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Christian Life

Are You Doing These 5 Things in Your Relationships?

My previous post discussed five steps for a healthy dating relationship. Here are some more tips on how to have happy and healthy relationships.

  • Continue to put God first. God gets upset when we put anyone or anything before Him.  In fact, Jesus says, “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37.) This means that we shouldn’t put any relationship before our relationship with God. Therefore, make sure that you’re not making time with your boyfriend a priority over prayer and Bible study time.
  • Don’t lose yourself in your relationship. New relationships are fun and exciting but don’t forget who YOU are in the process! Continue to do things outside of the relationship. Don’t neglect friends or hobbies that you enjoy. Remember, your relationship is a part of your life but it shouldn’t be your entire life.
  • Be courageous. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” You’re God’s girl and He’s counting on you to stand firm during temptation. Remember, you CAN say no! Just think about how good it feels when you stand up for what you believe in.
  • Discuss disagreements when you’re calm. You and your boyfriend won’t always agree about everything and that’s okay! However, disagreements should be handled with love and kindness. Remember, it’s impossible to take back angry words once they’ve been spoken. Consider making an agreement with your boyfriend to only discuss disagreements when you’re both calm.
  • Make sure your relationship is balanced. Yes, it’s important to be loved and respected, but it’s equally important to love and respect your boyfriend. This means allowing him to have the space that he needs in the relationship! For example, if you find yourself getting upset every time he wants to hang out with the guys, consider whether the relationship is balanced. Are you giving your boyfriend room to nurture his own friendships and hobbies outside of the relationship? Instead of getting upset, maybe you could take these opportunities to do things for yourself!

What are some things that you do to make sure that your relationships are healthy and happy?

Image: iStockphoto

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27 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by lilycosette17 on March 3, 2012 at 16:16

    i had liked this one guy for a while, but he hadn’t been the nicest to other girls in the past and so my friends and i decided it would be pretty risky for me and my relationship with god. Then he became a christian, and proved that he had changed. we are dating now and it’s really amazing to see what god can do in a person’s life- me and my boyfriend’s individual lives being 2 examples. Our relationship has a base in god! Also, once this guy i sort of dated who was atheist tried to convince me god isn’t real and tried to hurt me, and my wonderful boyfriend (at the time not my boyfriend) stood up for me AND Christ! Thank you for the amazing article!

  2. Posted by on November 12, 2011 at 21:14

    What we planned is at school, he sits with his friends and I sit with mine. When we’re both done, we hang with each other. That way, it is fair to us and our friends. 🙂

  3. Posted by on September 5, 2011 at 15:12

    This is great! I love all your advice for dating and such. My boyfriend and I are going to celebrate our 1 year anniversary next month, and we are both Christians, and both know without a SINGLE doubt that God put us together, (kind of a long story, but it’s great to say the least when God puts Mr. Right in your life!) and our parents are great examples of what love really means, and we plan on getting married! 🙂 To all of you girls out there that are waiting for the right one, don’t look for him yourself! Let God bring him to YOU, it’s the easiest way (trust me… I know by experience :\ ) Anyway, you’ll find Mr. Right when you are focused on God!

  4. Posted by on August 27, 2011 at 14:14

    Okay, so I get this. I love how you are sending such a great influence to girls everywhere. But one thing that I have been struggling with is that I’m not sure if it’s bad to date. I’m an only child and a daddy’s girl so my dad doesn’t want me to date and my mom feels the same way, but I think it’s okay if I set my boundaries down and if the guy doesn’t like them he isn’t a guy I should date.But I still feel like I would be doing something bad if i dated a guy that was a strong Christian, accepted and agreed with my boundaries and liked me for who I was. Any Advice would be extremely helpful. Thanks 🙂

    • Posted by Nicole on August 29, 2011 at 11:45

      how old are you? In my opinion, if you are younger than 16 you definitely shouldn’t. Because when you’re younger than that, you are not (usually) mature enough to handle dating, and too easily girls will wear their heart on their sleeves and get hurt. Why do you want to date? I think you should totally focus on yourself, your grades, perfecting your talents and abilities, and growing spiritually. Also when you’re younger, it’s VERY very very tempting to sleep with a boy you think you “love” when you don’t know what love is yet. Listen to your heart, it is God whispering to you what to do. I’m praying for you!

  5. Posted by on July 28, 2011 at 10:25

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. we plan on getting married. 🙂 and i’ll tell you what, you need to give him space, and you need to respect him. and you need to be firm and say no, and he may act fine with it, or he may get upset with you. and it doesn’t always feel good to say No. But it is so important.

  6. Posted by on July 28, 2011 at 07:34

    Also “Evangelical dating” that is, dating unbelievers, is very dangerous and more often than not will bring you down rather than bringing him up. Judging a guy’s character before you get into a relationship is very important.
    Girls often forget that the bible’s ultimate goal in romance is marriage. We’re too short term, we have bought into the world’s lie that you can only find the Mr. Right at the end of a trail of Mr. Wrongs. Is that really how it’s supposed to be? As girls we should be waiting for the right guy to come along and when he does, the surest sign that he is the one will be that he has a really strong faith in God.

  7. Posted by on July 18, 2011 at 10:21

    I recommend reading For Young Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice (Or, if you’re over 20, For Women Only.)

