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    Ask Aysha: “How Do I Stop Thinking About My Crush?”

    All I think about these days is my crush and I’m having a hard time focusing on anything else! What should I do when boys become a distraction?

    It’s absolutely okay to be attracted to boys. God created males and females to be attracted to each other, so it’s natural for you to notice guys. However, when your crush starts to be the center of your world, it could become problematic. Here are a few tips to help:

    • Remember who you are and to whom you belong. God should always be first in your life. If you see you’re so focused on getting the attention of boys that you begin to take time away from God, then it’s probably time to reevaluate your priorities.
    • Consider if your crush has become your idol. An idol is anything or anyone that you put before God. If you’re spending more time daydreaming about your crush than you are in fellowship with God, then God is probably quite displeased. Exodus 20:4 says, “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea.” If you find yourself neglecting prayer, Bible study, or fellowship with God because you want to hang out with your crush, then you’re probably idolizing him.
    • Schedule time with God. Choose to meet God every day. Just like you put school, homework time and time with friends into your schedule, put Bible study and prayer into your schedule, too. I prefer to pray in the morning because then I can hear from God better throughout the entire day. Put time with God into your schedule at a time that is right for you so you’ll be consistent. You’ll find that the more you commune with God, the more easily you’ll be able to avoid distractions.
    • Limit time with boys. Remember, it’s okay to be attracted to boys and enjoy their company, but if they’ve become a distraction, you may want to decide to limit how much time you spend with them. Choose to spend time with guys only on Friday or Saturday nights, for example. Then spend the rest of your free time with family and female friends. You might even decide to find some new activities to occupy your time and attention. Keep doing this until you’re more focused again.
    • PRAY. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for you to pray when you’re faced with temptations or distractions of any kind. Ask God to strengthen you so you can balance your priorities.

    These are just a few tips to help when boys have too much of your attention. Do you girls have any more ideas?

    More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

    Ask Aysha: “When It Comes to Kissing, How Far Is Too Far?”
    Ask Aysha: “What Should I Do If My Parents or Friends Don’t Believe in God?”
    Ask Aysha: “I Told My Crush I Like Him and Now It’s Awkward. What Should I Do?”

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.

    31 COMMENTS

    1. Definatley something that is really hard. I recently gave a boy I like a note explaining I only want to be friends. The next day after giving it to him, he completely ignores me & starts hanging around another girl. It makes me feel less than & I felt bad for giving him the note in the first place. But if a guy is going to treat you like your just his ego booster to make him feel like a bigger person, let him go even if it hurts. I pretty much had a huge crush on him, But if the guy doesn’t like you for you, you should say Goodbye.

    2. Idk about limiting time with boys, unless it’s not customary for you to be spending time with them. I’ve always gotten along better with guys, so if I were still in a lot of good, solid relationships, I’d prolly find myself spending a lot of time with guys. It doesn’t much affect how much I think of my crushes if I’m with the guys, unless he’s in the group.

    3. I struggle with this a lot, and whenever I find myself thinking about a guy I say Bible verses over and over in my head to recenter my focus on God. I also sing lyrics to songs like “Forever Reign” (My heart will sing no other name, Jesus), out loud or in my head. It really helps!

    4. This is excellent advice. Awhile ago, my love life went along these lines– Things would usually go great for awhile, when I wasn’t too obsessed with the guy. But when I started to think about him all the time, then without fail, every time, the guy would lose interest in me. Not because of anything I did, just, randomly. This happened several times, where I just got randomly ignored suddenly.
      I kinda think that’s like God’s way of saying, ”This person/thing is taking My place in your life, so it doesn’t need to be there.”
      If God isn’t the center of your life, then nothing else works. But when you put Him first, everything else falls into place where it’s supposed to be.

      • So true! I have found that if all your hope and love and value is centered on Who Jesus is and how You can better know Him, you will be satisfied regardless of how much attention you’re getting from guys.

    5. I recently was feeling this way. whenever a thoguht of him would come into my mind I would feel anxious and strange. I would literlly compared everything I did to him, especially when I was trying to sleep or alone, becuase I had the most time to think. What I did to overcome my invasive feelings was:
      1. Whenever I thought of him, pray instead.
      2. Give myslef time to think about him, but whenver I thoguht about him extra, see above:)
      3. Think about why I was thinking about him so smuch and try to get to the bottom of my feelings/thoguhts.

      I am doing a lot better now, and I guess it sounds weird to struggle with something like this, but I’m glad to see I’m not alone!

    6. i totally agree that the last three points absolutely work! i vouch for that with my experience. i have had a massive, massive crush on a guy through all of middle school, and i did those things to try and shift my focus. I prayed a lot, read the bible a lot, and stayed away from him almost all the time. it was slow progress and it took over 2 years but it really worked! Prayer is powerful!

    7. I think about my crush all of the time. It’s ridiculous. The last time I saw him in person was a couple weeks ago, but the last time I actually talked to him was at least 6 months ago! I just cannot make myself forget about him. I get mad at myself because I just need to move on with my life but I can’t. Any advice?

