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Ask Aysha: What Should I Do If I Still Think About Other Guys After I Get Married?

What should I do if I still think about other guys after I get married?

Getting married is a serious decision and partners should carefully consider their choice before entering into such a covenant. Marriage is established by God, and it’s supposed to be a union that lasts until one or both spouses leave this earthly realm. Therefore, marriage should be respected and both partners should do their best to make it an amazing experience for the other.

Keeping this in mind, here are a few tips to use if you ever find yourself thinking too much about other guys or are tempted to cheat in any relationship:

  • If you’re in a relationship and you’re always thinking about other guys in a romantic way, it’s a signal that there’s probably an issue that needs to be addressed. Take some time to think about some of your needs that aren’t being met in your relationship and then check with your guy to schedule a time to talk about them.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell your guy how you feel. You might want to make a list beforehand so that you don’t forget anything–especially if things get a little emotional.
  • Remember to always be respectful in your discussions. Try not to be argumentative and  focus on using “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For instance, you could say “I feel underappreciated” instead of “You spend too much time with your friends.” When you approach a conversation this way, the other person is less defensive and the conversation will likely yield better results.
  • Create space if necessary. If you’re dating someone and you’re constantly thinking about other guys in a romantic way, then you might want to consider whether or not this is the right relationship for you. It might be helpful to spend some time apart to see if you really want to maintain the relationship. Once you get married, separating from the marriage shouldn’t be an option. However, perhaps scheduling some “me” time or a long weekend with girlfriends could help you become refreshed and ready to start working on improving your relationship.
  • If you’re thinking about other guys because someone is hurting you, it’s NOT okay and you should leave immediately. If this happens later in life when you’re married, then you should seek counseling after you leave. It’s true that God doesn’t condone divorce, but He doesn’t want you staying in a dangerous situation, either. You can always work through the problems, with God and professional help, after you’re in a safe place.
  • Seek God’s guidance. Pray about every relationship–especially before you get married. Let God lead you in choosing a spouse. After you do get married, make sure God is always at the center of the marriage so that the enemy doesn’t have leverage to wreak havoc. Remember:

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastics 4:12).

Don’t forget to let God be the third chord in your relationships!

I hope this is helpful in dealing with relationships, now and later in life when you’re married! What do you girls think? Do you have any other tips?

Image: Thinkstock | istockphoto

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11 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by leahnybree on December 22, 2012 at 16:41

    If he’s not chasing Gods heart .. he shouldn’t be chasing mine

  2. Eurydice

    Posted by Eurydice on December 21, 2012 at 21:45

    I live with my boyfriend, and we have a strict “look but don’t touch” policy when it comes to other men or women; though, sometimes we check out other guys or girls when we go out together. It’s all in good fun. It’s all a matter of trust and your level of security. Obviously, an insecure spouse would have a problem with you thinking about other people; we feel secure in ourselves and trust each other, so it works. =^_^=

  3. olburrows

    Posted by olburrows on December 21, 2012 at 11:05

    I am 19 years old and have never been in a relationship, but this is fantastic advice, Aysha! I will try to remember these tips!

    • Posted by AyshaIves on December 27, 2012 at 07:30

      I was 19 when I entered my first relationship. At the time, I didn’t know God the way that I know Him now- and the relationship caused more harm than good. Don’t worry, precious daughter of God, He will send you your heart’s desire in time. While you wait, focus on being God’s girl and prepare yourself for when God does send they guy He has for you!

  4. Deeblves3

    Posted by Deeblves3 on December 20, 2012 at 13:38

    I have a question, What do you mean from the verse you had just mentioned. Can you explain it please?

    • Posted by AyshaIves on December 27, 2012 at 07:26

      God knows that the enemy seeks to sift us as wheat. He also knows that the enemy especially seeks to destroy Godly relationships. Therefore, He tells us to make sure that we always have Him as the foundation, the “third chord” in all of our relationships. He knows that a person is more vulnerable by him/herself and understands how much more powerful two people are verses one- that’s why He sent the disciples out in pairs instead of individually. When there are two, they can help each other along the way. What this means for Godly marriages/relationships is that God wants each partner to be supportive of the other, but more importantly He wants to be the foundation of the relationship-because where God is present- the enemy must flee. Hope this helps! =)

  5. Paris

    Posted by Paris on December 19, 2012 at 21:14

    If you have a feeling that he is the right one,make sure you ask God to reveal if it is before you get involved with him. It will save you a lot of heartache. 😀

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by segi on December 19, 2012 at 16:14

    for God will give you the desires of your heart..In a relationship is a three way street so when you do get in to an argument you have to consider the other half some time to speak…mostly you will need to have the bible as your daily companion so when you do get to dis agreement that you,will have the chance to give to others…if you do decide to break up the relationship forgive them.A healthy relationship is good..but when you are young i think it better to wait until you are alot older to start dating..save time for you and god relationship to grow spiritual thats how you can mend to cope with all the dating and all the situation in a relationship…its says in his word that he will give you the desire of you heart..so don’t be anxious to date,but instead pray about it..