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    Ask Aysha: “Are There Any Good Guys Left?”

    It seems like the guys that I date always turn out to be jerks. They seem really great in the beginning, but later I find out that they’re hiding things from me and they start to act really rude and inconsiderate. I don’t understand–are ALL guys jerks? Are there any good ones out there?

    Dating can be difficult because it involves two imperfect people. However, you deserve healthy, happy relationships, and there are MANY great guys out there! Here are some tips to help you attract healthy relationships:

    • Designate more time to read the Bible and pray. It’s important that your relationships are ones God sends your way. Make sure that the people you’re involved with are not being used by the enemy to distract you. The only way to know if God has given His stamp of approval on your relationship is by getting divine direction through reading His Word and praying.
    • Consider courting. Dating is typically what the world engages in just to have a little fun or so that people can say they’re in a relationship. However, God instructs His people to marry so that married couples can unite to fulfill the purpose that God has for them together. You may want to consider just having friendships until you’re ready to engage in more intentional courting.
    • Focus on yourself. Spend some time building yourself up. You’re GOD’S girl, and that makes you so wonderful and unique! Spend more time focused on becoming who you and God want you to be. Build on your strengths and work on areas that you think you need to change. Start doing things to enhance your greatness, like trying new activities, joining organizations, volunteering, taking some classes or finding a mentor. As you focus on building yourself up, an amazing thing will begin to happen: You’ll start to attract people into your life who want to treat you well.
    • Date other Christians. It’s really important that you enter relationships with people who share your love for God. God IS love, so in order for someone to truly be able to love you properly, he has to first have a relationship with God himself. Agape love is the overflow of God’s love onto people, so in order for someone to be able to demonstrate that kind of love toward you, he has to first have a relationship with God himself. You might want to take a few minutes to read this article about whether you should date a nonbeliever.
    • Know your worth! Even at the beginning of relationships, we often see signs of a person’s true character. Sometimes we ignore these signs because we don’t want to end the relationship. When you see red flags, DON’T ignore them. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship! Remember, God will send someone who will love you beyond measure. Don’t settle for less than what God says you deserve!
    • Forgive. Forgive those who have hurt you in the past so that you don’t block your future blessings. Remember, forgiveness is for you, not for them. If you want a healthy, God-sent relationship, you have to free yourself from the bondage of unforgiveness. Take a look at this article about forgiveness prayers.

     What do you girls think? Do you have any tips to add?

    More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

    Ask Aysha: “Help! My Friends Keep Pressuring Me to Ask a Guy Out!”
    Ask Aysha: How Do You Know If the Love Will Last?”
    Ask Aysha: “Is He Busy? Or Is He Just Not Interested?”

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.

    29 COMMENTS

    1. I totally agree. And on top of that, be praying for the person you’re dating, and pray that God will help you to see them in a healthy light, as well as for help recognizing where you’re not being the best person you can be.
      Also, continue in your relationships with your girlfriends! 😀 That’s kinda hard when the guy you’ve been crushing on FOREVER finally shows signs of wanting to spend time with you, but spending some time with your bffs helps you to get a better perspective on your relationships and gives him some time to be his own person, which is really important. You don’t want to smother him! 😀

      • It’s a term. This doesn’t mean you go on dates with the guy with a butler present and that all your “beau” does is bring flowers every now and then. What they mean by courting is to take what we call “dating” seriously. Don’t date “just for fun,” because more than likely, you’re just going to get yourself emotionally beat-up when the end comes and the two of you may have different expectations of each other. Courting in this case basically means when you date, date because you can potentially see marrying this person some day (and when you’re dating, let them know at the beginning that you only want to be in a relationship if you can see it going somewhere permanently).

        • Then just call it dating. Calling it by the original term perpetuates the misogynistic connotations.

        • That’s what my husband and I did, and yeah, we just called it dating. “Courting” sounds like that thing with chaperons and side hugs. O.o

        • Not really. She just calls it courting to specify the difference. It might be unclear to some people to say “dating, but like, seriously.” Most people don’t take her to mean “having a chaperone on every date,” because they understand this thing called context.

      • I struggle to find the right word to use. When I say courting, it sounds like something between an arranged marriage and scientific process of finding the “perfect” spouse. When I say dating, it sounds like I’m only looking for fun and never stick with one guy long. Maybe we need a new word to describe being serious about finding a husband?

    2. Love it!I used to have lots of meaningless relationships that affected me and my family but by the grace of God, I’ve told God that I would take 5 years off relationships so that I could focus on Him. This year would be my 4th year. Besides that, I gave up dating and decided on courting instead. I want to save myself only for my husband! 🙂

    3. You know what? I really don’t like the fact that both ‘courting’ and ‘dating’ have become so stereotyped and are now seen as the totally opposite ends of the spectrum. They’re just terms. Just words. They don’t have any definition or meaning until YOU put one there. Not all dating is ‘just for fun’ and not all courting is really better. My sister is ‘dating’, but that doesn’t mean she’s just doing to get the ‘dating experience’. She and her date have been friends for several years, and they felt there was something more. They wanted their relationship to be able to grow into something more because they had very strong mutual feelings for each other. They both honestly believe that they will marry one day, because they feel that’s what God is calling them towards. They don’t just spend time with their family, and they don’t just spend time with each other, with no supervision.

      I really don’t have much of an experience with courtship, but I am hard pressed to believe that it’s any better than what my sister has already.