    8. I have recently is seen this video about dating. It was about wanting to be out of the friend zone. The guy making the video made a valid point. Our future husband is supposed to be our best friend, so why we work so hard to get out of the “friend zone”? Being someone’s best friends requires you actually talk to each other and you should at least not freak out whenever you walk up to him Something else is that you need to know things about each other,just like you know things about. So starting now, i am gonna start talking to my crush because i probally should try to start just a friendship! 🙂

    9. I’m having a bit of the same scenario. I have to admit it is tough to get them off of my mind. What I do, is I pray, listen to my favorite music (country), and talk to myself to work things out. I even chat with my mom or my closest friends. I have the kind of friends that give me advice all the time. I think you should try some of these tips. They are soooo helpful. Trust me:)

    10. What I do when I constantly think about a crush I know doesn’t like me back is stop and tell myself “I’m in a relationship with Jesus; He’s all I really need, and He’s way cooler than any guy out there!”

    11. There’s this guy named jesse!!!He moved here like 6 yrs ago! We never did talk we only talked when I was over at his house when he first moved here!!! And u know how long that was!!! I’ve had a crush on him since 1 yr ago!!! Funny thing is I don’t think he notices me!! I am friends with his sis and I asked her who he has a crush on she said so and so and I’m like WOW a lot of people have a crunsh on her!!! Their is NO guy who I like or is a tiny bit interested in that has a crush on me!!!! Any help!????

      • That’s always hard. It’s difficult when you like a guy who doesn’t feel even remotely the same way that you feel about him. The best thing to do is explore and pray. Pray for God to bring the right person into your life. I know its hard to wait, but we have to have faith in God. He already knows who are future relationships will be with. He knows who our future husband is. A good idea is to start as friends. It’s a comfortable place to start without all the drama of dating.That’s how you learn about the person without being in an actual relationship. Start up a conversation with a guy you sit by in math. Get to know his personality. Find common ground in morals and values. And always remember, God is looking out for you. Even though there isn’t a special guy in your life right now, doesn’t mean there won’t be one later. Talk to God about how your feeling and take comfort that he is in control. 🙂

    12. I used to think about my crushes CONSTANTLY, but with this guy, it’s different, I never find myself obsessing, I try things that I never would’ve before because I know he loves it, it’s so different and so.. oh i don’t know.. comforting. I can’t help but smile whenever I see his face but that’s a good thing.. right? 🙂 Even when I see things about him that I don’t necessarily like it doesn’t change how I feel nor do I want to change who he is.

    13. God helped me a few days ago. I’ve been falling all over this guy for awhile now, and he hasn’t shown any interest. I would take little things like an “excuse me” and make it huge. Well I had been doing all of the above. Then I got a message from God. He talks to me through visions. I saw us standing together, then me running away. And he let me run. That was Gods way of saying “you’re wasting you time.” But it was really hard. Then this other guy came along. He was in my geometry class, but I never payed attention, mostly from daydreaming about the other guy. Then I saw him at church. I got to know him better, and felt so much better. He is such a man of God, and whenever I think of him, it turns to praying. And unlike the first guy, he actually shows interest. God will always show you the way, even if he has to dump it on your doorstep!

      • Something like that happened to me. This one guy seemed to be interested in me. He was the first guy in a long time who seemed to blush when I talked to him and flirt a little. So I fell head over heels for him. After that day he didn’t really seem that interested in me but I already had like a mad crush on him. I thought about him all the time. When I say all the time I mean all the time. I would say. “Aww. That dog has color over one eye that is so cute. It’s like he is wearing glasses. ______ wears glasses and always looks so cute.” *sigh*

        I finally realized I was being ridiculous. He wasn’t that amazing and on top of that he just wasn’t interested. He never spoke to me anymore. When he was he was always very short and terse. I would try and start a conversation but he would just avoid conversion. I realized I didn’t really like him when I saw his instagram page. He wasn’t anything like I thought he was. The person I liked lived inside my brain and only looked like______. I was afraid when I saw him again I would just throw open my arms and go all Whitney Houston ( *singing*AND IIIIII WIIIIILLLLL ALLLLWAYYYYS LOOVE YOOUUU!) but when I saw him I knew it was really over. Besides I heard from one of my guy friends who is friends with him that he liked someone else and it didn’t really bother me…that much. I realize I was putting _____ before me and worse yet before God. Now I have more time to focus on what I need and my relationship with God rather than obsessing over some fantasy.

        • Also it wasn’t very good for my self-esteem. He didn’t like me, he wouldn’t talk to me. There had to be something wrong with me. It didn’t matter that I had tons of friends, girls and guys. It didn’t matter That I was told on a regular basis that I was beautiful or that I was nice and kind. When I was around him and he didn’t talk to me something just had to be wrong with me. My teeth were too crooked, I was too fat, I was too short, my face looked ugly, maybe I smelled bad? It never even occurred to me that he could be the one at a loss.

          Maybe If I get to know him and we actually become friends something could blossom or rekindle but until then I think I’ll work on strengthening my relationship with God. Maybe God had him not like me for a reason. If I was reacting like that when all he said to me was hi. Imagine how I would be if he liked me back. maybe I need to mature before I get involved with boys as more then friends. ( sorry it’s so long)

    14. I tend to attract the weirdos. There was one kid in one of my classes who likes me and poked my arm the ENTIRE class. But I think he somewhat realized that I don’t like him so he has left me alone. The way I handle a crush and not thinking about them is when I think of him I think of if he fits the list of things I want in a husband. Is he a Christian, pro-life, funny, kind, loving, not to flirty, etc. I don’t want a player because who knows who else like them. If it is God’s plan for me that I do marry someone who doesn’t meet my standards He will make a way but until that point that is what I want. But if he doesn’t fit my standards I pray and usually I don’t feel to much attraction afterward. I have one guy right now that I am starting to get a crush on and he fits all my standards. But I have decided that until God tells me something to just be friends.

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

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