Ask Aysha: “All My Friends Are Dating…and I’m Not! Now What?”

    My two best friends recently starting dating and now I’m the only one in my friend circle who doesn’t have a boyfriend. In fact, I’ve never dated or kissed a boy before. Although I’m proud that I’m saving myself, I do feel a little left out sometimes. So, what should I do while I’m waiting for my love story to begin?

    It can be pretty tough when all of your friends are dating and you’re still waiting for your Prince Charming to show up. Your “Girls’ Nights” might become less frequent and it could start to get a little lonely at times. Although this isn’t an ideal situation, there are things you can do to get through this frustrating time. Here are some tips:

    • Remember who you are. Your self-worth shouldn’t be determined by who you’re dating or if you’re dating. You’re God’s girl and He’s pleased you’re choosing to wait until the time is right to begin dating.
    • Spend more time with God. God has given us the Holy Spirit to help us get through difficult times in our lives. When you’re feeling especially lonely, this would be a good time to fellowship with God. Pull out your Bible and read some passages that remind you about how special you are to God and how much He loves you. Or you could start a devotional. While you’re waiting to begin writing your own love story, spend some time learning more about God with a new Bible study.
    • Meet new people. Of course you don’t want to stop being friends with your old friends just because they’re dating and you’re not, but you do want to find some peers to hang out with who have similar interests. If your current friends are spending most of their time with their new boyfriends, then you should focus on finding new and different things to do too. Find some girls (and guys) who are into some of the same things you are and have fun with some new people. Who knows–you might find your Prince Charming (if you’re interested in dating).
    • Have STRICTLY GIRLS’ nights. Plan some girls’ nights with your friends with one rule–no guys (or talking about guys!) allowed. Spend time doing fun things, like manicures and pedicures, or watching movies. You might even want to turn it into a slumber party. However, it should be just about you girls having fun–without a bunch of conversation about boys.
    • Set new goals. Choose some things that you like to do and expand on them. Do you like to write? Well, start your own blog or get started writing that novel you always wanted to write. Are you the artsy type? Perhaps you could start working on an exhibition–you might even decide to donate or sell some pieces. Focus on setting goals that will allow you to use your God-given gifts and talents to keep you busy…and help others in the process.

    These are just a few suggestions to help you deal with being the only one of your friends who isn’t dating right now. Times like this can feel pretty lonely, but know that God will send the right guy for you during the right season of your life. Although wanting to date is quite natural, don’t forget that waiting for love is always better than moving too quickly.

    What are some other suggestions you have?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. Well,I fell into the trap of loneliness and got myself “boyfriends” and I even kissed one,but I don’t count those as real relationships because they actually weren’t. So,I’m deciding to wait until he comes to me. 😀

    2. Almost all of my friends have at least one “boyfriend”. But me and my best friend(who is pretty much the only person in the world that I know of that isn’t head over heels about boys) pretty much just hang out and have fun. All the boys I know are like brothers to me. 🙂

    3. Thank you for this letter of encouragement. I am also saving myself for my husband, and because of that, I have never kissed nor dated a boy. I do find it difficult to keep my mind focused on the things that are my main priorities when it seems like society is telling me I need to be focused on guys and relationships with them. While I do sometimes long for a guy to like me, I just try to remember that I am a princess, one who’s worth waiting for.

    4. I’m the only girl in my ENTIRE class who hasn’t dated. There are very few girls in my school that never dated. When my best friends left me because of some guy, they are never there when I need to talk to them. I’m always there helping them through their break- ups, and then they are dating again the next day.

    5. i have dated and if done properly, dating a guy with similar morals can be wonderful and you can still be “God’s girl”. Dating a guy with out proper morals, is a disaster as my best friend learned

    6. I’m not aloud to date yet my parents don’t let but i can understand why. There’s so much drama at school because of boys and break ups i don’t even want to have a boy friend! worst part is we’re only in 8th grade!

    7. I like all these suggestions. I was lucky, and most of my girlfriends weren’t boy crazy, and didn’t really talk about their boyfriends when we were doing stuff together. Just keep up hope and don’t worry. I’m courting now, and my guy found me just when I’d Stopped looking.

    8. The only time that I start to feel kinda lonely is when dances roll around. My parents said that I can have a date to the dance, but all the guys are afraid to ask because I have a reputation of playing really hard to get. (Because I do. I’m not gonna waste time and energy on a jerk. I am VERY picky. And will stand up for myself if a guy gets too close.)But pretty much all the guys in my class are GOLDEN. The sweetest and most respectful that I know! Just wish one of them would ask me for at least one dance, because I’m to old fashioned to ask them like all the other girls do. The last dance we had I kept catching one of them (that I’ve known for ten years)staring at me. I kept an eye on him and numerous times he’d appear to work up his courage. He’d take a few steps towards me and then turn around and not even look at me for about five minutes. Then it’d happen again. I’m just sitting there thinking “Come on! Just ask! I don’t bite!” I was rather blue for a few days afterwards, and when we saw each other at school that Monday there was a painfully awkward silence for a minute, but we’re good now. But part of me hopes he’ll ask me to prom. He’s a really nice guy with ROCK SOLID faith. Not bad looking either. 6’3 basketball player.;) But while I was going through all that my best friend and my twin sister were helping me out SO much. Whenever this kind of thing happens my best friend nicknames me Juliet. If it weren’t for them, my mom, and God, it would’ve gone very differently.

    9. I have a somewhat-related problem… 🙁 A non-Christian friend of mine has asked me out and I know what to say (No, because he isn’t Born again), but I don’t want to hurt him or our friendship. I don’t want to admit it, but I am attracted to him, but it’s his actions and morals that remind me that he isn’t good for me and that I don’t want to even go there.. But, if I know all of this, why am I still so confused? xx Help please? xx

      • @godgirlxx. What I would do, is that I would think about what I want in a relationship. Think about it this way, would you marry him? You may feel confused because your heart is telling you to go for it but your brain is telling you not to. That happens a lot. I’m not Aysha, but I would go to a quiet place and spend some extra time with God. Let him decide, and have faith that whether it’s through words, a thought, an event, or another person, he will answer you.

        • @Kathrie Thank you very much 🙂 I did what you suggested, and God gave me clear instructions.. to not even consider him at this moment in time and to wait patiently for the man that He has made for me 🙂 I feel so peaceful knowing what God wants me to do x Thank you very much.

    10. I am not allowed to date for another year an sometimes this can make me feel left our when I see all of the other girls who their boyfriends. Then I remember that God has someone special put aside for me 🙂

    11. I’m in a light relationship (I’m a freshman in high school). I think the most important thing is to just let a relationship happen, but not chase every boy that comes your way. You are always loved by God!

    12. All of my friends are dating or have dated i the past. Sometimes I think that I will never have a boyfriend. Then I remember God is saving someone extraordinary for you! It’s amazing to think about. Even if you don’t have a boyfriend right now, just remember sometimes love takes longer to find. I am 15 and I haven’t had one crush(except when I was really little)I think these boys are really nice I just know God has someone else for me.

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