      • I have a boyfriend but let me preface this by saying a serious relationship has been two years in the making. We’ve talked quite honestly often over these two years. We recently decided that there was more than a friendship in this though we decided to take things slow even though we had been talking for so long. He is a very strong conservative Christian. He respects immensely because of my honesty with him and my values since he shares them. Yes essentially we’re courting since got to know each others before entering into a relationship. We may not be marrying each other but we both have intentions of it being long term.

    4. My boyfriend broke up with me over the summer, and I thought I could never find a guy after him. I guess God had a different plan though!!:) I laid every aspect of my life at his feet(not easy!!) and I prayed that I wanted a guy to spend the rest of my life with that had to be a Christian, sweet, funny, and have a heritage of Christianity, (oh and also a country boy:)) and I met this guy who just moved here this year!!:) I don’t know if I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with him, but I just wanna say THERE ARE GOOD GUYS STILL OUT THERE! I PROMISE!!!

      • Reading what other Christian girlies have posted has really challenged my walk with God, with dating, and also the way I look at guys! 🙂 thank you so much! and just give God your all and he will place the right guy in your life in his Perfect timing:) and friends along the way too. You never know, just trust him. Proverbs 3:5-6

    5. Eurydice everything always is outdated to you. Would you call God outdated? No. So therefore it’s not outdated, people these days just think they can twist things to a different meaning.

    6. Amen! This is wonderful, and great advice! And should definitely be a check list for those of you beautiful Godly ladies who want a relationship with a wonderful man who will love them. A womans heart should be so lost in Gods love, that any man shall seek Him first to love her.

    7. Can someone give me explicit examples of great guys who are out there that are still single and not football players? All of the godly Christian men I know are married, and the rest are lecherous jerks who call themselves “Christians”, but drool and slobber just when you show an inch of your leg and are just downright jerks. I know there must be good guys out there (why else would God make men?) but I’m getting extremely discouraged.

    8. I feel like on here if I say I’m dating people are gonna be like, “Oh no! Be good and ‘court’, dating is not glorifying God!” But I am dating for a reason, a permanent reason, marriage. Even with the 1st 3 months of my relationship we had bumps where I honestly considered breaking up with my boyfriend but I CARE about him and stayed and now we’ve been together for 7months(on the 7th).
      Also its not just the guys out there who make mistakes, GIRLS DO TOO! And sometimes no matter how much praying you do to God you will end up dating/courting someone and it won’t work out, because even if God didn’t want you to be with them forever He put them there to teach you something.

      • Thank you for such encouraging and wire words. I pray that you and your significant other get married one day and live the lives that God planned for you and that you won’t be sidetracked by the pressures of this world. God bless you.

    9. Are there any good guys left? Sure! How to find them, how to evaluate them, Well,,, get lots of girls and throw lots of parties and invite the guys over!

      R U christian? Have bible studies at a house and have a pastor come by and do a “short” study or “short” blessing.
      Be creative !
      Have Bible Parties, using Bible themes.
      Invent things to discuss,,,
      Invent some games to play,,, simple and easy.
      Ask bible subjects and topics,,,
      Challenge them to study,,,,
      Have a prize,,,, ! A book or movie ticket or bowling.
      Check On line for help and tips and party ideas,,,
      At the party turn off cell phones & no texting,,,,
      Use your mouths to talk to people and conversate,,,
      Be sure adults are around but not invading everything,,,
      Don’t become exclusive with a guy,,,
      Be a good listener,,,
      Learn how to ask questions,,,
      Take lots of pictures,,, don’t embarrass people.
      If you like dancing and it is acceptable and respectful,
      and have the room,,, do that,,, Group dancing, not hugging
      and embracing…
      Then sometimes have a serious night,,,
      have everyone write a question, put in a hat, pull one by one, Questions should be anonymous, and should be a question you would like to ask the opposite sex for there perspective,,, Keep it clean and respectful. Pay attention !
      Have political party, What do you know about your world?

      Simply Girls,,, if ya want to find good guys,, you got to meet them somewhere,,, So trolling in the world is a bad deal.

      Do things,,, Create activities,,, In the OT Bible stories there were many festivals God established and during those times the opposite sex could meet, greet guys and learn and have fun !

      Have a parent night,,,, Invite all the parents, have a barbecue or pizza time,,,, Shock the parents,,, write a speech to them 100 words or less of expressing gratefulness.

      Be good role models,,, Godly living epistles.
      Dress modestly, do not create wandering eyes, you are not a
      public billboard.

      Encourage those that need that, edify others with respectful talk, do not gossip, do not envy, do not covet,,,

      Sow kindness, compassion and gentleness with your attitude!

      After its all over and the night is left with reflection and memories,,, what you really did then was have church !!!
      Wherever 2 or 3 are gathered in MY name, there I am in your midst.
      Jesus will be there too!
      Reminder,,, turn off cell phones,,, No texting,,,, family EMERGENCY only.
      Use your mouth, ears, and brains to relate.
      Pray for others!
      Wow,,, are you ready to grow?

      • Thank you for posting this comment! It has encouraged and inspired me to start a youth group that at a church in neighbourhood I may be moving to really soon! Or part of your comment puzzled me, though. You advised us not to become exclusive with a guy. However, to get married one must become exclusive with a guy at some point, so when do you suggest we start focusing on only one guy?!

    10. I can really say that when I put my eyes on Jesus, it doesn’t matter so much about guys. Then as I dig into God’s word, I have guy friends that aren’t jerks. Thanks for this reminder! Keep going after God because you won’t be disappointed.

    11. There are so many good guys out there. I’m homeschooled and have the privilege of knowing some amazing, respectful, Christian guys who go to my co-op. There are also some pretty amazing guys at church, too.
      Focus on God, and the right guy will come along. 🙂

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