Ask Aysha: “Should I Kiss Him?”
Written by Aysha Ives | June 20, 2013
I’ve been best friends with a guy for several years. I’ve had a crush on him for awhile, but he told me that he’d never be interested in dating me because I’m like his little sister. We didn’t talk at all during freshman year because of this but we’ve since mended our friendship. However, now he keeps asking me to kiss him. I told him I wanted my first kiss to be with a boyfriend, and he said, “Well, I’ll ask you out and dump you afterward.” He’s one of my best friends and he’s always there for me, but I’m not sure what to do. Help!
One of the things that I constantly remind myself of is this:
If it doesn’t feel right, then usually it isn’t.
God gives us intuition for a reason. If something doesn’t feel right, then that’s a sign we need to explore the situation a little more thoroughly. Sometimes our negative feelings about a situation are off, but usually they’re an accurate indicator that caution is needed. It sounds like this relationship should be maneuvered carefully.
Friendships and relationships with the opposite sex can be quite difficult to manage. Unfortunately, people sometimes struggle with boundaries and become focused on getting their own needs met, even at the expense of others. However, that’s the exact opposite of how Christians should conduct themselves! The Bible says this:
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too (Philippians 2:3-4).
Your guy friend knows that you’re interested in dating him and has made it clear that he wants to date other girls, yet he’s still asking you to be affectionate with him. This sounds pretty selfish! God wants us to be selfless so that we don’t hurt others. Ask yourself, is your guy friend behaving in a selfless manner or is he trying to get his physical desires met at the expense of your emotional well-being?
It’s important for you to set the tone for all of your friendships and relationships. You teach others how to treat you by what you permit and what you disallow. Here are some suggestions to handle this situation:
- REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE! You’re the King’s daughter and you deserve to be treated with respect. Always keep this in mind so that you respect yourself, carry yourself in a way that will require others to respect you, and most importantly, be the light that God has called you to be.
- Be very candid with your guy friend. You should have a candid conversation with your friend. Explain to him that his advances make you uncomfortable and that his comments are even a little disrespectful. The conversation may be a little awkward at first, but you’ll let him know that you respect yourself and that you expect others to treat you with the same level of respect.
- Distance yourself, if necessary. If your friend continues to make these comments OR if you feel that you like him so much that you may kiss him and regret it later, perhaps you should distance yourself from him for awhile.
- Pray. Prayer is the foundation for our Christian life. Ask God for direction and strength to handle this situation appropriately. Also, pray for your friend’s relationship with Christ to grow as well.
Your first kiss should be a memorable and special moment. You shouldn’t allow your friend to take that away from you.
What do you girls think? Do you agree?
Psst! Want more “Ask Aysha”? Tune in to Aysha’s first live text chat TODAY, June 20, at 4:30 PM PST in the chat room!