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Love

Ask Aysha: “How Can I Get My Boyfriend to Stop Being So Mean to Me?”

My boyfriend has been really mean to me lately and sometimes he’s even a bit rough with me. He pushes me from time to time and sometimes I even end up a little bruised. I know that he loves me, but how can I get him to stop being so mean to me?

What you’re describing is abuse and it absolutely should NOT be tolerated in any way. You’re not a punching bag, nor do you deserve to be mistreated or talked down to in any way. Love does NOT hurt.

Christian dating or courting should be about finding a lifetime mate. Christians shouldn’t date the way the world dates, but should instead be dating with a purpose in mind. So when you’re in a romantic relationship with someone, ask yourself this question:

Is this someone who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with?

If the answer is no, then you should move on. If the answer is yes, then you should make sure God has given His stamp of approval on the relationship before moving forward. One way to help determine if the person you’re dating is a good fit for you, in addition to praying about it, is to determine if he’s consistently demonstrating Godly behavior. Seek out what the Bible has to say about husbands and then determine if this guy is a person who is worthy of you.

God says this to husbands:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body (Ephesians 5:25-30).

Christ is the epitome of love! He was so concerned about mankind that He sacrificed His own life for the wellbeing of the Church. He exchanged His life for our lives. God would never demean you or physically hurt you–that kind of behavior comes from the enemy. So a person who is mistreating you emotionally and/or physically is NOT demonstrating agape love.

I understand that you love your boyfriend and breaking up with him may be quite difficult. However, you should never allow yourself to be in a position where you’re being harmed! God loves you and He wants the best for you. Allowing people to mistreat you is NOT God’s desire for your life. Please get help to get out of this unhealthy relationship!

Please know that I’m praying for your strength and healing, and so is all of Project Inspired. Also know that if you ask The Holy Spirit to help you, then He’ll comfort you and give you the strength that you need to heal from this relationship.

In addition, here are some other articles that might help:

Love Doesn’t Hurt: Abuse Is NOT Okay
Will You Know Abusive Behavior When You See It?
Healing From Abuse

Do you girls have any other encouraging words to add?

Image: Thinkstock | istockphoto

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8 Comments

  1. Lizi94

    Posted by Lizi94 on September 21, 2014 at 16:45

    hey…so this popped up on my facebook page and i am not sure if it was God trying to get me to see this or just a coincidence…but i never dealt with the physical abuse in my relationship…my ex-boyfriend is a christian and he loves god with all his heart. but things between us got really weird because when we went into the relationship we both decided we wanted to keep the physical and sexual temptation out of our relationship. we wanted to keep it pure. BUT when he learned my testimony about how i have a past with abuse he began to push the line…he would tell me that we are replacing the “bad with the good” and he just wanted to show me how it feels to be loved by someone who actually cares about me…his words have stuck with me and i am very embarrassed about some of the things that we did..i don’t know how to feel about it…my heart hurts when i think about it…can someone please help me.

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by nolasleuth on May 8, 2013 at 16:47

    TELL YOUR FAMILY QUICKLY !!!
    BE WISE,,, tell the police!
    He will do i to all girls.
    Where I live we have a girl who moved here from California to start a new life and career. In California she dated a “bad boy type” and loved him. But it became abusive and unrelenting.
    So finally trying to escape she moved her trying to escape 2000 miles away. To her surprise after a while he followed her here and kept pursuing her, knowing she was timid and tolerated his abuse under her banner of love.
    She thought again she could make it work!
    Friends instantly saw his abusive mean bullying control attitude and poor treatment to her.
    NOW she has disappeared! Thousands of people in the community have been searching for her for months.
    Not one sign of her, or her car or her boyfriend.
    Vanished gone and disappeared, not a trace!
    Girls, wise up, women disappear by the thousands who think they can fix a boy friends bad behavior.
    If you don’t get help soon you could disappear, or maybe just get abused, beat up or molested with severe cruel and horrible results!
    Please get help, get him put in jail soon, now today!
    Get a restraining order! now, today.
    He is not right, normal or morally good, his conduct expresses
    hate, anger, and rage waiting to pounce!
    Tell your family,,, NOW!

