Ask Aysha: “What Does God Say About Being Single and Having Soul Mates?”

    Hi girls! There have been lots of questions lately about remaining single verses finding your “soul mate,” so I thought I’d answer a few of your questions in one post!

    Is it okay that I don’t want to date or ever get married?

    Getting married is not a prerequisite to salvation. God does NOT require people to marry. In fact, people who choose to remain single while still living a holy lifestyle may be in a better position to serve God than married couples. Paul says this:

    An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

    It’s ABSOLUTELY okay for a Christian to not date or marry as long as she continues to maintain a godly lifestyle. Some people are called to live life single, and God gives them supernatural strength to resist lust and other struggles that the enemy will try to present to an unmarried person. I think it’s awesome when a person is able to focus on God entirely without the distraction of romantic relationships!

    Although some people’s calling will require them to remain single, God knows that most people will have a desire to marry. This makes sense because sexual intimacy is necessary to replenish the earth. When God’s people marry and produce children, the Kingdom of God can move forward on earth. So to answer the next question:

    Does God create a specific soul mate for each person? And if so, why do some people desire to get married but never do?

    This is a bit of a complex question. God gives us free will in life and marriage is one of those things that He leaves up to us. However, in order to have the best marriage possible, it’s vitally important that we consult God before getting married. Since marriage is supposed to be a permanent earthly union, it’s important that Christians enter that covenant after much prayer and confirmation. I believe that God will make known to each person who the ideal person is for him/her to marry.

    God wouldn’t give you a desire and then not fulfill it. That would be cruel and God is a God of LOVE, not cruelty. If He gives you the desire to be married, then He’ll send your husband to you. However, it’s very important to understand that disobedience holds up blessings. Sometimes people who desire to be married are still single because they haven’t done what God has instructed them to do. However, having unfulfilled desires (that are holy) isn’t what God wants for your life.

    So, if it’s your desire to one day marry, be obedient and bring your petition before God and in His timing, He’ll make it happen! Also, don’t allow the enemy to put faulty thoughts into your mind. If Satan sees that this is a concern of yours, then he’ll try to convince you that you’ll never get married. But I’ll leave you with this:

    Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).

    What do you girls think? Do you think everyone has a soul mate? Do you want to get married one day, or would you be happy remaining single?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. I don’t think everyone has a soulmate. I believe that you can fall in love multiple times in your life, and many of those you fall in love with may just be great marriage material. That’s why I think love is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. That being said, I don’t want to get married or have children in the future. I want to be free to do whatever God calls me to do without worrying about my husband and kids. I don’t want to be submissive to my husband. I want to make my own decisions. Marriage is also a lot of hard work, and I don’t know if I want to deal with it if it’s not a necessity to get married. It’s frustrating, because I still have crushes on guys, and I have to remind myself of my decision to stay single, and I’ll admit it’s a bummer sometimes. I worry about growing old and alone with 10 cats to keep me company, and I feel bad because my mom wants grandkids. Lol But I’ll deal with that later. I’m only 19.

      • Ha ha, I’m on the same boat. My mom tells me I need to have kids, and at one point I said, “Dude, Josh and Grace (my siblings) will have kids.” And she kind of snorted and said, “You have a better chance of having kids than Josh does.” And yet Josh has a girlfriend and I’m single. 😉 I definitely do not mind having 10 kids, but I do have crushes too, so I know how hard that gets!

    2. Thanks for answering that first question! I knew that Paul was single, but I always felt like I was doing something wrong because there are people who think I’m nuts for not wanting a romantic relationship, even though I’m 17 and that desire may change in a few years. But both being single and being married have their pros and cons… just have to think of where God wants you to serve. 😉

      • I’m in the same boat. People think it’s weird since I’m an older teen and still don’t want a romantic relationship. I think I’d like to get married someday, but for now I’m content being single and since I am single now, that’s a good thing. I’m just going to wait and see where God leads me. 🙂

    3. I personally Believe that God makes soulmates. Yes, you can love multiple people, but I believe you can only love different people in a way that is different than anyone else in your life. Think of it this way, Do you love your siblings the same way you love your Mom? I think not. So my point being, yes I do believe that God makes soulmate. But that’s just my two cents. 🙂

