Ask Aysha: Is It Okay to Want Guys to Like Me Even Though I Can’t Date Yet?

    Is it okay to want guys to like me, even though I can’t date yet?

    It’s natural for girls to want guys to like them. In fact, God made it that way! God created males and females to be attracted to one another so that they’ll eventually get married and build God-fearing families together.

    However, if you’re not dating, it’s not really fair to encourage guys to like you in a romantic way, because they could eventually get hurt. But it IS okay to get attention from guys in other ways–as long as the attention is healthy. Here are a few tips to help you maintain healthy relationships with guys when you’re not dating yet:

    • Develop friendships. If you’re not dating yet, then don’t focus on romantic relationships. Instead, focus on building friendships. You’ll still get to interact with guys without complicating the situation. A bonus is that building friendships with guys now will help you learn how to feel more comfortable around them, which will help you tremendously when you ARE ready to date.
    • Have fun. You don’t have to be formally dating to go on outings with guys. Grab a bunch of friends (girls and guys) and do something fun together. Spend some time getting to know some of the guys in the group. If you find one guy to be particularly interesting, then talk to him about his likes and dislikes and try to find some things you two have in common. You never know–an awesome friendship could emerge!
    • Establish boundaries: If you’re not old enough to date or if you’re simply not into a guy, never EVER lead him to believe that a relationship will happen. Be clear that you only want a friendship and feel free to enjoy one another’s company. However, if you know that a guy really likes you in a romantic way, don’t spend a ton of time with him, especially if it involves a bunch of flirting. He may end up getting hurt. Remember, the Bible says:

     “Do not deceive one another” (Leviticus 18:11).

    • Don’t lower your standards. Girls sometimes wear skimpy clothing to get boys to notice them. But remember, you’re God’s girl and you want to always glorify God in ALL that you do. Believe me, the guy that God has for you will respect and love you for you, and a Godly man wouldn’t want his future wife wearing clothes that aren’t classy.
    • Remember that God has someone special just for you. Remember, the purpose of Godly dating/courting is ultimately to find your husband. When the time is right, God will send him to you and he will lavish you with attention. Don’t spend too much time trying to get boys to like you, because the right one just will!

    I know that it’s tough trying to balance friendships and relationships with guys when you’re not dating or courting. But these tips will give you the opportunity to interact with guys in a Godly, healthy way so that no one gets hurt!

    Do you girls have any other tips?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. Thanks so much for this. I’ve struggled with wanting boy’s attention for so long. But you’re right. I don’t have to worry about relationships now because I can’t date now, so why not just be friends and have fun as friends. Thanks for all the help and encouragement.

    2. I used to be so desparate to have a boyfriend,but thanks to my youth leaders and Project Inspired,I don’t worry about it,and I wait patiently. I used to pray for my future boyfriend/husband all the time,but I haven’t been recently because I’ve forgotten about it,but I will DEFINITELY try to remember! 🙂

    3. i was never allowed to date till i turned like 22 years old. i am 17 and am dating my boyfriend of 1 yr and a month. Before it got into something i laid out some rules like i am not suppose to dating lets be friends but then we grew to like each other some more. We finnaly decided to make it official and i had to tell my mom. I told her that i know i am not suppose to be dating but i have a boyfriend told him bout him and i also told her that i am keeping the realtionship pg 13 so she has nothing to worry about. I plan to keep it that way till i get married 🙂

    4. Thanks so much for writing this! Most of my friends are always just obsessing over guys and trying to find boyfriends…it’s such a nice change to read something that isn’t pushing me to be with a guy. Being friends with them is always more fun, in my opinion 🙂

      • So true vickifay i agree it is fun to have guys as friends more then to have boyfriends i would know, i have a lot of guy friends in ny youth group they are really funny and they dont care about the dating thing that much. Like i always say,relationships dont always last long but friends stick around!:)

    5. I’ve had many crushes on guys before, but as I got older, I realized that I don’t want to date a guy if I don’t know him as a friend first. That way I can see if he’s a good friend. From my friends’ relationships, I’ve found that however a guy is as a friend, he’s not going to be any better as a boyfriend.

    6. This is just what I needed to hear. THANK YOU. I’ve struggled with wanting a guys attention for a really long time. I finally stopped when I got into high school, but this is awesome, and thanks again. 🙂

    7. Fantastic advice! Thank you very much, I have been worrying about how to be around guys without getting stiff or mean because I become weird like that. Lately I have been feeling slightly more at ease and this article helps a lot:D

    8. So true! I used to dress immodestly, and i recently figured out from my brothers that i am not dressing modest! but it was good to know that! i took out most of the clothes in my closet and bought new modest clothing(: Now i feel confident and assured that guys will respect me a little more because of it.

    9. It’s nice thinking that God has someone special picked out for me, but it’s also hard thinking I could end up being one of those girls who never ends up getting married. I know I’m only 18, but sometimes I wish God were more clear.

    10. I’ve found that if a guy is my friend by i want him to like me then its an indicator that I’m low on God’s love, and I’m trying to get it from somewhere else, which isn’t fair to God, the boy, or me. So if you start to like someone its a good idea to talk to God and have Him fill you up with His love first, and then see if you still like the guy, or still want him to be into it as much. God’s love is the ultimate love, be careful not to make any substitutes

    11. So what do you do when it’s grown to the point when you hear his friend encouraging him to ask you out? It’s only a matter of time before he does and I don’t know what to tell him.

      • I would just pay a little less attention to him(if you don’t want him back) and try to let him know by the way you treat him that you just want to be friends. Not being rude, but just easing up on how much attention you give him or how you treat him differently. If he asks you out and you don’t want to go out with him, just tell him your not dating right now and it’s nothing personal. Then just treat him the same.

      • Monitor what you have been doing (if anything) to encourage that kind of talk between him and his best bud! You could totally be in line with your goals. If he asks you out, that doesn’t necessarily mean that HE is out of line, unless he already knows your boundaries. Then, gently remind him of what he already knows, and all he will do is view you as a strong, upstanding woman. And remember dudes won’t always take a dare, or their friends’ advice, when it comes to girls. They are known to say “I can do it myself, I can get the girl,” since they’re natural fixers. Doers. Aggressors. So that being said, it’s all the more special if he acknowledges your boundaries and respects them- AND COMES BACK for your precious soul later, when he knows it is safe. Then YOU know he’s a good egg- if he waited that long for you alone, it’s likely he won’t cheat either. x

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