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Love

“Am I Too Young to Get Married?”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. He is all the things I prayed to God for in a guy; however, there are a few things we aren’t on the same level [about].

1. He grew up in a home where having sex with lots of people was boasted about. (In fact, his dad tries to give him a hard time for not sleeping with me yet.) I grew up in a home that was so strict on the subject that I can barely even say the word “sex” without feeling like I’m sinning. Here’s the thing—we [went] absolutely too far once, and it just tore me to pieces for a while (until I learned to forgive myself like God forgave me), [but] he doesn’t see it as that bad. This is the only fight we have ever had. Now, before you think poorly of him, let me throw out there that he has told me that he was sorry it happened (because he [saw] how upset it made me), and that he’s sorry if he made me feel pressured and that he won’t do it again. So my question is: What can I do to help this situation?

2. He has joined the army and is currently going through AIT (his schooling for a degree) and wants to get married—after I graduate high school—this year. I love this idea, and I love everything about him: how selfless, caring and genuine he is. In other words, I feel confident about it. There’s just one question I keep having in the back of my head: “Am I too young?”

Thanks for all the encouragement you give us ladies, and for taking time out of your life to answer questions like mine. It truly means a lot.

Hey girl. Thanks for entrusting me with your questions. Let me first state that I’m pleased that you both agree about remaining chaste until marriage, especially since your boyfriend was brought up in a more sexually promiscuous environment. Of course, in contrast, I would also urge you to realize that sex is a beautiful thing designed by God for a husband and a wife. So sex itself is not a sin, just sex outside of marriage.

Anyway, you just need to discipline yourselves when you’re together so that you don’t get into a scenario that could compromise your desire to remain chaste. And the best way to achieve this is to avoid being in a situation that creates temptation.

Regarding your second question about being too young, I can’t answer that because I believe that outside of being underage, there really is no specific age for getting married. We all know of people who married young and their marriage lasted their whole lives. Then there are those who married later in life and their marriage didn’t last. So, age doesn’t determine the success of a marriage. Rather, success is based upon the maturity of the couple and whether those two people are right for each other.

Additionally, I don’t believe that you have to travel the world or live your life or have your fun before settling down. You can do all of that with the one you spend the rest of your life with. I do believe, however, that you should be strong in your relationship with God and that the guy you’re interested in should be equally devoted. Why? Because if you both love God more than each other, and have a strong desire to please Him and glorify Him in everything, then you will be good to and for each other.

So here’s what I think you should do:

  1. Regarding your question on saving your purity, I would suggest that you both make sure that you don’t put yourselves in a position in which you could be tempted. So avoid being alone in a private area, and avoid getting intimate.
  2. Regarding your question about whether you’re too young to get married, read the PI posts “10 Signs He’s ‘The One’” and “I Think I’ve Found ‘The One’! Now What?” I think you’ll find these useful and applicable to your situation.
  3. Pray for God’s strength. Call on God for both of these situations. God can help keep you strong in remaining chaste and in knowing if this guy is the right one for you.

Good luck and God bless!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: Lightstock | Stephanie Hulthen Photography

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12 Comments

  1. Grass_Hunting

    Posted by Grass_Hunting on April 12, 2015 at 15:29

    Ultimately, I do not know your exact situation, so you will have to sort this out between you and God. But let me say this… I have been in nearly your exact DESCRIBED situation (like I said, don’t know details), and I’m very concerned about the fact that you’re the one feeling that you need to be the one to help him. I’m so sorry, but you cannot save anyone. Don’t place that burden in yourself. No matter how much he says he loves you or how often he apologizes about going too far, people don’t just change like magic. If he doesn’t really have Christ, he won’t change. Trust me, I have been there, and I was too far in to see what I was getting myself into. Ultimately I ended up with two years of an abusive, manipulative relationship and a lot of pain. So, as I’ve said, I do not know your situation exactly. But I urge you, as someone who has been through some similar things, do not take another step forward until you are getting green lights from trusted family, your pastor/other church mentor, and absolutely most importantly GOD. Please step back and think before you make a choice. I’m definitely not saying that you’re too young, but if you haven’t had much experience outside of this you need to really be careful. It is not worth years of trying to pull yourself back together and getting yourself stabilized for some guy, no matter how much you care about him. Take it from someone who has already done it!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by pb1994 on February 24, 2015 at 20:20

