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Love

Ask Aysha: “When Is It Okay to Begin Dating?”

In your opinion, what age is a good age to begin dating?

As daughters of the King, everything we do should reflect who we are in Christ. 1 Peter 2:9 says that we are “peculiar people,” which means that everything we do as Christians should be distinguishable from the world. Therefore, even Christian dating should be approached in a different manner than worldly dating.

Christian ladies should date when they’re marriage minded, not just to have fun or to “get experience” with boys. God instituted marriage for companionship, but He also wants husbands and wives to go forth and raise Godly children. God established this order so that His Kingdom’s agenda can be carried forth from generation to generation.

When it comes to dating, I tend to be more on the conservative side of the issue because I believe that although people may change, societies may change and customs may change, GOD never changes. Dating for fun or “just because” isn’t what God had in mind when He created Eve as a mate for Adam, and He still doesn’t have that in mind for His children today.

With that in mind, there’s no specific age that Christians should begin dating; however, I would recommend waiting awhile. Although it may seem tough to do, especially if all of your friends are dating, when you decide to wait to date, it really can save you from dealing with unecessary temptation and heart break.

Waiting doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy the company of guys! You absolutely can hang out with guys–and have fun–even if you’re not dating yet. Here are some suggestions:

  • Go on group outings. Grab a couple of your girlfriends and a few guy buddies and head somewhere fun. You could see a movie, go to the beach, check out an amusement park or just walk around the mall for a few hours.
  • Have a get-together at your house. Who says Christians can’t celebrate at home? Yes, the Bible says that partying the way the world does isn’t appropriate for Christians, but it’s okay to have small gatherings at your house. Go grab some appetizers, pull out a few board games (or video games), make some punch, invite a few friends over and have some wholesome fun right at home.
  • Get involved in church or youth groups. Tons of really nice guys go to church every day. Becoming active in your church’s youth group is a great way to have fun with boys who share the same values as you. Although you may not be dating yet, you could meet some fantastic guys and form amazing friendships right at church.
  • Join organizations at school. Get involved in activities that you like at school. If you like to sing, join the choir. If you’re good in math, join the math league. If you’re a sports person, attend sporting events. You’re bound to have fun with girls and guys alike while you’re involved in your favorite activities.

Girls, Proverbs 4:23 says this:

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

God instructs us to guard our heart for our own benefit–He understands how easily an unguarded heart can be bruised. This is why Christian ladies really should wait to begin the courting process until you’re a little older. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun hanging out with guys, as friends, while you wait.

What else can you do to have wholesome fun with guys until you’re ready to date? What do you think the right age to start dating is?

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78 Comments

  1. Mewhittemore

    Posted by Mewhittemore on November 21, 2013 at 07:02

    I know this is super late, and this question is probably not being considered anymore. but after reading several things, I decided to share. So, for a long time, I struggled with the peer pressure to have a boyfriend. All my friends did. My only problem was, I couldn’t find anyone who had my own beliefs. I needed a way to make sure I didn’t settle for someone. So. Lame as it sounds, I came up with a way to cure that pressure. I decorated a special box, and I would write letters to my future husband in that box. the letters could be silly little things to serious heartpours.. I plan to give it to him when I get engaged. Of course, if you’re waiting you won’t know who your husband is, so I always addressed them “dear future husband” And, it totally worked. ebcause I had someone to talk to and someone to love. I know it sounds lame. but it was awesome. I now do have a Godly boyfriend, and am super glad I waited for Him. But if you’re struggling, try something like that box.

  2. rileyyjane

    Posted by rileyyjane on October 11, 2013 at 15:52

    I have struggled with this issue myself many times. I’m a sophomore and last year I had my first boyfriend who was my first kiss to and it didn’t last long and ended badly and I really regret it. He was a nonchristian and we had different views and goals. After that I decided to never date a nonchristian again and to not date until I’m out of high school which was my original plan but this guy came into my life when I was feeling very lonely and made me feel loved but I see now that it wan’t really love. A few months ago I made a new friend who was a guy and we grew to be best friends and talked all of the time and I suppose we both fell for each other after a while. I tried to keep it from happening but feelings took over me and it was stupid but now I’m in over my head. He is also a nonchristian even though I share the word of God with him whenever possible. We aren’t dating because I told him that I don’t want a relationship but we are as close to it as you can get. It isn’t physical but I just really love him and care about him too much to stop our relationship. We can’t go back to being friends now that we both feel this way so strongly for each other. He is my best friend and I trust him more than anyone and I just love talking to him. I don’t really know what to do.

