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    Ask Aysha: What Should I Do If I Still Think About Other Guys After I Get Married?

    What should I do if I still think about other guys after I get married?

    Getting married is a serious decision and partners should carefully consider their choice before entering into such a covenant. Marriage is established by God, and it’s supposed to be a union that lasts until one or both spouses leave this earthly realm. Therefore, marriage should be respected and both partners should do their best to make it an amazing experience for the other.

    Keeping this in mind, here are a few tips to use if you ever find yourself thinking too much about other guys or are tempted to cheat in any relationship:

    • If you’re in a relationship and you’re always thinking about other guys in a romantic way, it’s a signal that there’s probably an issue that needs to be addressed. Take some time to think about some of your needs that aren’t being met in your relationship and then check with your guy to schedule a time to talk about them.
    • Don’t be afraid to tell your guy how you feel. You might want to make a list beforehand so that you don’t forget anything–especially if things get a little emotional.
    • Remember to always be respectful in your discussions. Try not to be argumentative and  focus on using “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For instance, you could say “I feel underappreciated” instead of “You spend too much time with your friends.” When you approach a conversation this way, the other person is less defensive and the conversation will likely yield better results.
    • Create space if necessary. If you’re dating someone and you’re constantly thinking about other guys in a romantic way, then you might want to consider whether or not this is the right relationship for you. It might be helpful to spend some time apart to see if you really want to maintain the relationship. Once you get married, separating from the marriage shouldn’t be an option. However, perhaps scheduling some “me” time or a long weekend with girlfriends could help you become refreshed and ready to start working on improving your relationship.
    • If you’re thinking about other guys because someone is hurting you, it’s NOT okay and you should leave immediately. If this happens later in life when you’re married, then you should seek counseling after you leave. It’s true that God doesn’t condone divorce, but He doesn’t want you staying in a dangerous situation, either. You can always work through the problems, with God and professional help, after you’re in a safe place.
    • Seek God’s guidance. Pray about every relationship–especially before you get married. Let God lead you in choosing a spouse. After you do get married, make sure God is always at the center of the marriage so that the enemy doesn’t have leverage to wreak havoc. Remember:

    Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastics 4:12).

    Don’t forget to let God be the third chord in your relationships!

    I hope this is helpful in dealing with relationships, now and later in life when you’re married! What do you girls think? Do you have any other tips?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


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