Ask Aysha: “Help! I Feel Like I’m Invisible to Guys!”

    I have a lot of guy friends but very few guys are actually interested in dating me. I know that God loves me and that He’ll send the perfect guy for me in time, but I have to admit that I really would like more guys to be interested in me. It’s especially hard to cope with when everyone around me is dating. Quite frankly, I’m feeling INVISIBLE. What should I do?

    I know it can be tough when you want to be in a relationship and things don’t seem to be aligning themselves the way you’d like. It can be especially difficult to be single during the spring and summer months, when it seems like everyone around you is in relationships. The warm weather combined with couples holding hands all around you can be heartwrenching when you long for the same type of experience. So what do you do when you start feeling invisible?

    Focus on YOU!

    I know this may sound like a clichéd answer, but it really is the best thing to do. What you don’t want to do is begin to feel self-pity or to keep telling yourself that you’re invisible, because then you’ll begin to emit that kind of energy into the atmosphere. Spirit attracts spirit, so if you’re feeling invisible or unworthy on a regular basis, then you’ll begin to attract people who’ll treat you like you’re invisible and unworthy.

    When you remind yourself of your GREATNESS and tell yourself you’re so special that God is taking extra time to make sure the guy that He eventually sends your way will be the perfect match for you, then you’ll avoid some unnecessary brokenness.

    It’s better to wait for God than to experience a relationship that could leave long-lasting hurts.

    When I was in high school and college, I wasn’t the most physically attractive person by society’s standards. I was pretty plump, my teeth were crooked and I felt invisible to guys. Unfortunately, I eventually began to attract people who didn’t value me because I didn’t really value myself. I’ve since learned that I’m more precious than rubies (Proverbs 31) and that God sometimes makes me wait because He wants His children to be the standard that the world looks up to.

    You may have to wait a little longer for the love of your life to find you, but maybe there’s a reason for it. Maybe God is trying to make YOU the standard in YOUR peer group! Wouldn’t it be something if God was trying to use you to show others the Godly way to have relationships? As people watch how God sends your guy to you and then how He prospers your relationship, He’ll get the glory through the blessing.

    Of course, it can be tough waiting on God, so I encourage you to do a few things as you wait:

    • Pray more so that God can give you the strength to endure and grow spiritually as you wait to find your Prince Charming.
    • Whenever you start feeling down, capture your thoughts and speak life into the situation. Remind yourself of your GREATNESS and speak Scripture that confirms this. Remember, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). You get what you say!
    • Don’t forget the purpose of Christian dating/courting. It shouldn’t be for recreation, but for finding your husband. Keep reminding yourself that God has the perfect guy for you and that you’ll find him when the time is right.
    • Don’t envy people who are in relationships. You don’t always know what’s going on in them, and besides, yours is on the way!
    • FOCUS ON YOU! Spend time loving yourself and making yourself better. This way, the energy that you emit into the atmosphere will draw back the positive aspects that you want from relationships.
    • Don’t forget about your girlfriends! Be sure to cultivate a circle of friends who love you and are there to give you support whenever you need them. And vice versa!

    Any other suggestions, girls?

    More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

    Ask Aysha: “Is It Okay to Date My Best Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend?”
    Ask Aysha: “Are There Any Good Guys Left?”
    Ask Aysha: “Help! My Friends Keep Pressuring Me to Ask a Guy Out!”

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    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. I feel that way sometimes. I’m seventeen years old and it safe to say that I’ve never had a boyfriend before,or had a guy truly loved me for me. Sometimes it’s those magazines that makes it seems like you need a boyfriend to survive ,but it’s not true. You have to have faith and believe that God knows everything in your heart.

      • If you’re not content with LIFE while single, then you have stuff to work on. But I think that God puts a need in a lot of people’s hearts, girls and guys alike, to be love and be loved with that ONE person that God designed uniquely to walk through life with them, and to encourage them in Him, and eventually to perhaps help them raise children to love, honor, and serve Him. I don’t believe that it’s a problem if you dislike being single, as long as it’s not an obsession, because that’s how God made us. 🙂

        • I’m not saying it’s wrong to dislike being single but they shouldn’t be like Oh I need to find someone or I need a bf/gf and I’m so lonely etc… That’s what I am saying You have to be ok with being single for the time being until the relationship happens.

