Ask Aysha: “I’m Nervous Around the Guy I Like! What Should I Do?”

    I really like this guy, but I’m so nervous about talking to him that I hardly know what to do! Is there anything I can do to stop being so nervous around guys?

    Getting up the nerve to talk to a guy when you really like him can be pretty nerve-wracking. You wonder what to say and you aren’t sure how to act. On top of all that, what if he doesn’t like you back? With all of this pressure, it’s not surprising that you’re struggling. But talking to guys doesn’t have to be so hard–here are some tips to help you out!

    • Remember who you are. You’re God’s girl. This can’t be emphasized enough! Once you get a full understanding of how important you are to God, it won’t matter so much what other people say and think about you. It’s important to remember that even if things don’t work out between you and this guy, it doesn’t change how GREAT you are! So go ahead and strike up a conversation with him knowing that you “are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). God tells us not to fear hundreds of times in the Bible, so don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from stepping out and showing others how awesome you are!
    • Focus on your strengths. Whenever you find yourself getting fearful about talking to your crush, remind yourself of all of your talents. Think about all the good characteristics you possess. Try using positive self talk to give yourself a quick pep talk when you’re about to initiate a conversation with this guy. When you remind yourself of your own greatness, it won’t be as hard to strike up a conversation.
    • Start small. If you’re really on the shy side, then starting small may be best. Start with a simple “hello” or ask a question about a class assignment, Bible study lesson, directions, etc. until you feel more at ease talking to him. Soon you’ll realize that guys are human with strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else, and talking to him won’t be as intimidating.
    • Keep in mind that guys get nervous, too. This may be surprising, but guys are just as nervous around girls as you are around them. Some guys say they’re MORE nervous than girls might realize. Guys try not to show how nervous they are in front of you, and if you keep this in mind, striking up a conversation won’t be so daunting.
    • Practice talking to other guys. If talking to a guy you like seems unfathomable right now, then try practicing with guys you don’t like romantically. Make it a goal to talk to a different guy every day so that you can improve your conversational skills. Eventually, talking to boys will become second nature and you’ll be talking to the guy you like in no time. Watch out for a lot of flirting, though, because you don’t want someone to start having romantic feelings for you when you’re attracted to another guy.
    • Continue to let your light shine and you’ll attract the right attention. As a child of God, pleasing God should always be your primary focus. Continue to demonstrate the love of Jesus to everyone you meet and people will always want to be in your presence. Even if things don’t work out with this guy, God will send the guy He has for you when the time is right.

    Do you girls have anything other tips to add?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. I think you have some good points. However, I disagree with the “focus on your strengths” point. “When you remind yourself of your own greatness…” → I’m not great and have no reason to be proud of myself.
      I think the most important thing to remember is that we’re all human. I’m human, he’s human. Neither one is greater than the other.

    2. Don’t make it a focus point to get him to like you. I have a friend who is nice to guys but doesn’t even know or care how much they like her! It’s how she’s clueless that makes them like her. She also focuses her life on family, friends, and, most importantly, God.

    3. THANKS!!!!!!!! This is like EXACTLY what I need! I’ve liked this guy at my youth group off and on for two years and still haven’t got the courage to go up and talk to him. Except that I also found out that he goes to the high school I’m going to next year so that should give me more opportunity to talk to him!

    4. i never looked at it from this perspective a whole lot i think this really hit it in hard that talking to a guy isnt just a test to how awesome your flirting skills are, it is getting to know them as a real person. The fact that a guy may not like me back is what i hate, but it is not going to make or break who i am and i will always know that God thinks that i am important wether this guy i like does or not 🙂

      • Hey Molly! I don’t know if I canbe of any help but I can try. God knows how you feel. He will always be with you. I would try talking to him in person!!! Ask God to bless the time you have with him. Let the light of Christ shine!!!! God really does care about everything so God will be with you through this. I hope this helps ill be praying for you!!!!

    5. Hey!!!! To all girls struggling with liking a guy keep in mind one thing!!! God has your life planned out. If He wills you to be with someone it will happen!!!! I never thought I would date til I’m thirty but gosh God brought me an awesome guy who loves God more than he could ever love me!!!! God has a plan!!! Keep strong girls!!!

    6. Thank you so much for this article!

      In all honesty, I truly needed this. There’s this guy I’ve liked for more than a year now; he voluntarily sits by me in class, yet I don’t have the courage to talk to him. Not even for a hello. My heart gets all fluttery, my cheeks turn a bright shade of red, and I smile like a silly little girl. I’m only fourteen, and I’m kind of a dreamer, so I don’t know what to think. I really want to get to know him better; he seems like a very polite, nice guy. But what happens if it turns out that he does like me? What do I do? Do I remain friends with him until I’m mature enough to pursue a romantic relationship with him, or what? I don’t want to talk to my mom about it; she teases me. So, as for now, I’m clueless.

      • Oh my gosh! Same! Like he is so nice and everything, but whenever he is like ten feet away, I feel like my face heats up and I’m blushing and I start feeling all self-conscious and watch him out of the corner of my eye and such!

    7. Ok, ladies… the best piece of advice I’ve ever heard in my whole guy-infested life is (this sounds cruel, but work with me here.) pick something out annoying about him. like, maybe his chin, or whatever. or the way he might always start talking by saying, “So…” (I do that!) don’t use it to try and tell yourself he’s stupid, or ugly, or irritating. use it to remind yourself that “WOAH! he’s HUMAN!” if nothing he does is annoying, imagine your brother doing that oh-so-cute thing the guy does (like wink.) imagine your brother winking, and let yourself be like, “oh, yuck.” you’ll think of him as more human and it will be easier to talk to him if you’re annoyed by that constant one thing. just don’t use it to think of him badly, girls! make sure you do it to remember that he’s a human- someone’s annoying brother. 🙂 that helps a TON. 🙂

    8. OH… and I forgot. It also helps to tell yourself, “I haven’t met that one perfect guy yet. I haven’t met him yet. He’s not here. He’s not watching… haven’t met him yet…” Because it helps to just go crazy and be yourself. IF, however, you find yourself doing something that you probably should not be doing (maybe hitting on the bad boy or even just behaving in a less-than-ladylike way), tell yourself. “Oh man! He might be watching! Maybe that’s him… oh dear!” Because of course, that’s just like Jesus… watching. With us always. 🙂

    9. Thanks that was really awesome, I have crushes and theyre alll christian, but none of them will be dating soon, cos theyre the more devoted ones. Recently the new school year started and a new guy came, and I knew him, but Im scared to talk to him, Ill try these points out, but though I have a crush on him, its more like I want to be friends with him, and like you said we should aim on trying to make good decisions, that make God happy. Afterall he is my brother in Christ so what problem do I have with speaking to him(other than going googogaga and trembling in the kness) 😉

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