    Have a talk with your pastor, be fully clear of what love is.
    SEEK FOR GODS EVIDENCE.
    Love is patient.
    Love is kind.
    Love is gentle.
    Love is long suffering.
    Love is not evil.
    Love is not controlling.
    Love is not mean or bullies others.
    Love seeks truth.

    God Bless you with much wisdom!

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by hfryman17 on May 2, 2013 at 14:48

    I think you should spend the rest of your life with a guy who loves you for you, treats you with respect and treats you like God’s Princess. (and these standards are God’s standards!) Don’t lower yours just because the guy has nice hair or is popular! He isn’t worth your tears…wait for the guy that wipes them away and holds you in his arms. <3 they are worth waiting for!!!:) Jeremiah 29:11 <3

  4. sisterwhocares

    Posted by sisterwhocares on April 27, 2013 at 15:16

    I recommend getting law enforcement involved it he is abusing you. Guys who beat on their girlfriends like that are jerks; they don’t love you, they just want to control you. I will be praying that the breakup will end cleanly, and that any scars he has left you with will heal 🙂 It’s definitely not easy, but I admire your courage in your willingness to admit that their is a problem. Many women go through an abusive relationship that destroys them without ever admitting that there is a problem. That’s proof that God is in you and giving you wisdom.

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by Skipp20 on April 25, 2013 at 18:27

    I was in the exact same situation as you when I was a senior in high school. I had absolutely no idea what I should do! Plus I was terrified…if my boyfriend was flying off the handle over little things, I was so scared about how he would react if I tried to break up with him!

    Honestly, I don’t think there’s any way you can get him to stop being mean to you 🙁 If he’s being like this while you guys are just dating, it’s not going to get any better. It might be hard to admit this to yourself at the moment, but there’s no way this guy truly loves you if he is abusive towards you. I know it was tough ending my relationship, but after a while I realized how bad things truly were and how blessed I was to be free of that abuse!

    It might be hard to deal with this situation on your own! I had to talk to my family first because I was too scared to confront my boyfriend. But with their support, I was able to. It was hard, because he really liked having me around to control, and he put up a fight. But my family, my friends, and even classmates I didn’t know as well stood up for me and tried to help me and keep him away from me as much as possible.

    You really need to get out of this relationship, honey. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it in the long run. The longer you stay, the more damage he’ll do to your body, your mind, and your heart. I’ll be praying for you!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Surrealist on September 21, 2014 at 19:09

      I just wanted to say that even though I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, this post was beautifully written and full of very good advice. Just thought you might like to know that 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by paytonforlife on April 26, 2013 at 15:25

      I can relate to Skipp20’s experience, and I agree with what she’s saying. You deserve so much better than that. You seem like a very loving person who doesn’t like conflict, and wants others to be happy, but God doesn’t want us to compromise ourself for that! No matter why your boyfriend is acting that way, it is not okay, and he won’t get the message if you keep letting it happen to try to prevent conflict. From your question, and the fact you’ve stayed in the relationship with him even after he has hurt you like that, shows that you care about him. But God wants us to care about us, too! You are a precious, beautiful, loving, special, unique jewel, and you are a daughter of the most high king! Don’t settle and let yourself be treated like any less than you are. <3 I encourage you to pray about if this relationship is something that would be a good thing in the long run, and to seek counsel from a couple people you trust that share your faith. I don't know all the details of your situation, but just because it isn't SUPER bad right now, doesn't mean it's okay, or that it won't get worse. From my experience, I wish I would have gotten out of the unhealthy relationship sooner, because I lost focus on who I was and the life God wants for me. You are a treasure, lovely, and if this boy isn't the kind of person and isn't behaving like someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. :/ God bless you, and may you always remember how much you are loved. <3

  6. Kyla

    Posted by Kyla on April 25, 2013 at 16:43

    I’ll be praying for you too sweetie! You deserve so much better!