    No, 1 for me. I have been with my Bf for about 7 months. Every time I’ve been over there. he sends me to his room and we either are watching tv, playing a video game, or watching a movie. Every time he get me in bed, I get this tension to have sex with him. There are some things that didn’t please God. I have told him 2-3 time not to keep doing this. Well, he keeps doing it. This last time that I hung out with him, I was ……. his leg. I gave me the pleasure to keep doing it, after awhile doing it, I got the urge to stop, layed back and did some other things to him.

  3. SignerGirl

    Posted by SignerGirl on February 13, 2015 at 07:21

    That first paragraph I was reading through like, “Was this written by me?” I found out the hard way that prevention is so much easier than putting a stop to things once they get going.
    I also am in a place where my boyfriend wants to marry me, but we don’t have any particular time in place. Just that he wants to be settled into life a little more first so he can financially support married life. We’re 19 and 20 right now.
    My only reservation is that my parents got a bad first impression of him (partially because of his family environment, which lead to behaviors that my culture don’t consider appropriate) and they’re still hesitant to accept him, though he’s proven himself trustworthy and respectful toward me since then.

    • SignerGirl

      Posted by SignerGirl on February 16, 2015 at 20:36

      I want to add that he’s also turned around since then. He seems now to be struggling against himself, instead of against God. And I think that’s because of our incident and the conversation that happened after.
      He made a decision then and there not to put me in a place where I would be tempted to compromise my boundaries. I don’t think he realized that it was just as difficult for me as it was for him before that.
      But he’s faithfully held to that promise he made that he wouldn’t push things that far again. He’s following the “rules” I’ve set.
      And he’s also started to grow in his relationship with Jesus. Which is such a wonderful thing to see happening. It’s amazing.

  4. 4EverProtecter

    Posted by 4EverProtecter on February 9, 2015 at 13:40

    I agree age doesn’t matter so much as knowing that he is the right one.
    He needs to encourage you in your faith,
    Share your faith,
    Agree to keep God in the middle
    Respect your boundaries. I have yet to meet someone to fulfill that for me personally so I am single. But I say, if he does all of that, you are good to Go!

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by kortni_pritchard on February 6, 2015 at 20:39

    I got married at 18. I’m now 19. A good quote that always gets me through.
    Person: “Getting married young, that’s like leaving the party early!”
    Me: “Yeah, but I left with the best person there.”

  6. Dreamerofcreations

    Posted by Dreamerofcreations on February 5, 2015 at 23:34

    I don’t think age is the thing you should be worried about… If he’s a great Christian, but finds sleeping around is no harm, and is going to join the army, I think you should ask God on how faithful he’ll stay to you if you won’t be spending time with him while he’s away. I was informed by a guy I know who was in the Air force 7 years and said that I shouldn’t rely so much on guys from the navy to stay “faithful” cause they get around. Your boyfriend is going to face a lot of temptations while away, and Satan is going to be there to whisper in his ear that “no one’s around” and “you don’t have to know”. Just pray for it all and we will too, but this is just a thought.
    Who knows? Maybe in the years to come, you two will have a kid, and he’ll always remember you two and see you two as a priority aside from God.
    God Bless Girly.

