Ask Aysha: “My Weight Limits My Relationships. What Should I Do?”

    I feel like my weight limits the things that I can do. Guys don’t think I’m as attractive and I feel left out by other girls who are way thinner than me. What should I do?

    As a woman who has always struggled with her own weight, I know how difficult this issue can be for girls. It’s a tough topic that can be quite sensitive, but let’s talk about it.

    First of all, true beauty is when you’re clothed with Godliness. Never ever forget how precious you are to God! Just because you’re not as thin as you’d like to be doesn’t mean that you’re not beautiful; it just means that you’re not as thin as you’d like to be. You’re STILL beautiful. Never forget your value!

    The next thing we should consider is this: If you’re not comfortable with your weight, then commit to making some lifestyle changes. I weighed over 300 pounds until my early/mid twenties, so I know the struggle better than many. Keep in mind that you’re not doing this for other people; you’re doing this for YOU! Take a peek at this article for tips on losing weight in a healthy way.

    Now, let’s look at some tips for dealing with relationships when you feel that your weight is limiting you:

    • Know your worth. You’re God’s daughter which means that you’re of high value. Don’t ever underestimate yourself. When you think poorly about yourself, others might use that as a vehicle to ignore you or treat you badly. However, when people see that you don’t view your weight as a limitation, then they won’t, either.
    • Focus on your strengths. The Bible says that you’re a light to the darkness, so let your light shine! Whatever you do well, spend time developing that talent. If you’re a social butterfly, then use your people skills to show the love of Christ to others. If you’re good at a specific task, then do what’s necessary to continually improve your skill. When you excel at what you do, not only will YOU feel better, but others will be curiously drawn to you. The Christ in you will draw people to you like a magnet, but don’t let your limiting thoughts about yourself interfere with the process.
    • Teach people (including yourself) how to treat you. Always present yourself as the AWESOME creation of God that you are! Dress nicely and keep yourself well groomed. This seems simple, but it does volumes for you and your relationships. First, it reminds you of your own value. Second, it reminds others of your value. People who value themselves automatically teach others to value them as well. You can start by not allowing your weight to prevent you from always looking your best!
    • Use positive self talk. Spend some time loving on yourself EVERY day. Write down positive self confessions and read them aloud each day. Or jot down positive characteristics about yourself on the bathroom mirror and read them aloud every time you look in the mirror. Soon you’ll begin to internalize the GREATNESS within you and realize that you deserve fulfilling relationships. Once you internalize this, you’ll begin to EXPECT awesome relationships and as your faith grows, God will start sending some remarkable people into your life.
    • Pray for Godly relationships. God has it all in control. He loves you very much and He created people to be social. Pray for Godly relationships and God will honor your prayer. Despite how you may feel right now, in time you’ll meet your Prince Charming, and your life will be full of amazing female friends who won’t ignore you but rather, will celebrate you!

    What do you girls think? Do you ever feel that your weight is a hindrance? What other advice would you give?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. The other day Jennifer Hudson was on Oprah and Oprah asked if Jennifer Hudson’s long time boyfriend liked her better before or after she lost all that weight and he said he liked her both ways, but Jennifer Hudson said that she knows he liked her better before she lost the weight. 🙂 I thought that was really cool and would help other girls.

    2. This is a great post. Every girl has some trepidation about her weight – some a little, some a LOT – but the feedback I have gotten from guys is that one of the most attractive qualities a girl can have is confidence. As a former anorexic, I can attest to this fact 100%. Now, two and a half years later and many clothing sizes up, I’ve finally begun to cultivate acceptance of my shape – curvy and womanly – and I think that is a big reason I have so many guy friends now. (I had exactly zero friends, period, when I was at my lowest point in the eating disorder) Be confident, girl! You are created in an incredibly beautiful way and I promise you that guys are going to recognize that!

      • That’s so encouraging, cheyartgirl16! 🙂 I really, really need to remember that! It’s hard to have confidence, but I’m praying that God will help me with it! I’ve been really trying to loose weight for awhile now (and finally i got 12 pounds gone! 😀 ) but I think God has let me have this problem with weight (before I was ultra skinny) to teach me some lessons – which I’m still learning. I need to focus on that!

    3. God will bring you the right guy it happens in Gods time and you are beautiful that way you are and like Nicole Said’s al the time you are valuable and worth it ,the right guy wouldn’t care how much you weigh your weight doesn’t make you are and we are God’s masterpiece and a guy would love you for you if he really loves you.(:

    4. I understand it’. I’m overweight my w.t. dose limit me from doing stuff like riding horses, or asument parks, or getting clothes I’m at the w.t. I want to be either I been overweight since after my eleventh birhtday’. its all over your body’. trust me I was 188-190 four years ago’. its wasn’t good for me’. want to stay under 170’s can’t seem to ugh’. stay 160’s for a while than gain it back lowest w.t. was back in Nov 2010 was 154-153 not been down there since than’. hoping soon’., hope to be at a healthy w.t. by late fall’.

      Phil 4:13

    5. Another thing people need to remember is not everyone can just be naturally skinny! Some people are genetically just a little different, and that’s okay =) Some people are naturally very thin and some people naturally carry a little extra, and you know what? That’s how God made us. We can’t all be the same; He wants us to be unique in our own special way, including how He designed us. I’m not saying that He’s giving us a pass to be unhealthy, because He does want us to take care of our bodies in a way pleasing to Him. But some of us, even in our healthiest, fittest state, are going to be different than other girls. And guess what? You’re still beautiful =)

    6. I have the same problem in a different sense(does that make sense?) I am really skinny, or so I’m told. People at school say that I’d better hold on to something or I might fly away, that I need a Big Mac, etc.
      That would seem pretty hurtful but it’s not. Why? Because God gave me confidence in myself. If people can’t see that beauty comes in all shapes and size then that’s their problem and God help them. As for us, we know that we are truly amazing and beautiful.
      I know that doesn’t seem to help with the relationship part but it will, I promise. For example, I went to a Health Expo with a few friends and a man there told me I should gain a few pounds. I was shocked but not as much as the guy standing nearby, he said he thought I looked fine the way I was and that the man shouldn’t say things quite that harshly. I thanked the guy and we talked a bit, turns out he’s Christian too!

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