Ask Aysha: “I’m 17 and Don’t Want to Date! Is That Weird?”

    I’m 17 years old BUT I’m not interested in dating yet. I think guys are attractive, but I’m not interested in getting involved in relationships. I just want to focus on God. Is that weird?

    Choosing to abstain from dating until you’re ready isn’t weird AT ALL. Actually, it’s quite wise. Although dating can be a wonderful experience with the right person, it can also lead to a lot of unnecessary heartbreak if you become involved with the wrong person. I commend you for waiting until God sends the right person into your life before you enter into a relationship!

    Here are a few things to ponder during this season in your life:

    • Not everyone gets married. Matthew 19:10-12 says this:

    Jesus’ disciples then said to Him, ‘If this is the case, it is better not to marry!’ ‘Not everyone can accept this statement,’ Jesus said. ‘Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.’

    You may decide that you don’t want to get married, and that’s okay! You can still have guy friends, but perhaps you’re called to remain single and not to date or court. Keep in mind that few people achieve this, so it’s okay if you decide later in life that you DO want to be married. However, there’s nothing wrong if you decide to just have guy friends for now.

    • Focus on God. Without the distraction of relationships, you can spend more time hearing from God. It’s much easier to stay focused when you don’t have a boyfriend competing for your attention.
    • Develop your gifts and abilities. This is a great time to focus on developing your natural abilities and God-given gifts. Whether you choose not to date right now or you’re currently not dating for whatever reason, spend some time working on YOU. Use your time to groom the gifts God has given you so He can begin to use you more!
    • Remember that you’re unique. God made everyone different and that adds to what makes you specical. Your strengths may be someone else’s weaknesses and vice-versa. So be sure to use positive self talk when you begin to think that something might be “wrong” with you. Embrace the fact that right now you’re focusing more on God and less on relationships. If and when the time comes for you to be in a relationship, then God will communicate that to you! Meanwhile, embrace your relationship with GOD!

    We all have our individual races to run in this physical realm, and God will equip you and strengthen you in whatever way you need. Remain faithful and allow Him to use you however He sees fit. If a relationship is what He has in store for you, it’ll happen. And if not, He’ll give you the desire to remain single. Either way, you’re God’s daughter and He loves you!

    Girls, what do you think? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

    More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

    Ask Aysha: “How Do I Stop Thinking About My Crush?”
    Ask Aysha: “When It Comes to Kissing, How Far Is Too Far?”
    Ask Aysha: “What Should I Do If My Parents or Friends Don’t Believe in God?”

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. This is so great. I’m 15, and while I know my parents wouldn’t allow me to date anyway, I still have no desire to. I mean, c’mon, I’ve got at least 5 years before I want to get married – why start worrying about finding “the one” now, when I could be doing other stuff that is way more important? (growing closer to Jesus, schoolwork/grades, developing meaningful friendships, ect.) 🙂

    2. This describes me to a T. I’m going to be 18 this year and I dont feel like dating. Sure I have a desire to, but I just dont feel I should. I’m (mostly) content. I have asked the question “What is wrong with me?” when a guy I’m attracted to starts dating another girl. It can be tough, but I know that I need to wait for God to lead me to the perfect guy.

      • Agreed! I’m also gonna be 18 this year, and am now almost content to be single for a while, as God gets me and my husband ready to meet each other. 🙂 It’s still a wonderful dream, and I cannot wait to see what He’s got in mind.

    3. I am 17 and I am kind of afraid of the idea of dating. I find guys attractive and I think about the qualities in them that I like, but I am definitely not ready for a romantic relationship, praise God! I’ve seen a lot of girls who chose to date at a much younger age than I’m at, and it was not a good or faith building experience for them. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever feel ready to date or get married, but I don’t doubt that God has the perfect plan for me. He is so good!

    4. I’m like your age, and it can be cool to be different and stand out a little bit. I actually wouldn’t really mind being single for the rest of my life because who knows what the future will hold.

    5. I use to date while I was younger, and I seen it around me a lot so I was introduced to dating pretty early. I admit giving a bit of my heart to every single guy I have dated, but ever since God had met me in a point in my life when I was 15, just right after a hard break-up, I had decided to stop dating and wait for the man of God that God has planned to bring me if it was part of his will and plan for me. Then, till I finally turned 16 this year, I still continue to be attracted to guys but I’m just not ready to give my heart out to someone I know can hold it so carefully like my God does. My youth leader also suggests that I should date when I can provide for my relationship then at this time where I have school, family, and growing friendships and trusting God.

      • Girl i was just like that when i was younger!! I was always, dating, and hooking up with guys for the fun of it. Most of the time i didnt realy like them, they were just cute n they wanted to go out with me so i said yes. But eventually GOD spoke to me and since the beg. of my high school year i hav not dated. I am focusin on GOD and everythin he has for me. Guys r the last thing on my mind n all my friends know it. It’s okay to be attracted to the opposite sex, we r humans n they r cute. lol. But overall be careful who u fall for it is better to just wait on GOD and pray about it.

