurt them. Dating’s no big deal, right? After all, you can break up with this guy when the job’s done.
    7. You need a rebound. You broke up with another guy and it hurt, so you opt to date someone else to ease the pain. Or maybe you want the guy who broke up with you to know that you’ve moved on.

     

     

    Ladies, do you want a boyfriend for the wrong reasons?

     

    T.M. Gaouettehttp://www.tmgaouette.com
    T.M. Gaouette is a freelance writer, ghostwriter, blogger and fiction novelist. She was born in Africa, brought up in London and is now living in New England with her husband and four children. Devoted to Him, Gaouette is dedicated to glorifying God through her stories for teens and young adults. T.M. Gaouette is the author of "The Destiny of Sunshine Ranch" and "Freeing Tanner Rose," Christian novels for teens and young adults. She's currently working on completing her upcoming novel -visit tmgaouette.com for more on her Christian fiction work. Connect with her on www.facebook.com/TMGaouette and https://twitter.com/TMGaouette .

    18 COMMENTS

    1. I do not have a boyfriend at 17 and never have, but I can relate. There are times that I feel like I want a boyfriend but it is usually when I’m at my youth group and the other girls have boyfriends. But I know that I really don’t and I just feel left out and lonely. Then I go hang out with my co-op/homeschool friends who don’t date and I feel better. Here’s a weird question: why does it seem like homeschoolers don’t date almost at all during their teen years? Does any other homeschoolers notice this?

      • Girl I totally feel ya! I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been homeschooled most of my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend before either. Ive been close to one but things just went really bad before anything was official. Yet I still understand where you’re coming from. Sometimes I’m perfectly fine and other times I feel so alone. Like maybe God forgot about me. But he hasn’t and I have hope knowing that the man I will spend the rest of my life with is out there somewhere. Don’t lose sight of what God promises his children <3

      • Lol it’s the exact opposite in my homeschool group! Our prom was miserable this year because EVERYONE that was my age had dates and I was like uh who am I going to dance with? hahaha I think one reason they may not is that they’re not constantly around their peers like people who go to school are. When you’re at school and you’re constantly with the same hundred people or so I think you’re more prone to date one of them. I honestly never thought about dating anyone in my homeschool group because the guys I know are all too good of friends to screw things up by having feelings for them haha.

    2. It took me too long to come to this realization that I had been dating for all the wrong reasons. Being not even 18 yet I thought I had nothing to worry about, that I was just dating for fun. I found value in the love that he showed me, so that even when he started treating me terribly I wouldn’t really think twice about it. After a year, he started abusing me. But my self-worth was so connected into the love he should me (the times after the abuse) that I would ignore everything else. I couldn’t leave. Then I found God and realized I was dating for all the wrong reasons, and that’s why my relationship wasn’t working. So just a warning to everyone who thinks dating for fun is all that it is – it never is. Take it from someone who’s been there.

    3. I concur this post! I’m 18 and started dating (for the first time) a few months after my birthday, but I waited till I was ready and knew that the guy I was going to date was ready as well, and he respected and cared for me as a person and not just as an object. The only thing is that I didn’t feel a complete release and peace about it from God and that made it hard in the beginning, but now we are 6 months and we are super happy. And everything has resolved itself out. I HIGHLY encourage girls to First, to wait till you are 18 no matter if you are ready or you and a guy think your are ready. I think that waiting till you are 18 is good starting age and allows you to (almost) complete or fully complete high school and brings in to a certain maturity. Secondly, know who you are in Christ or at least have a good foundation/idea. Because ultimately knowing who you are Christ will/can determine how your relationship plays out. When you know your value and identity in Christ, when “that” guy comes around you will be either more or less attracted to him depending on he treats you; because if you know your value in Christ, you will know that you deserve to be treated well, therefore setting the standard high. And when you date, Christ should (I think) be the center of your relationship, because when He is, it changes the dynamics of the relationship entirely.

    4. I’m 21 and I have never had a boyfriend nor have I been in a relationship. This really helped me, cause I keep getting discouraged since majority of my friends are married (or getting married) and I feel like the odd one out. I just need to remember that God has a plan for all of this, and His way is the best way 🙂

    5. I know it can be hard sometimes not to date when everyone else is and you’re the only single one left (or it at least feels like it). I’m not in that stage anymore, but I’m glad that I didn’t rush dating. The only reason to date is to lead to marriage. I basically have to say that I waited until the idea of marriage wasn’t scary anymore. At 16, guys asked me out and I really wanted to say yes, but time and again I doubted if I was ready yet. I didn’t want to break anyone’s heart. Now I have so say that waiting was the best decision ever. My motto was always this: If you date someone, you will eventually break up or get married, if neither sounds inviting, don’t date!

    6. I got into a relationship with a guy I barely knew when I was 16 mostly because my parents didn’t allow me to date before that and I HAD TO HAVE a boyfriend on my 16th birthday. Well, we dated for over two years and we figured out quick we weren’t right for each other but kept it going just so we could have someone, anyone. We were high school sophomores back then, and now we are seniors and have been broken up for almost two months. When we finally broke up, there was a lot of pain involved that wouldn’t have been so bad if we didn’t rush into it or ended it early when we knew it wasn’t right. Not to mention that, but his self control wasn’t as good as mine, and we nearly lost our virginity on several occasions. Girls, all I can say is make sure it is right and pray about it first…it’ll save you a lot of needless pain and disappointment and could keep you from making a BIG mistake

    7. Hey i kinda started dating my boyfriend because of the 5th reason and it was probably the best decision i’ve ever made. He was suuuper kind and we started talking about chastity and everything , we became BFFs in 2 weeks .I didn’t liked him totally that way though i felt anxious and flattered next to him back then cuz i kept wondering if he liked me . I knew it was a good decision cuz he was a nice christian guy who shared with me the same dreams and opinions and wanted to build a family with me .That´s how i knew it was God’s will :3

    8. I learned this at a young age (thanks to PI!) and it has saved me. Now, at 18, I am dating my first boyfriend. I waited for someone to come along, someone that made me want to be with them not for the reasons above, but simply because they are an amazing person. Love can be joyful, if you’re in it for the right reasons.

    9. I learned being single is ok, yes there re tempitions, of being single a lot of them, I wanted to be in a realshipon, for a long time, my time wasn’t yet to come yes I ‘d become lonely epescilly when it came to hanging around with cousins who ‘ve boyfriends + girlfriends,. almost all of boy cousins on my dad’s side of the family ‘ve girlfriends, two girl cousins on my mom’s side of the family ‘ve boyfriends + dating, one of them is looking for guys now, to go on a date with, ,.,
      I rather date with the rite reasons, ,., wanted to fall in love with someone with the rite reasons, not because almost everyone is doing it,!!!

    10. There is a time for everything, including dating. Unfortunately, our society encourages us to do things in order to fit in or fill a void. And when we do something at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons, including dating, it usually has negative consequences.

      Yes, there are bad reasons for having a boyfriend, and here are some of them:

    11. Very good points. There is a lot of good advices about what are the wrong reasons to date someone. And that’s really good, I think a lot of people need that. However I think there could be more about what is actually good reasons to date someone and what you should want out of a relationship. I found myself being pursued by a guy recently and realizing that I don’t really have very good answers to those questions. I know what I don’t want and what is not good, but what should I want and what is good? Because not every guy who meets the basic criterias of being a serious Christian and a generally nice person in somewhat the same age is going to be a good match for you.

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