My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now. He is all the things I prayed to God for in a guy; however, there are a few things we aren’t on the same level [about].
1. He grew up in a home where having sex with lots of people was boasted about. (In fact, his dad tries to give him a hard time for not sleeping with me yet.) I grew up in a home that was so strict on the subject that I can barely even say the word “sex” without feeling like I’m sinning. Here’s the thing—we [went] absolutely too far once, and it just tore me to pieces for a while (until I learned to forgive myself like God forgave me), [but] he doesn’t see it as that bad. This is the only fight we have ever had. Now, before you think poorly of him, let me throw out there that he has told me that he was sorry it happened (because he [saw] how upset it made me), and that he’s sorry if he made me feel pressured and that he won’t do it again. So my question is: What can I do to help this situation?
2. He has joined the army and is currently going through AIT (his schooling for a degree) and wants to get married—after I graduate high school—this year. I love this idea, and I love everything about him: how selfless, caring and genuine he is. In other words, I feel confident about it. There’s just one question I keep having in the back of my head: “Am I too young?”
Thanks for all the encouragement you give us ladies, and for taking time out of your life to answer questions like mine. It truly means a lot.
Hey girl. Thanks for entrusting me with your questions. Let me first state that I’m pleased that you both agree about remaining chaste until marriage, especially since your boyfriend was brought up in a more sexually promiscuous environment. Of course, in contrast, I would also urge you to realize that sex is a beautiful thing designed by God for a husband and a wife. So sex itself is not a sin, just sex outside of marriage.
Anyway, you just need to discipline yourselves when you’re together so that you don’t get into a scenario that could compromise your desire to remain chaste. And the best way to achieve this is to avoid being in a situation that creates temptation.
Regarding your second question about being too young, I can’t answer that because I believe that outside of being underage, there really is no specific age for getting married. We all know of people who married young and their marriage lasted their whole lives. Then there are those who married later in life and their marriage didn’t last. So, age doesn’t determine the success of a marriage. Rather, success is based upon the maturity of the couple and whether those two people are right for each other.
Additionally, I don’t believe that you have to travel the world or live your life or have your fun before settling down. You can do all of that with the one you spend the rest of your life with. I do believe, however, that you should be strong in your relationship with God and that the guy you’re interested in should be equally devoted. Why? Because if you both love God more than each other, and have a strong desire to please Him and glorify Him in everything, then you will be good to and for each other.
So here’s what I think you should do:
- Regarding your question on saving your purity, I would suggest that you both make sure that you don’t put yourselves in a position in which you could be tempted. So avoid being alone in a private area, and avoid getting intimate.
- Regarding your question about whether you’re too young to get married, read the PI posts “10 Signs He’s ‘The One’” and “I Think I’ve Found ‘The One’! Now What?” I think you’ll find these useful and applicable to your situation.
- Pray for God’s strength. Call on God for both of these situations. God can help keep you strong in remaining chaste and in knowing if this guy is the right one for you.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!