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by GodsAmbassador on February 5, 2015 at 19:17

    My boyfriend and I are 17&18 and about to turn 18&19. We’ve been together since I was 15 and he was 16… We go through so much drama with older people telling us we should have our fair share of fun before ‘ruining our lives’… It’s a sad ordeal but it’s only made us stronger. What people for understand is that although we are young, we are not stupid. We’ve made plenty sacrifices to own up to our responsibilities already. (And no, we don’t have children..) We have done some stupid things throughout the years but all in all, we’ve learned and grown so much not only in own life’s and each other’s , but also with God. Before him I never would’ve had the courage to speak to my youth group, or my church, or finally make my page, God’s Ambassadors. He is going to college to work in the railroad and I am going to college to be an X-ray technician. We both support each other in all that we do and even encourage each other to go further than our dreams. We’ve always lived a good hour’s drive away from each other and I’ve moved and switched schools 3 times within our relationship. (My dad works in the oil field…) I am a ‘sportsaholic’ and even ruined the cartilage in my knees from playing so many sports since jr high, I say this because it made both of our lives very busy and in the summers he would work in Texas with his stepdad on the windmills so we lived even further then. We’ve gotten so good at hurdling tees little obstacles in our journey that we share the same heart… Everything we do, we do as a team. We have decided to have a very long engagement until we’ve graduated college and did our fair share traveling and fun before ‘settling down’ with children. I think it’s amazing to have found my soul mate at such a young age and don’t understand why I need to explain to the ones whom I once looked up to that l am not just being ‘young and in lust’, and that just because most of my generation isn’t like us, you shouldn’t label everybody. It also doesn’t help that I’m partially Hispanic, and he comes from a very cultured Native American background. I mean, I absolutely love attending his Powwows and watching him sing and perform, but I cannot stand when people our age tease him about his passion. I know that until my last breathe, I will love him no matter what happens in our future. It makes me feel good that I can be myself and be comfortable around him, and even if I’m in almost four hours away while he was going to college in Kansas City, he’d drive to be with me at 6am on a Thursday for surgery. That even though I was on waaaay too many pain medication to remember two weeks of my life and I now have endless videos of a distorted drooling, swollen, and very silly me… He was there by my side throughout it all holding my hair while I was sick and telling me I was absolutely beautiful and doing everything I needed even though I was sometimes super grumpy and mean from the medication. I found a man who I know will provide, protect, and pamper me… As I will do the same for him. I don’t see a single reason as to why we shouldn’t get married young… If we decide we want to drink, I’m sure it’d be a much better ending if we were to walk home leaning on each other rather then some bimbo or jerkface who could do ungodly things in our intoxicated state. We already plan to travel and learn and try new things and experiences like sky diving even though we’re both terrified of heights, I’m going to teach him to skate and surf and he’s going to teach me to hunt and sing his songs for powwows… There is so many people out there that may or may not be good for me, but I’ve found the one that’s absolutely perfect for me… What’s wrong with us being young.?

    • remiliz

      Posted by remiliz on February 6, 2015 at 00:53

      This helped

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by GodsAmbassador on February 5, 2015 at 19:18

      Thank you SO much for this article. It feels good that there’s some who agree and know the difference. ❤️

  8. USGIRL95

    Posted by USGIRL95 on February 5, 2015 at 18:18

    This day in age, there is teen pregency, dating but break up quickly, average age is 13-14 years old. The High Schools in my county & state a lot of sex out of marriage is done,. I live in a catholic state, getting married late, women re time bombers when its comes to the abilty of children., getting married in late 30’s/40’s is the norm,. women re told to take care of themselves children & family re sec, fatmisum I’m glad this young woman wants to get married after she graduates HS,. saving herself for marriage!,. wish my o sister waited to ‘ve children till she was married., I’m waiting for a boyfriend/fiancé to say the words! ‘ll merry me? Jessica?! u re the prettiest girl God has given me! I’m waiting on that day., no 18/19 is not to young to get married its was common when my parents were in HS., its has faded very sad.,, my country needs rivial in the church & scoity.

  9. kellybarta14

    Posted by kellybarta14 on February 4, 2015 at 14:49

    I can’t relate to this at all, but I am fascinated with this. In my town, it seems to be the in thing to get married young, so many people are getting engaged at like 18 and 19. Thanks for sharing!