        • ^Wow thanks for encouragement, nice to see someone I can relate! Amen girl! @JazyJazz14!!

    6. This is so reassuring! I’m 17 and feel the same way. I like guys, but I don’t want to date. It’s not like I’m going to get married in high school (that would be crazy), so why even try? I feel as though God may have marriage in my future, but I know I’m already learning enough about relationships as it is through my family, youth group, and high school. And I can serve Him and honor Him each day with the tasks He’s given me. Still, though, sometimes I can get anxious about it, worrying that I’m not worthy of a guy, or that I’m missing out. But I know that’s not true–my identity is not in how others see me, but who I am in Christ. I’m excited for what He has in store, and I’m trusting that He’ll show me when the time is right!

    7. That is awesome! I dated a lot in high school and it led to heart break after heart. The end of my senior year, I had the worst breakup. Since I was going to college, I decided to stop dating and just be friends with guys. I was going to let God show me the right person. And after almost a year, God did. Waiting for God’s timing is always a good thing.

    8. I’ve been dating for some time now. After one particular bad break-up, I told myself that I’d just wait until God sent me the perfect guy. About 5 months later, I was at a football game and saw a friend of mine whom I’d met in middle school (I was in 7th grade and he was in 8th when we met through band), so I decided to go talk to him and go catch up. Our conversation then went on throughout the entire football game! At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes, but I felt different about him than before. Some time after that, after we spent more time toghether and getting to know each other, he asked me out. I thought about it and said yes. Then I introduced him to my parents. They loved him from the beginning and even my grandmother does! He’s been attending our church, at first because he wanted to see me more, but then just because he wanted to learn more about God! Even if for some reason we were out of town or just couldnt make it, he would still attend. He is now planning to get baptized later this month!

    9. I love this article! Usually I don’t read the Ask Aysha, because it doesn’t pertain to me! But, when I saw the title for this article, I was like I want to read this! I did, and this article encourage me not to worry about relationships and such, because I need to focus on God, and what He has in store for me! I may not get into a relationship until I’m in college or older, but that’s okay with me! Right now, it is the time for me to find myself in God and discover who I am, and what I’m going to be in this world! 🙂

    10. Hey guys 🙂 this was my question, and I’m really encouraged by your positive responses toward my question. I think it’s important to focus on my life loving and obeying God rather than on boyfriends cuz I’m not ready to marry now anyone anyway! So why awaken emotions I’m not ready to nurture? I love you guys!

    11. I believe God will show us all (male and female) the right match when the time is right. I’m 16, and I don’t feel the need for a boyfriend and dating. I sometimes feel like I want to have a relationship with somebody, but then again…………I don’t want to until God wants me to.

    12. I won’t be able to date in high school unless my parents know for sure the that the guy is 100% Christaina nd treats me with respect. I don’t even think I want to date anyway.

    13. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date!!! There’s never anything wrong with wanting to focus on God!!! Also, if you do ever get to a point where you want to get to know some guys, but still don’t want to date, you should research courting. Some books I would suggest are “The Courtship of Sarah McClain” and “Waiting for Her Isaac” to start. I’m getting ready to turn 17 and have decided to go this route. My sister is 19 and went through a great courtship with my now future brother-in-law…God has truly blessed our family with choosing courtship over dating. If you have any questions do feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer.
      Hope this helps!!!

    14. Yay, I’m not alone!!!! Sometimes I feel a bit weirded out, too, cuz a lot of my friends are pretty boy-crazy and I hate boys. It’s so encouraging to run into sisters in Christ who aren’t interested in boys either.

    15. It’s post is so me! I’m 16 and although I do find guys attractive, I’m not ready for a relationship. I’ve decided that if I never marry, I’m okay with that, and I’m glad I’m not alone!

    16. I love this, I’m 16 and I’m not going to date-at all. Dating is a worldly thing, but I would court someone if God told me to. While I am human and attracted to guys, I’ve been trying to not pay attention to looks as much as I used to. And I just want to be friends with guys, but sometimes it’s kind of hard for me to communicate well with them. I’d be fine with it if God wanted me to stay single forever, and just stand out. Almost ALL of my friends are fine with dating and have dated or are dating, and I’m just like I’ve never had a boyfriend and I don’t believe in dating, and they think I’m an oddball lol.

      • @Beegirl4him
        I believe that’s awesome that you have accepted to be single forever because it mentions that in the bible. Truthfully, no human relationship can fulfill our heart like God can. If it helps read “I kissed dating goodbye” by Joshua Harris, talks about how to serve with our brothers in Christ, and look at them the way God does. It helps out a lot! Even mentions how singleness is a gift from God! Express it all the way girl!

    17. I’ll be 20 soon and I still don’t date. I’m just not interested at all. I never have been. I can’t think of but one guy I’ve ever even though about dating\courtship. The even that was more of a fleeting thought . Is it weird to not be attracted to anyone? I mean I don’t think it is at 17 or 18 but at my age half my friends even my Christian friend are married or engaged and most of the other half are in a serious relationship.

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