    2. This is a great article 🙂
      However, I do have a question…I know people are always telling me that the man God planned to put in my life is coming. I don’t doubt that God can do that. But I also know that God calls a lot of women to serve Him and he calls them to be single. In the Bible, Paul even says sometimes it’s better to be single. But as a girl I still feel the want to have a husband eventually. Although, if God called me to be single, I would live that out. How do I remove the fear of single-ness and just accept whatever God put in my life?

      • Ironically, even though im single right now, i might be able to answer your question:)
        Some people receive the gift of singleness for their entire lives to dedicate their lives to God, yes, but if God gives you that gift, he will be sure to also give u the desire to just live for solely Him and He will drive that fear away if its really from Him. I feel the same exact way! But God has it in his hands. Hope this helped:)

    3. I’ve felt the same way. I’m eighteen and I’ve never had a boyfriend (Aside from the one day relationship I had in kindergarten)
      I’m starting to feel more invisible now that prom is coming up and I don’t have a date, although I’m not really sure if I want one, because a lot of guys at my school expect sex on prom night, and I’m saving myself until marriage.
      Although I feel invisible when it comes to guys, I’m happy with where I am in my life right now. In a way, it’s good that I didn’t find anyone in high school, because high school relationships rarely work out once everyone goes off to college.

    4. I liked this article:) and I think that its better to have guy friends that to always have a boyfriend…God puts people in your life to teach you something. He will put the right guy in your life at the right time. And just stay true to yourself and focus on God, he is whats most important!!:)

    5. But what’s there to even prove I have a perfect match waiting for me in life? I just get really tired of watching friends get these relationships handed to them when I feel like maybe none of them even know what love is really like. I was happy with the one relationship I ever had, but it couldn’t work out because he wasn’t a Christian. But we went so well together. While various friends don’t seem to grieve at all over the end of 3-year long relationships (probably because they did the dumping), I’m left brokenhearted over the one person who ever loved me back, and we weren’t even together as long! I start college, and I meet a guy a year after my breakup who is the first person to make me -not- miss my boyfriend, and he seems like a really great guy and we could actually get along really well, but he’s been dating this one girl for years and I heard was planning to propose to her soon. What. The. Heck? Someone tell me why my friends get it so easy. I’m still mourning over a relationship that ended a year and a half ago and I can’t even let myself like someone because he’s already for somebody else. I’m inclined not to let any guy in my heart anymore because I don’t want to be the one left or rejected. Is it so bad that I want someone to chase -me- now? I’m really tired of just having my heart thrown around, even if it is all unintentional on the part of the guy. I don’t want to wait for someone who isn’t going to come.

    6. I used to feel invisible to guys, especially since I was more shy and introverted before I went to college. Now I don’t have that problem anymore, I feel like most of the guys I make friends with now, in one way or another, want to go out with me, lol. I still haven’t had a boyfriend yet, but I don’t need to rush. I do feel for those who are having this trouble though. Just remember that you are awesome, with or without a partner. 🙂

    7. I know exactly how you feel. It’s hard when all your friends are in seemingly perfect romances and you aren’t. And as for the saying that you can’t be happy paired until you’re happy single, it’s not true in my opinion. But, in the meanwhile, while you’re single, enjoy it! Take yourself out to the movies or out for a treat, focus on your hobbies, and hang out with your family. If you hate wearing makeup or something like that, skip it. There’s lots of cool stuff you can do while you’re single, and guys DO notice you. You’d rather have a boy get close to you by becoming your friend and then court you than date some guy who only likes you for your body. Good luck, and remember, God has great plans for you!

    8. If your shy, maybe that’s why, i know that everyone’s being like, “love yourself” and “its okay to be single” but you just want to feel like there isn’t something wrong with you, because guys have crushes or are asking out (what seems like) every girl but you, but honestly, guys like girls who are fun to be around and maybe a guy does like you but just hasn’t said anything, because unlike girls, most guys don’t talk too much about their crushes

    9. This is great and totally true! I remember one of my friends once told me, “You can’t be secure in another man’s love until you’re secure in God’s love.” If we remember that and continue to grow secure in God’s love, He is preparing us for what He has in store:)

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