    4. I think that if God is not calling someone to get married, then that person does not have a soulmate, but if someone is supposed to get married than they do have a soulmate. 🙂 I definitely want to get married. 🙂

    5. I had a problem with this for many years. Having a boyfriend was like my dream since early elementary through High School. But it never happened. I’ve never dated, never been kissed, and that used to upset me. God has changed my perspective on this and now I don’t want to get married at all. I’m 21, and I’m perfectly content with being single. I agree, that I’m just waiting for God’s plan in my life. If God has a soulmate for me than I will let Him give the blessing of marriage to me in his time, but I’m not going to spend my time looking for it either.

    6. I’m not sure if I want to stay single or get married. I’m so confused! Sometimes I have the desire to get married, but I’m afraid that it can bring distractions in my spiritual life that can separate me from God. I don’t know what I want right now and I’m only 17. :/

    7. I try to think everyone has a soul mate, but then again if I think that I tend to think I watch too many romantic movies. I have been single for two months and the only time I am not okay with it is when I am around people who are in love.

    8. I’m glad to see an article like this. 🙂

      And I’m happy remaining single and focusing entirely on God. It’s going to be challenging, especially with a world filled with people focused on finding “the right one” and some pressure others to do the same, otherwise you’re “incomplete.” But in the end, God’s with me, my heart is His, and he’ll get me through it. 🙂

      As for soulmates, I don’t think there are such a thing.

        • Arigato! 🙂

          Your username is so cool! And it’s so true what you said on your profile–how God is helping you be a good dancer! I feel the exact same way. I’m an aspiring ballerina and the only way I think I can make a career out of it is if I have God’s help. <3

      • Merci Emi. 🙂

        I think it’s awesome you want to be a dancer too. I’ll be praying for you. Remember, some dancers may rely on their skills, talent and experiences but we have God to fall back on to give us “exceedingly and abundantly above all that what we ask for”!

    9. I was engaged at 18 and I was convinced that he was my soulmate. I thought that God had given me this amazing man to have forever, but I was very wrong. Instead God had other plans for me and used my relationship and my break up (which was the hardest thing I have ever gone through) to lead me to a better place. I still believe in soulmates, but I warn you sometimes you get so wrapped up in love and ignore the fact that he is not your soulmate but someone God has given you to continue to grow and develop.

      • I totally agree! A lot of young people are so intent with finding that “perfect” guy, and that their love will be so magical, amazing from the first moment, and have a fairy-tale ending. But life simply isn’t always that way. I don’t believe that there is a such thing as the “perfect” guy. No one is perfect. But I do believe in soul mates, but you have to be careful that your not so wrapped up in being “in love” that you lose sight of God’s will for your life.

        • I couldn’t have said it better. To add to what you said: I believe God gives us imperfect husbands to love in order for us to learn about His unconditional love for us. We need to love our husbands always no matter what wrong they bring us. We need to have a love like Jesus has for us- we wrong Him all the time yet He still loves us unconditionally. On this Earth we are here to further His kingdom by being like Him. So to be more like Him we learn by unconditionally loving our imperfect husbands. I hope this made sense- I’m an awful writer haha. Hope you all have a blessed day!

      • Justilean, in my opinion I think it’s totally fine to marry young if you are confident that that is God’s plan for you. I know someone that got married right after her 19th birthday. They now have four kids and are very happily married. I think as long as you have put a lot of prayer into it, and know that you are both ready for it, then God bless. 🙂

    10. I am not sure whether God wants me to be single or married. Sometimes I am able to scoff the Enemy’s deceitful “old maid living with cats” stereotype that he has so deeply ingrained in our culture, and bravely say, “I am not my own, I was bought with a price.” Other days, I feel lustful and have sexual thoughts and strongly desire a boyfriend, which I certainly don’t need. I have God to fulfill me, and I don’t need some man who will most likely break my heart anyway. God, not man, completes me. Then why do I still feel desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone? And why do I, a 16 year old, have ungodly, lustful thoughts? Everyone, Christians included, insists that these sexual thoughts and romantic desires are healthy! But how on earth can they be healthy when they cause you to sin so, so easily? Why does romantic, sexual attraction lead you astray when everyone, God and Christians included, continually say that sex is healthy and spiritual? I am not sure whether I just have a distorted view of romance or whether sex is healthy and I am just “restraining healthy urges”, or whatever Freudians tell you.