  3. Grace Pierpont

    Posted by Grace Pierpont on August 16, 2013 at 18:42

    now I personally think I will never date. though I do want to get married some day. Honestly, I just want to be friends with the guy, no dating, just friends. Because I feel like people who date someone can’t even go out to lunch with their other friend. Like a girl is dating a guy, and her friend, who is also a guy, wants to go out to lunch together. But no, she can’t because she’s dating a guy.
    I don’t know to me that just seems harsh.

    • AllForTheKing

      Posted by AllForTheKing on November 9, 2013 at 22:03

      It depends on the guy (and you yourself). I am dating someone who is not jealous, and is totally okay with me having lunch with other guy friends. His viewpoint is that if I am not trustworthy when he’s not around, I’m not worth his time. If I’m letting feelings develop for other guys, I’m also not worth his time and he would rather find out now than after we got married, were we to marry. I like the way he thinks. But it’s also good on my part to honor him as much as possible by not rampantly hanging out with guys. I only have lunch with certain friends, and I always tell him that I’m doing it, even though he doesn’t ask me to let him know.

  4. boergoatgirl

    Posted by boergoatgirl on July 1, 2013 at 09:01

    I want to share something my dad told me a year or two ago. He told me that with every guy that I date or even just develop feelings for, I give them a little chunk of my heart. And you never get it back. And I didn’t agree with him at first, but now I do. And someday, when we finally find “the one”, you’ll want to give that guy your whole heart. Every piece of it. And I’m sure he’ll want that too. And what will you tell him when you’ve already given part of your heart to a number of other guys? Now, we can’t change what we have done in the past, but we can certainly change what happens in the future. And that’s why I have committed to being just friends with every guy until I’m at least 18. I know we all think about whether certain guys we know now are the one we will marry, and a lot of times we WANT to marry them someday, but being friends is part of being married. AND if he truly is the guy God has for you, you will end up together someday. No doubt about it.

    • floralcuteness16

      Posted by floralcuteness16 on November 9, 2013 at 15:45

      I would love to give my future husband my whole heart, but how on earth do i stop crushing so hard and so often? it really can be aggrivating…

    • GodsGlory321

      Posted by GodsGlory321 on November 4, 2013 at 15:33

      AMEN!!!! i was told this as well growing up and it has been a huge help in my life

  5. fishycracker

    Posted by fishycracker on June 29, 2013 at 14:36

    Can I ask some of you for some advice? I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. Everyone says we are perfect together, my friend even said we’re the only people who she believes in love for. He treats me so special. I do love him, but I’m not in love. The only problem is he’s not a Christian. If he was, I could see us together after high school and even marrying him. But is that just me being a 16 year old? It eventually comes to the question: what’s more important to you?: God or your boyfriend? I don’t want to break up with him. I keep praying that he’ll get saved and something tells me he will. What should I do? I just wish I had told him I don’t date nonchristians. But my faith wasn’t too strong back then. I don’t know what to do.

    • stormrocks21

      Posted by stormrocks21 on November 18, 2013 at 10:57

      When my mom started dating my dad, she was a strong believer, but he was not a Christian. My mom constantly would read the Bibleible and send tapes of sermons to my dad, encouraging him to go to church and become a Christain. After a few years, she told him that she could not marry an un-believer. My dad truly loved my mom, so he started going to church and studying the Bible constantly. Finally my dad committed himself to God and is now a very very strong Christain.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by KaylaKakes on July 11, 2013 at 13:57

      Wow, that’s a really tough situation!

      First of all, I want you to know I’ll be praying for you. Your problems and concerns are all close to God’s heart, and He wants to help you as much as He possible can! He is so powerful and holy, that nothing could ever compare to Him, not even your boyfriend. I see where you’re coming from here, and will do my best to give you a biblical mindset on this situation!

      First of all, I’m so glad you love him (your boyfriend) – but, I’m glad you’re not :in love” with him, either. If that were the case, this might be a much harder thing to deal with, because there are a lot more emotions involved, and many of them confusing.

      Secondly, if the first part was confusing… I’m so glad you’ve formed this relationship with him! Because of where you were in your faith when it began, and because of how you’ve grown to a place where you don’t want to be with an unbeliever, it complicates things. But, honey, the Lord simplifies! He has plans for you, to give you a great hope for your future! He will never do anything to hurt you, but will bring down all the forces the try and come up against you.