    • Posted by on July 21, 2011 at 08:47

      This advice is such a great guideline for relationships. I try to avoid relationships because the ones that my friends enter never have any of these morals which is so crucial in today’s society. It’s so awesome what you’re doing Ms. Nicole and I will continue to support through prayer and viewing all your articles. God Bless Project Inspired!! 🙂

  8. Posted by on July 17, 2011 at 04:45

    This is amazing advice! My parents have instilled(spelling?) this in me since I was very young and I believe it has worked. God has placed an amazing man in my life and we have been together for a year now. 🙂

  9. Posted by on July 16, 2011 at 11:23

    This is very good advice. I will be sure to follow it when I have a boyfriend. But I am curious now. How do we know when we love God more than anyone else?

    • Posted by Nicole on July 17, 2011 at 12:14

      When you put God first in all aspects of your life, and you don’t rush into a relationship. Repeatedly pray, and He will show you the way! He holds you in the palm of His hand, you are his precious daughter. Always remember that!

  10. Posted by on July 15, 2011 at 09:00

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over 3 months and I am so thankful that the first thing he said that we should do is put God first in our relationship! I think it is one of the factors that keeps us together, besides the fact were both crazy about eachother haha. These tips are very true and I think I’m doing a good job at following them lol 🙂

    • Posted by Nicole on July 15, 2011 at 23:05

      that’s amazing Elia, you are on the right track!

  11. Posted by on July 15, 2011 at 07:53

    My inner reactions:

    1) Continue to put God first. – Oh, hrm…um. :/ I guess I didn’t do that so well. I suck at this.
    2) Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. – Have I…? Kinda? …Okay, fine, I have.
    3) Be courageous. – Oh, okay, I think I’m okay there.
    4) Discuss disagreements when you’re calm. – I try to do that, but I think his problem was that he wants to tackle them at a bad time when I have a feeling he’d react quickly and negatively.
    5) Make sure your relationship is balanced. – I guess I did get upset or disappointed when he wanted to go do something else, and he never minded when I did. But then later on he -did- get to the point of just not spending much time with me at all, and, unlike before, he no longer messaged me ahead of time about if he wouldn’t be able to talk to me. Which kinda stinks when you’ve gotten into the habit of staying up til 2 AM to talk to him.

    • Posted by Nicole on July 15, 2011 at 23:08

      This is so good and healthy that you are thinking through these steps, and figuring out what you need to work on! that’s the first step to change. 🙂

  12. Posted by on July 14, 2011 at 15:23

    Why not avoid dating entirely, and save your heart for the one in millions that God has just for you? At least until you are old enough for it to matter.I think that one day having your husband know that no one else has held your heart except God is something that is very special; as well as much more romantic than premature high-school relationships. Just a thought! ^_^

    • Posted by on July 15, 2011 at 08:00

      I can understand what you mean, Samara, and that’s generally my opinion too. The only thing is I ran into the issues of falling in love with someone when I never intended to. Both times, I was trying to avoid dating or relationship sort of things, and it’s not like I like every guy I see (Side note: I never was in a relationship with the first one, and he never knew my feelings for him). Some people have the notion that you have “control” over this sort of thing. Honestly? If it really hits you–you don’t. It’s like you’re wandering along your own merry way and then suddenly a brick wall hits you out of nowhere. So…just my testimony. If you -can- do what you suggest, then that’s great. Just don’t always assume that you have control over that. Or, don’t assume that God doesn’t plan for you to run into these temporary things to alter your life at times. I was actually -praying- the second time it happened for it to “go away ’cause it’s not good for me right now.” But it actually ended up doing a whole lot of good in so many ways that shocked me. In the later months…not so much, but I think I just have trouble listening to God when He says “Okay, I’ve accomplished what I needed with you two. It’s time to let him go.” So, unfortunately, I’m just stupidly clinging.

      • Posted by on July 16, 2011 at 08:05

        I totally get what you’re saying, Exlon. And I seriously can relate. I’ve cared for one guy since the 7th grade (and I just graduated high school), and it seems that no matter what I think to myself or how determined I am to not be infatuated, my heart rebels and ignores what my poor head is saying. I really agree that you can’t control who you have feelings for, and that’s a fact. I’m not saying that’s what you need to avoid. What you can control is how far you go in terms of bonding with that person. Especially if you’re too young for a lasting relationship (which I have been and still probably am). Younger girls tend to be more romantic and bond more easily with guys they like.
        So again, I’m not saying you can control who you have feelings for. I know that from experience! It’s just what you do with those feelings that determines how intact your heart stays. And I know it’s hard, believe me. 🙂

  13. Posted by on July 14, 2011 at 15:11

    Very true! Even though I’m 19, I just entered into my first “relationship”. It was so easy in the begining to make him my entire world… until things started falling apart because there was no balance. I needed to make HIM (Jesus) my world, and that brought everything back into balance. Thanks for writing and sharing these great tips! There aren’t very many good role models out there, but you certainly are one of mine!

    • Posted by Nicole on July 14, 2011 at 17:10

      that means so much to me Nikki! you have no idea. 🙂 You are amazing!

  14. Posted by on July 13, 2011 at 18:59

    I will definitely use these when I have a boyfriend. If you don’t put God first, the relationship will not work out. If he dosen’t know about God, bring him to church with you.

  15. Posted by on July 13, 2011 at 17:11

    I lost my boyfriend in a fit of anger. I dumped him, and I regret it sometimes now 🙁 Good advice here Nicole, thank you for all the wonderful work you do, it is much appreciated 🙂