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Love

Ask Aysha: Are Promise Rings Okay?

I’m a freshman in college and my boyfriend wants to give me a promise ring. Are promise rings okay for Christians?

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are pretty committed to your relationship. That’s great–being fully committed is important in order for any kind of relationship to flourish. However, it also seems that your attention is divided as you focus on finishing college. This makes sense, because it’s also important to focus on completing your educational goals.

Since we’re on assignment on Earth, God wants us to be intentional about everything we do, including our relationships. If you truly believe your boyfriend is the person God has assigned to you as your husband, then a promise ring is okay. However, you should be sure you’ve heard from God about the situation before accepting the ring. Although it’s not a formal engagement, a promise ring does represent intention and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Leviticus 19:11 says this:

Do not deceive one another.

There’s nothing wrong with accepting a promise ring, but you may want to consider the following before doing so:

  • Have you consulted God? Has God indicated to you that your boyfriend is your future husband? If God has confirmed it, then great, go ahead and accept the promise ring–it’s only a matter of time before marriage. However, if you haven’t gotten confirmation yet, perhaps you should hold off on that promise ring. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, but it might be better to pump the brakes until you hear from God.
  • Will the commitment interfere with school? Obviously, finishing college is important to you. Make sure that the level of commitment a promise ring brings won’t interfere with your academic pursuits.
  • Is there any ulterior motive?  Make sure your guy isn’t offering the promise ring for the wrong reason. Sometimes people will try to hold onto others if they feel insecure. Relationships require trust and the promise ring shouldn’t be a way to keep you from having (Godly) fun while at college. Also, make sure that your motives for wanting to accept the ring are pure. Don’t think that you have to take it in order to keep the relationship flourishing.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure that your intentions are honest and clear so that no one gets hurt.

What do you think about promise rings, girls?

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13 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by Liz on January 23, 2013 at 15:08

    I think that if you’ve been dating him and if you feel he is someone you want to marry, you should!! I would say it’s an ok move especially if God is the center of your relationship! That’s so important. Also, I’d say discuss it with your parents. To me, a promise ring is a huge way of saying that you both want to stay committed and faithful. Even though a ring shouldn’t be needed for that :p!!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by kesanfilippo on January 20, 2013 at 12:50

    I received a promise ring and felt guilty for not wanting to marry the man about two years later. Promise rings are a very tricky area. As a 23 year old, I would say it’s only okay to have an engagement ring and then a wedding ring. That is just my perspective because promise rings weigh more than we think on our hearts and our relationships.

  3. photochic

    Posted by photochic on January 19, 2013 at 11:53

    I think its totally fine to accept the promise ring from your boyfriend, as long as you guys are both totally serious and have talked to God about it. I think its super important that you BOTH get confirmation from God.
    If the promise ring is from your parents (as is mine), then I think its super okay! I still think that you have to make the commitment with God as well, since He is a big part of any relationship you will be in, especially with your potential future spouse.

  4. daisyann

    Posted by daisyann on January 16, 2013 at 20:47

    Well I think there is two way to accept a promise ring. If its from your dad that’s a whole different story. If that’s the case definitely accept. Accepting it from a boyfriend should take a little more thought.

  5. Paris

    Posted by Paris on January 13, 2013 at 23:22

    Promise rings are fine as long as God approves and as long as you keep the promise it represents.

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by RuthyBear on January 13, 2013 at 03:46

    I’m a high school sophomore, and my boyfriend and I are serious. I talked to my mom, she likes him, as his family is christian, as is ours. He and I have both been baptized. I now wear a promise ring, because I’ve consulted God about it, and nothing felt wrong about it. As long as God approves, it’s right.

    • Kyla

      Posted by Kyla on January 13, 2013 at 15:54

      That’s awesome! I totally don’t see anything wrong with it. I’ll be praying that you relationship endures. 🙂

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by Rhoda on January 12, 2013 at 11:39

    Honestly… If you are not intent to marry, don’t accept rings. If you’re in a relationship (courting i mean) then your bond to each other and to Christ should be of enough “promise” identification.

  8. asmile22

    Posted by asmile22 on January 12, 2013 at 08:04

    This is a huge step in your relationship, if you don’t take it seriously the relationship will crumble. Make sure that God has placed you together, you might want to wait a few more years because as a fellow college student, I know that a lot changes in just a few months!

  9. sha566

    Posted by sha566 on January 12, 2013 at 06:17

    yes if you have only been dating for like one year then no, but a couple years ad your like absolutely positive you want to marry him and think he will never leave you then yes they’re okay

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Shirano on January 19, 2013 at 23:58

      My husband gave me a promise ring before a year of dating and we started dating about a month after meeting. Then he gave me an engagement ring. We were married within a year and a half. Got married at 18 and 19 years old. We both prayed about it and knew God wanted us to get married that young. All relationships should be taken before God for their timing, not to the world and what it thinks is appropriate.

    • Kyla

      Posted by Kyla on January 13, 2013 at 15:53

      If God lets her know its okay then I think even a year is an acceptable amount of time

  10. Project Inspired

    Posted by wangjaja_33 on January 11, 2013 at 13:19

    I definitely agree that you should be sure it is the right guy before accepting. After all, it is a promise