      • My view of this is that those thoughts are normal for girls to have at our age, but that we shouldn’t entertain them. So when I realize the direction my mind is going in, I try to think about something else (although I confess I don’t always do this right away).
        I want a boyfriend in the same way that you do, and I totally agree with what you’ve said. I’ve been asking God to redirect my desires to Him, and I’ll pray the same for you. 🙂

      • you have got to stop thinking there are all these limits to what you can do, or you won’t be living a good life. do what you want. if you want a boyfriend, get one. who wouldn’t want that kind of love? it exists, so why not? thinking that what makes you happy is wrong (in this case, a romance) and anyone who encourages that kind of thinking is misguided and not letting you live up to this grand potential that we all have inside of us.

    11. God has created some people to get married and some not. If God chooses to bless you with marriage then you should obey! Just because you don’t want to get married or date doesn’t mean you should close that door, even if you don’t think marriage or dating is for you! “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” ~Isaiah 55:8
      So as you can see His will for your life is often not what you would have imagined, planned, or as you thought wanted, so don’t try limit Him. His will for your life is always the best for you even if you don’t think it is.

      • MaddieLynn, this is great. Personally, I’m so set against getting married that I dismiss it when anyone tells me God might have different plans for me. It’s a pride issue, but like you said, life very rarely turns out the way we imagine or plan, and I need to be open to whatever God’s will is. Thanks!!

    12. This was very helpful, because I am in this season of being single, obedient, and content. I have a desire to be a wife of a God fearing man, but it is hard sometimes finding a man who is radical for God and loves Jesus Christ. If anything, I just need to remain patient and content because I know that I am worth the wait. Thanks again 🙂

    13. I think about this a lot! I personally am also Catholic along with being Christian and I have considered becoming a Sister. I mean who would be a better husband than The Big Man himself? But at the same time I want to have kids. That’s the funny thing I feel like if I didn’t get married I wouldn’t feel like I was missing anything, but the fact that I would miss out on having children and raising them would kind of sadden me. For now I’m going to just keep praying and keep an eye out for what The Lord is planning:)

    14. I’d really like to get married someday. However, for now I’m fine being single. I’ll be able to spend more time focusing on God.(: God will let me know when it’s time for me to find the right guy.

    15. I believe that God has someone for those who desire a soulmate. At this time, I am single. I really want a boyfriend because I feel lonely and sad. God has ensured me through mulitiple people that my Mr. Right is out there.I just have to be patient and wait for His timing….

    16. Just because you want to get married doesn’t mean you will, or God will give you a husband. Same with any other dream you have. Honestly, no one knows why that is, but don’t feel like because getting married is something you want then God will automatically give you a husband, because the truth is, he might not.

    17. Personally, I do not like the word “soulmate,” However, I do believe that God has a specific person for you to be with, and I believe that as long as one is obedient to God’s plans, he will bring the person you are meant to be with into your path. I do agree that not everyone is meant to be married, though I do feel that such people are rare cases. Not everyone is called to the life of marriage (like Paul), but you should not use that as an excuse to live an unholy or sexually immoral lifestyle. I think the majority of people, though, are supposed to obey God’s commandment when he said “Be fruitful and multiply” in the beginning. I am one such person and have the desire to find my husband and have children. Christians though should be careful to heed 2 Cor. 6:14 when dating and looking for a spouse. It says, “Do not be yoked together with ubbelievers.” Therefore, we should make sure that whoever we date or plan on marrying has the same morals and beliefs as us. Do not make excuses for unbelievers or lower your standards. Just be patient and wait for the right person to come along and remember that God has someone better for you.

    18. I think everyone has a soul mate IF that’s what God has planned for that person! I would like to marry one day but in God’s timing, with his blessing, and with the guy he chooses for me.

    19. well i know i am on a women’s topic, but there are many of us men looking for a good woman to share our life with too. it seems God does punish many of us men, the way that i feel which you may think i am wrong.