      What I would recommend from where I’m at in my relationship with Christ is this – that you sit down and talk to your boyfriend about your faith, and how you’ve grown in your relationship with God in the past 8 months, and let him know that you’re convicted that you need to share your faith with him on a deep level. You love him so much that you can’t keep the Love of the Lord from him, but you have to tell him all about it!

      Praying for you, dear <3 Hope this helped <3

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by DyKoetah on June 27, 2013 at 16:32

    I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16. When I was younger than that I hated that rule. But now that I’m older I can totally see why my mom set that age. She had me at the age of 15. And assumed I would end up like her. I’ve had about three relationships, one ending in heartbreak, one with the person cheating on me, and one with terrible consequences involving the loss of a baby and a very special friend, and someone in jail (hopefully) Needless to say, I can definitely wait until I’m older to start getting into heavy relationships.

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by mypet5556 on June 21, 2013 at 12:42

    by the way that was about the article, not this whole argument thing

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by mypet5556 on June 21, 2013 at 12:41

    Maybe it just depends on how desperate you are, or self conscious, some people are just going into a relationship because they feel so happy that someone actually likes them, because they’ve got self confidence issues, so that and, again, maturity, of course, you have to let the birds leave the nest sometimes, let them make mistakes, you cant guide everything, just give them the tools they need, be there for them, and hope they do whats right

  9. Grace_F

    Posted by Grace_F on June 15, 2013 at 07:32

    I honestly feel like I a being personally attcked :'( and it really hurts. I sought God in my decision to date, I seriously sought Him. He told me that it was what He wanted me to do. My boyfriend and I are both dating each other for the intention of marriage, with no sex before that. God has a specific plan for each person, each son and daughter of His. It may not be your plan but it is His plan for me. So please stop attacking me. We are all sisters in Christ and are supposed to support each other; it is one thing if you voice your opinion in a loving way, not by attacking the other person(me). Thanks for listening, I am just really hurt. 🙁 God bless!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by chosen_one on June 15, 2013 at 23:35

      AWWWWEEEE I agree with you 100%!! We as sister’s in Christ are supposed too build each other up not tear each other down! Much love for you sister

  10. Blythe

    Posted by Blythe on June 15, 2013 at 07:13

    I tried to start “going out” when I was 14 and I was a big mistake, I was not ready for the emotional, and physical part of dating. I thought that I was ready, but I found that I really wasn’t. I think that you should at least wait until you are 16. I am about to turn sixteen in july, and Im not even sure I want to start, Im doing so fine without it

  11. EllieOtter

    Posted by EllieOtter on May 28, 2013 at 18:51

    I believe when you feel you’re ready to start dating for the right reasons, that’s when you’re ready to start dating. For some, this is in high school, some in college, some beyond. I think you should pray to God before beginning a relationship and ask yourself if it’ll positively impact your life. If the answer is yes, you both have similar views on dating, and you both like each other, then go for it.

  12. boergoatgirl

    Posted by boergoatgirl on May 10, 2013 at 11:53

    I agree with a lot of what Aysha is saying here. I am 15 and have never dated, but not because I haven’t wanted to-my parents wouldn’t let me. And to be honest, I wasn’t real happy with it, like why couldn’t I make my own decisions? But I have thought more about the whole dating thing in the past few months, and have read some books such as ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ by Joshua Harris. It’s a great book and I would highly recommend reading it. It talks about how to please God with your relationships, and by reading that and experiencing some of what happens with my friends dating, I have decided not to date until I am ready to get married. Now I’m not saying everyone should do this, I just feel it is right for me. But I would encourage every teenage girl (and boy) to really pray and do what you think God wants you to do. Maybe read some books (like the one I mentioned above) and talk to your parents or someone you trust about what they think about it, cause every person and situation is different. Our relationships matter, and we shouldn’t make these decisions lightly.

    • raybob

      Posted by raybob on May 14, 2013 at 12:20

      I completely agree with you boergoatgirl and I can relate too.

  13. ddaugustine

    Posted by ddaugustine on May 8, 2013 at 18:58

    I mostly agree with this. I’m 17 and currently a junior in high school and I’ve never dated. I’m not allowed to until I’m a senior (18), a rule I’m glad my parent have because it has saved me from heartbreak until I was old enough to make these decisions on my own. And now that I’m approaching the age at which I am allowed to date, I realized that I don’t really want to yet. I don’t know anyone at this moment that I can imagine being a good godly husband. In fact, I’m not even sure if God is calling me to marry, maybe he has different plans for my life.
    That is a topic I wish project inspired would talk about more. What about all the girls out there who aren’t called to be married? Sometimes they feel like something is wrong with them for not wanting to date. But really, God just has a different and equally fulfilling plan for their lives.

