Ask Aysha: “He Says He Needs Space. What Should I Do?”

    My boyfriend told me a couple of months ago that he needed “space.” I didn’t quite know what he meant by “space,” but now I see him hanging around other girls a lot. And when he sees me, he turns away and avoids eye contact. Recently, I asked him if he still liked me and he just walked away. What should I do?

    Relationships are one of the hardest things to maneuver because they often involve attachment, intense feelings and emotion. Often when we really care about someone, our judgment becomes somewhat impaired. God knows that when we fall in love, we are emotionally and spiritually connected to that person. This is why He tells us this:

    Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23).

    God tells us to guard our hearts because He doesn’t want to see us hurt by other people. One of the reasons that I encourage courting so much is because dating the way the world dates often causes pain and heartache.

    I know that this is tough for you, but it sounds like your boyfriend wants to date other girls. Clearly you care about him a lot and it must be hard to have to face this. However, I encourage you to release him so that he can pursue whatever relationships he decides to pursue right now. You’re SO special, and you deserve someone who will love you exactly the way that you deserve to be loved.

    I encourage you to use these tips as you heal from this breakup:

    • Allow yourself time to heal. Breakups are difficult especially when you still have feelings for a guy. It’s natural to be sad for awhile, so take the time that you need to recuperate.
    • While you’re healing, ask God to give you strength and to heal the emotional wounds that this relationship created. Spend more time in His presence. Read the Bible often and pray more. You’ll be amazed at how much quicker you’ll heal as you spend more time in God’s presence.
    • Forgive your boyfriend for hurting you. We’re ALL imperfect people.
    • Find someone who is a good listener, and talk. Sometimes just talking can make you feel better.
    • Spend time pampering yourself. Spending time and resources on yourself helps you to remember how GREAT you truly are.
    • Don’t jump into a new relationship too soon. Take as much time as you need to heal. Also, consider courting so that God can send the RIGHT guy to you, in His timing.
    • Try some new things. Have fun with your girlfriends! Do something you’ve never done before but have always wanted to do. Focus on what’s right in your life.
    • Remember who you are and WHOSE you are. You are a child of The Most High God, a part of a royal priesthood, fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of almighty God. That makes you extremely special. Never forget your worth!

    I know that you’re in a tough spot right now, but you’ll heal and with God’s help this will be like a distant memory in due time. Even as painful as this is, every experience helps to create us into the people that God wants us to be. Perhaps this situation will be something that you’ll be able to use to help other girls in the future. Remember:

    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

    Have you ever been in this situation before? Do you have any other advice?

    More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

    Ask Aysha: “Help! I Feel Like I’m Invisible to Guys!”
    Ask Aysha: “Is It Okay to Date My Best Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend?”
    Ask Aysha: “Are There Any Good Guys Left?”

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. This is EXACTLY what I needed. My ex and I dated for 14 months straight, and he was my first. He told me he needed space for at least a little while to get his head straight, but it’s been about 1.5 months, and it appears he likes one of my best friends. Thank goodness both of them are super sweet, and my best friend tried so hard to shelter me from any more potential heartbreak. But it still hurts 🙁 Thanks!

    2. I really liked this article:)!! Made me realize that I have to respect the person and when they say they need space. I love the verse attached. Proverbs 4:23…guard your <3heart. I realized that its hard to forgive the guy that hurt you, but its what God does for us. Stay true to yourself, and don't change for anyone…especially a guy.

    3. I hate when guys do this. I seems like cowardice to me. Instead of being a man and actually telling her he wants to break up he still leads her along a little bit while he goes after other girls. It just makes me mad :p

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