Ask Aysha: “Is It Okay to Date My Best Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend?”

    My best friend and her ex-boyfriend broke up several months ago. When I asked my friend if she’d mind if I dated him, she initially said it’d be okay. Now, she’s saying that it would bother her if we started dating. But I like him a lot. What should I do? Should I date him or not?

    This is a very complex situation that could put a strain on even the strongest of friendships. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but here are a few things to consider while contemplating the best way to handle the situation:

    • Have you sought God’s guidance? As a Christian, God should be at the center of every decision you make, no matter how small or big. It’s very important that you ask The Holy Spirit to guide you in the right direction as you try to figure out the best approach to take.
    • Don’t make decisions solely based on emotions. Although emotions do serve a purpose (or else God wouldn’t have given them to us), don’t base your decision solely on emotions. Even though you like this boy a lot, make sure if you decide to date him that it’s the best decision for everyone involved.
    • Ask yourself why you want to date him. I’m a firm believer that Christians should be courting and not dating. The world dates to have fun; however, Christians should begin courting when they’re ready to build a life with their spouse. Do you want to establish a relationship with this boy because God has revealed to you that this is a relationship you should be in? Or do you want to date him because he’s kind of cute and you think it might be fun? Then ask yourself if this potential boyfriend is worth jeopardizing your relationship with your best friend.
    • Can you just be friends with him? Have you considered why you like this boy so much? Is it because he’s funny, or kind? Or maybe it’s because he’s generous or smart? Whatever the reason that you like him, could you be able to enjoy that part of him while just being friends?
    • Have you been honest with your best friend? Have you told your friend that you’re attracted to her ex-boyfriend, or have you just been asking her hypothetical questions about it? Whether or not you decide to date her ex, it’s important to talk to your friend about it first. Be honest about how you’re feeling, and let her know what your intentions are regarding the situation. Although she may not like it if you do decide to date him, she’ll respect your honesty.

    I’m not saying that you should or shouldn’t date your crush because, ultimately, only you can decide that. However, I do implore you to seek God’s voice and guidance as you make your decision so that no one gets hurt in the process. Be sure to pray about it, and however you decide to approach the situation, make sure that it’s done in love: Love for God, love for your friends and love for yourself.

    What do you girls think? Would you date your best friend’s ex if you liked him a lot?

    More Stories Like This on Project Inspired:

    Ask Aysha: “Are There Any Good Guys Left?”
    Ask Aysha: “Help! My Friends Keep Pressuring Me to Ask a Guy Out!”
    Ask Aysha: How Do You Know If the Love Will Last?”

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


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