  14. Melody4Him

    Posted by Melody4Him on May 8, 2013 at 15:02

    I’ve been told “If you’re *serious* about finding a potential husband”.

  15. SingingSara6

    Posted by SingingSara6 on May 8, 2013 at 14:56

    I think God will tell you when you are ready. I had said that I was giving up on guys and dating for a while and then a few months later God brought my boyfriend into my life through Christian Leadership Institute. I’m 16 and was 15 at the time but it’s different for every person and through prayer and sometimes coincidence God will tell you when you are ready

  16. Mandi_lee2014

    Posted by Mandi_lee2014 on May 8, 2013 at 14:46

    Im 17 and started to pursue a relationship with a guy this year (already being in college) but quickly realized that I wasn’t ready yet. Although I dont believe you should be dating until your senior year, I know some people are ready earlier. I say listen to God, if I hadn’t my relationship with God would not be getting stronger these days because I wouldn’t be as focused on him. You have to be so in love with God before you can start dating someone. (My personal opinion) I don’t know when that will be for me, but I am willing to wait. I have a savior who pursues me relentlessly

  17. Project Inspired

    Posted by wheredidyouseegodtoday on May 8, 2013 at 14:28

    Quite honestly, with the general morals of society today, I don’t really see the point of dating when you are basically making yourself vulnerable to lots of things you don’t want to happen. I know that it is possible to find a great guy in high school, but why should you want to devote all of your time to sift through the guys in your grade when you could be having a much better time with friends? Mostly, guys just bring more drama for all of the girls. Dating isn’t a necessity as a teen, and I really don’t see why so many people think it is. Try to join activities that can help you discover what you enjoy and what you might want to pursue later in life rather than relying on a boyfriend to? 🙂

  18. crhsing4jesus

    Posted by crhsing4jesus on May 6, 2013 at 09:09

    Just remember girls, this is just Her opinion not necisarily whats right and wrong just ask your parents about it and look inside your heart .

    • raybob

      Posted by raybob on May 7, 2013 at 13:12

      In my opinion, I think that if you date someone, you must see yourself having a future with them (getting married.) If you seek God’s face and he reveals to you that this is the mane he has planned for you, then why not? 🙂 xxx

  19. atla_bee

    Posted by atla_bee on May 5, 2013 at 21:10

    I believe these are great, practical boundaries to follow. In general, yes it’s a good idea to hold on dating. However, I also believe that each person should seek and consult God first in this area, as it is such a major part of life. As long as you’re walking in God’s plan for your life, it’s all good.

  20. brennaeskyler2

    Posted by brennaeskyler2 on May 5, 2013 at 18:31

    I love this article! I think Aysha wrote it very well! She gave a little bit of her opinion that was from God and the Bible! I just got a purity ring yesterday, so this will remind me to wait for the right guy! 🙂

  21. Project Inspired

    Posted by hfryman17 on May 5, 2013 at 06:59

    I agree with the dating group and outing thing!! going in groups is so much fun and having a party at your house,(with supervision) is a good way to meet new people!:) everyone loves a good party!!:) and also I started dating last year (sophmore, 16) and I dated a guy for a year, and we went to prom together (he was a senior, 18) and he was a Christian, and didn’t compromise his standards when it came to dating. We would hold hands, hug, and kiss but our relationship was meant to glorify God.Although He took him out of my life this year for a reason, i Trust God has a better guy in mind for me (lovestory of Ruth and Boaz) Remember girlies, God is writing your lovestory!:) and he is a romantic!!<3

  22. vwvronee

    Posted by vwvronee on May 4, 2013 at 15:35

    Maybe this is off-topic, but I’m confused. This part kind of sounded weird to me: “Yes, the Bible says that partying the way the world does isn’t appropriate for Christians, but it’s okay to have small gatherings at your house.”
    So wait, “small” gatherings? Is that just an arbitrary word thrown in there, or does it mean that having “larger” parties is not okay? Is having a party with lots of people supposed to be something that the world does? Or are you referring to something else?
    Because when Jesus and his disciples got together for Passover, that wasn’t really a “small gathering.”

    • beautifymysoulgod

      Posted by beautifymysoulgod on May 6, 2013 at 18:11

      It’s okay to have large gatherings. She just meant like getting drunk, etc. Doing what the world does when they party.

