I know that many of you desire to be a wife someday. Some of you may even be wondering “Lord, when will I be married? I’m so tired of waiting!” A question I don’t hear a lot of singles ask is “God, am I ready to be a wife?”
The truth is a lot goes into preparing to become the kind of woman who is a gift to her future husband. How often do you consider the great responsibility of starting a family versus the fantasy of having a doting husband to spend the rest of your life with?
Trust me, I’m not trying to burst any bubbles. Marriage is so amazing, but when the Lord brought my husband into my life at the young age of 22, it wasn’t until I finally decided to face the labor-intensive tasks of walking through healing, restoring relationships and giving the Lord my complete attention that He could show me what my purpose was on this Earth.
I stopped dating at the age of 17 so that I could let go of distractions and keep a tight grip on God’s promises. He was faithful to both me and my husband in our commitment to be abstinent and focus on Jesus while we were single, so I hope to shed some light on some of the major qualities that make up a God-centered marriage.
- Do you have a selfless heart? Jesus was the Son of God, but He was the ultimate example of serving others. This doesn’t mean He wants us to be a doormat, but it’s very clear that we need to be willing to lay down our lives for His purpose. This means doing things for others when we don’t feel like it, or sacrificing something when it’s very inconvenient. Marriage is a full-time task of making sure you’re doing what it takes to be a help-mate and accountability partner to an imperfect human, and some days are harder than others.
Then Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25)
- Do you walk in forgiveness? Throughout my childhood, there were many hurts I held onto and brought into my adult life. When I surrendered my life to God, I felt a strong conviction to leave them behind. Unforgiveness wasn’t helping me at all; it was only dragging me down and putting a filter of distrust on all of my relationships. Letting go of what happened in the past was a major step in my maturity as a Christian and it’s a cornerstone of my marriage to this day. I could hold every mistake my husband has made against him, or I can walk in forgiveness and we can choose to repent and learn from our mistakes together.
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (Matthew 6:14)
- Do you understand the gift of intimacy? I’ve heard it said time and time again that it’s okay to have sex outside of marriage. We have free will to do whatever we want, but there are some things that are designed to be done between a husband and wife. This isn’t to stop you from having fun—it’s to keep you from losing out on an amazing gift. It’s also important not to be afraid or ashamed of sex, but to look forward to it so that it doesn’t rule over you as a chore or duty. Understanding this is imperative to honoring God and your husband even before your wedding night.
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:15, 18)
- Do you allow the Lord to lead you as you lead others? “Because I said so.” I think we’ve all had this said to us by at least one of the elders in our family. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t wait to grow up and get a chance to put my foot down on a subject matter without having to explain myself. A true leader is patient and respectful in their household and doesn’t use their authority as an excuse to become a dictator or do things based on how they feel. It’s imperative to pray and be led by the Holy Spirit when figuring out the direction in which you need to go. Being led by the Lord in how we live our lives and how we lead those who are in our families is key to having a healthy and respectful dynamic as husband and wife.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:6)
- Do you fully trust God to provide your husband? You may say you want to be married, but fears can creep in and try to take up residence in our heart. It’s up to us if we allow ourselves to act on those fears. If you’re believing in a Godly husband, but you find yourself going out to clubs, setting up multiple online dating profiles or keeping the door open to an ex “just in case,” you’re putting your faith in your own abilities instead of trusting that God knows your needs better than you do. It’s impossible to anticipate what qualities you’ll need in a spouse 30 years down the line, but the Lord has already been developing your husband’s characteristics to complement yours in the most intricate ways. Your only job is to prepare to be found.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)
I hope this inspires you to be actively waiting while in your season of singleness. There are so many amazing things about being single, and you don’t have to be anxious about a ticking clock. Focus on becoming the right person for the right person.