Ask Aysha: “Help! My Friends Keep Pressuring Me to Ask a Guy Out!”

    I like this boy and I think he likes me. We haven’t talked about being in a relationship or anything, but we do spend a lot of time together. The problem is that my friends keep bugging me about asking him out even though I don’t feel comfortable doing that right now. They even make dirty jokes sometimes! What should I do to get my friends to stop pressuring me?

    I’d like to commend you for deciding to take things slow with the boy you like. Relationships, whether they’re friendships or romantic, can be pretty tricky sometimes. Although I’m a firm believer that two people in a romantic relationship (especially marriage) should also be best friends, moving from a friendship to a relationship isn’t an action that should be taken lightly.

    If telling your friend you like him isn’t something you’re ready to do, your friends should respect your decision and not pressure you to move too quickly. Here are a few tips that might help.

    • Remind your friends that you consult God about decisions. Tell your friends that you’ve decided to let God guide every decision in your life. Let them know that you’re not going to be rushed into doing anything because your choices are based on what God says.
    • Ask God for guidance. Since you’re allowing God to guide you in all areas of your life, then it makes sense to pray about it. Ask God to give you guidance about how to handle your friends. Also, when you’re feeling pressured, ask The Holy Spirit to give you the words to effectively respond to them. Jesus told His disciples in Luke 12:12, The Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say,” and the Holy Spirit will do the same for you in tough situations.
    • Be open with your friends. Let your friends know that their pressure makes you feel uncomfortable and even dishonored. Remind them that, as your friends, they should respect you and honor your decision to not ask this guy out.
    • Reconsider who’s in your friendship circle. If your friends continue to harass you, especially if they’re making dirty jokes, you may want to reconsider whether or not they should be a part of your inner circle. TRUE friends always choose to edify and uplift one another. If someone is trying to pull you down, then maybe you should spend some time away from her for awhile as you reevaluate whether or not you want to maintain the friendship.
    • Don’t succumb to the peer pressure. If you feel like you’re going to make an improper decision to get your friends off of your back, put some space between you and your friends until you’re strong enough to resist it. The enemy will try to use anyone to get you to do things that may not be in your best interest at the time, and when that temptation occurs, the Bible says to flee from it. If your friends are your tempters, then spend some time by yourself or with others who aren’t pressuring you.
    • Remember–if the relationship is meant to be, then it will happen! Don’t forget: If this is the guy that God has for you, then the relationship will absolutely blossom in time. Allow God to guide you and nurture your relationship, NOT your friends! Your friends may mean well, but be sure that your decisions have GOD’s stamp of approval!

    What do you girls think? Do you have any other advice?

    More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

    Ask Aysha: How Do You Know If the Love Will Last?”
    Ask Aysha: “Is He Busy? Or Is He Just Not Interested?”
    Ask Aysha: “I’m 17 and Don’t Want to Date! Is That Weird?”

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. I agree with Eurydice. People make mistakes all the time, and not going after this guy could be one. Even if it’s meant to be, if no one makes the first move it’s not gonna happen.

    2. This is the story of my LIFE right now! Whoever asked this, I need to find out who you are so I can give you a hug, because it’s so dang hard when your friends are doing that, especially with the dirty jokes stuff, because not only do you feel uncomfortable saying no, but now you have to deal with the… nastiness. Girl, whoever you are, you are SO not alone! You and I aren’t just in the same boat, we OWN the stinking boat. it’s even got our names on it. D: Stay strong and carry on girl! ♥♥ (btw aysha, thank you SO much for posting this! this was exactly what I needed to hear!)

    3. So true, love this article. My friends have been doing the exact same thing with a boy that I like, but after I kept asking God to guide me, I realized he was telling me not to date this boy. Shortly after that, I realized the guy isn’t a Christian like I thought he was. God saved me from experiencing a lot of heartache later down the road by telling me not to date him now. God’s guidance is supreme! He knows what He’s doing, all the time, regardless of whether or not WE understand why He does certain things or allows something to happen. And that applies not just to dating and relationships, but ALL aspects of life. No matter how you feel, loved or unloved by those around you, supported or unsupported by your friends or maybe even your family, God will ALWAYS do the best thing for you.
      Romans 8:28 says:
      “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
      Stay strong, girls! <3

      • Wow, thank you for sharing this. I have liked a young man for about two years now and I asked God many times what I should do and how He feels about it. God has not given me a ‘yes or no’ answer, but said that I should “be patient” and trust Him. There is a group of other guys that are pursuing me now and God might be testing me to see if I stand strong. I absolutely am and I told them that “I don’t date.” because I only court. I know God has a plan and I should neither rush it, nor write it!

    4. If you want to know more about the subject, I totally recommend the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris! I think I found out about it on this site, and it’s just so great for understanding dating and relationships in a Christian viewpoint.

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