  23. Deeblves3

    Posted by Deeblves3 on May 4, 2013 at 14:39

    Because of my situation, I agree with this. I have decided not to date until I get out of high school. I dated my freshman year, and it was with a Christian guy as well, my situation is not exact as anybodys but it can be relative. My Sophmore year, my decision was made because many guys are the moment are still maturing..still growing, and I gave my heart away too much when I was younger and I was tired of that. I want to save it for the man that God plans to bring. (If he wills it) In the end, it’s not the guys who truly fulfill our hearts it’s God alone! I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s definitely a decision made that will save you from a lot of pain!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by hfryman17 on May 5, 2013 at 07:02

      This is a good idea!!! Focus on serving God and his plan for your life, instead of dating and also school! We aren’t there for the dating aspect we need to learn this stuff to get to college!:) God is sooo worth it and he will never break your heart or leave you. Joshua 1:9 <3 I dated my freshmen and sophmore year of high school (now im a junior, and I've decided to wait for the right guy that God puts in my lie.)Because right now, honestly the guys arent worth it! We are four more years more mature than them!:)

      • Deeblves3

        Posted by Deeblves3 on May 6, 2013 at 19:33

        Amen girlfriend! @Hfryman17 So cool to see someone who has a similar situation!

  24. mjb198

    Posted by mjb198 on May 4, 2013 at 13:25

    Personally, I agree with a few parts in this but not all. This seems to be really strict, and ya dating is a very complicated topic, but I do not think it’s that black and white. In my own life (I am a freshman in highschool for context) I have been taught growing up form my family that I can’t ‘date’ thell I am 16. And I agree with that. That it should be for marriage. However, my parents and I have rules where if I liked a guy and he liked me, that 1. They have to meet him 2. We can’t go on one-on-one things. We can go out in groups and all that, but there has to be other people there. 3. VERY limited physical contact. And I completely agree with that. I am a very conservative person, and just for me to hug a guy is very rare. But my parents trust me because of how mature I am and I think that’s a really big thing to have. So this is just my opinion, hope it helps someone! 🙂

    • leahgrace99

      Posted by leahgrace99 on May 5, 2013 at 15:55

      I absolutely agree!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by hfryman17 on May 5, 2013 at 07:06

      This helped me!!:) I like how your parents are thinking, and that’s how mine are. (I’m a junior in high school) and dated freshmen and sophmore year…but I have decided to wait for God’s perfect timing to put a guy in my life whether it be college or later. And if you date a guy when you’re 16 he can drive you places!!:) which is a plus. (I dated a guy last year and I was 16, and he was a senior, 18) but he drove me everywhere and I didn’t end up getting my license til a few months later, plus I failed my permit test a few times.:P haha. I think it all depends on the person and what they believe in. Like I think dating should be in the intent for marriage, and the world has warped this view and said its something you have to do for fun. Thank you for the post!!:)

  25. IronyQueen

    Posted by IronyQueen on May 4, 2013 at 12:51

    I think that dating has more to do with maturity than with age. If you are mature enough to date, marriage minded, and your parents are okay, then go for it. Here is another idea. If prom or homecoming come around, and you need a date, then go with a guy as friends.

  26. leahgrace99

    Posted by leahgrace99 on May 4, 2013 at 11:31

    I am almost 14 and have never had a boyfriend. My parents don’t want me to date until I am a couple years older, and they say that the guy I date must be a christian no doubt about it. I personally think that we should wait until we get to the age were we are wanting to get married. If you girls do chose to date in High School, I definitely think that boundaries are a must. I agree with @Grace_F that you shouldn’t rush into a relationship and that you need to be mature in decisions. However, I disagree with @BeMyLoveStory. I know quite a number of girls who never dated in high school and there first boyfriend is the guy they are going to marry or already are married to. It definitely is a challenge today to wait, and to some not kissing is something they can’t think about not doing, but I think as young women who love Jesus we need to challenge ourselves and our friends to stay as pure as possible and to wait no matter what the cost. It doesn’t mean that you need to court but that you just set quite a few boundaries so that you can give everything you have to your husband.

  27. ChristianGirlForever

    Posted by ChristianGirlForever on May 4, 2013 at 06:02

    If your only suppose to date with the intentions of getting married then then you shouldnt date as a teen. Most likely you wont marry the guys you date in school. I think dating for a teen can be a fun experience, it should be two people who like each other, go on fun dates and have good (clean) times. Im not saying party it up and do whatever, there should be boundaries. I think 15 or 16 is a appropiate age to start dating.