    20. I’m 38 and never been on a date . I wish that wasn’t true . I was told by some girl that God called me to be single to serve him instead . That nearly killed me emotionally and I think it did spiritually . I don’t want to be single ! God has brought no one ! Into my life and I want to know why !!!! I’m lonely and devastated pretty much daily by this . All my friends are married and if they aren’t they used to be .

      I’m not sure if I feel anger or betrayed any time I hear how God brought a wonderful person into their life .

      He hasn’t for me .
      It’s hard enough I can’t have kids , even worse I’m asexual but at the end of the day I’m very very lonely !

      I love my cats but I don’t expect them to fill the void I have

      I’ve waited on God but I’m 38 !! Not 28 or 18 or 8

      I feel very forgotten and neglected !!!

      • Kat, I’m sorry to hear that. I can understand how you feel though, even though I’m younger I’ve felt lonely quite a lot and I easily get frustrated about anyone’s love life simply because I don’t have one.

        For some reason, I have the feeling there’s something that you’re supposed to do but I’m not sure what. Have you ever thought of adoption at all? I’d definitely consider it if you want kids that much or maybe even fostering?

        Try to get out more, become more active. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you could take up a class in something you’re interested in or join a gym, this would help you meet new people and will improve your social and emotional health.

        Or maybe it’s your job? Are you unhappy with it? You might want to think of another career path if you are unhappy with it.

        Why don’t you go on holiday or travel for a few months? See the world, it’ll give you a better perspective of life.

        But most of all pray, ask for for God to improve your patience. Pay attention to your surroundings, look for any signs that God wants to tell you something and don’t give up. You’ll most likely regret it if you do.

        That’s all I can say I’m afraid, I hope I helped. God bless.

      • Trust in the Lord, he does love you and has a purpose for you. Try surrounding yourself with people you love, and try volunteering doing something you’ll enjoy that will honor God. Volunteer somewhere loving on orphan children, or teaching religion classes, or caring for animals. Maybe you can also find a job in a non-profit organization that does charity for the needy, and glorifys God. If you are active in the community you could begin to feel more joy, fulfillment and love in return. Some are called to enter into a marriage with Christ. I know a few friends who are discerning entering into a convent, it’s a beautiful form of surrender of giving it all to Christ (possession, friends, family, boys.) The idea of being a foster parent or adopting is also a great idea if you have the resourses at home to do that (don’t adopt or foster if you can’t do much more than care for yourself.) There are many options outside of marriage, just listen and trust in the Lord and know that he has a wonderful plan just for you. Jesus Loves you. 😀

      • Trust in the Lord, he does love you and has a purpose for you. Try surrounding yourself with people you love, and try volunteering doing something you’ll enjoy that will honor God. Volunteer somewhere loving on orphan children, or teaching religion classes, or caring for animals. Maybe you can also find a job in a non-profit organization that does charity for the needy, and glorifys God. If you are active in the community you could begin to feel more joy, fulfillment and love in return. Some are called to enter into a marriage with Christ. I know a few friends who are discerning sisterhood, it’s a beautiful form of surrender of giving it all to Christ (possession, friends, family, boys.) The idea of being a foster parent or adopting is also a great idea if you have the resourses at home to do that (don’t adopt or foster if you can’t do much more than care for yourself.) There are many options outside of marriage, just listen and trust in the Lord and know that he has a wonderful plan just for you. Jesus Loves you. 😀

    21. How do I tell whether or not God is giving me instructions? I try to live in the light of God, but I get confused often on what is God and what isn’t God. How do I de-code God’s answers to my prayers about love and relationships. I know I’m young, but 99% of my friends are in happy, long lasting relationships.

    22. God calls us to different vocations, many he calls to marriage, but he also calls some to single life, and some to religious life ( to be a nun or sister, priest or brother.) Neither vocation is more important than another. Find wherever God is calling you, and if he’s not calling you to marriage, consider single life, or going into a convent.

    23. I’ve always thought that there might be many candidates in the line of who God has created to marry/date someone. That person could be happy with many men but there is only one of the many God has created which will end up marrying the lady. That is merely because, if the hearts of both are turned to God, God will bring the two together in holy matrimony. That’s not quite the “soul mates” idea but it’s pretty close to it.

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