  28. Peacegurl1960

    Posted by Peacegurl1960 on May 3, 2013 at 18:56

    Personally @Grace_F Aysha is not wrong. I had dated 11 guys and none of them respected the Christians. Or the analogy of saving until marriage. Most guys just want to hit and run these days so when Aysha says wait a while she means be smart because not all guys are good as they used to be anymore.

  29. Project Inspired

    Posted by KaylaHansa on May 3, 2013 at 18:11

    I don’t really have an exact age in which I believe one should start dating… I just believe that as soon as you decide your old enough and want to get married you can start being open to dating.

  30. Project Inspired

    Posted by BeMyLoveStory on May 3, 2013 at 18:06

    Although these tips are definitely ones to follow, I find them very unrealistic and unlikely goals to be followed. First we must wait until an appropriate age, let’s say 17 as an example, and then we must court instead of date, which from previous posts I understand means we can only give short pecks for kisses, etc. There are strict rules to be followed for such a long period of time (until marriage, which nowadays are years and years away!), and a lot of temptation and expectations set in today’s society. I plan on waiting until marriage to have sex, and I really do want to act by the words of God, but to stick to these rules seem like an impossible task, and I highly doubt people in long-term relationships, especially adults, are going to be successful abiding the rules of courting.

    • Buttercup

      Posted by Buttercup on May 11, 2013 at 11:09

      i totally agree with yo BeMyLoveStory! It’s good to have rules and boundaries and try to follow them, but sometimes it feels as if the expectations are unrealistic and just setting us up to fail. I know if I thought I was supposed to do the whole courting thing to the letter and remain totally perfect in following these rules, I’d feel like a failure if I slipped! And that’s not what God wants for us at all. When we slip, he wants us to come back, and it’s okay that we’re not prefect, we just need to repent! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to court and not date, but it isn’t realistic. As long as we keep ourselves pure and aren’t getting into serious relationships left and right, dating someone instead of courting is okay I think. If God approves of it, then it’s a good relationship, and that’s different for every person. I do also believe in waiting until a certain age to date, and then not dating seriously until we’re ready for marriage, but some of these ideas for courting are just a bit silly! I’m not putting God second because I like a guy, or if I kiss him for longer that 2 seconds. You don’t have to be out reading the Bible on dates and keeping a book-length between you to be respecting God. So some of these ideas are outdated, but the intentions are basically good.

    • beautifymysoulgod

      Posted by beautifymysoulgod on May 6, 2013 at 18:09

      What God instructs us to do is definitely not easy. He never promised it to be easy but he did say it would be worth it. He doesn’t instruct things to watch us suffer through temptation, no he does it to protect us. I can tell you for sure if you both have the same morals, and values it’s not impossible. It just takes making God the center of your relationship, and setting boundaries. You don’t need to court, it’s just a reccomendation. God says you can date when you’re both mature enough spiritually and emotionally.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by hfryman17 on May 5, 2013 at 07:15

      I like how you are looking at this @BeMyLoveStory…dating is supposed to be fun and not strict with hard boundaries to follow. I dated a guy for a year when I was 16, (not courting) and he was a Christian, and intended on waiting until marriage to have sex. It was fun to be around him and I believe God put him in my life for a reason. Just trust God with your whole heart and life, and He’ll direct your path. I think dating by Christians is taken way too seriously. I thought I was going to marry this kid but God took him out of my life for a reason. Our relationship was meant to display God and he challenged my faith, but he wasn’t boring. We went to movies, dinner, bowling, ice skating, etc. I’m glad you brought this up, because I’m pretty sure some people are thinking it.

  31. Grace_F

    Posted by Grace_F on May 3, 2013 at 15:36

    No offence Aysha, but I think that you are wrong in some parts. I am a freshman in high school and am taking my relationship seriously. My boyfriend does too. I personally think when you AND the other person are mature and are ready to take things seriously it’s okay to date. At first my now-boyfriend said he would wait for me because my parents said they didnt want me dating yet(they changed their mind[well my mom did]) Things can go successfully without waiting until your like 18. You are most likely still going to have heartbreaks even if you start when you’re older. But even if things don’t work out, God put them in your life for a reason, to teach you something.
    I am not saying rush into dating, but if you feel mature enough to handle it and feel like they are too, and it just sort of happens. Go for it! (talk to them though to make sure they’re on the same page.”

    “God is within her, she will not fall;” -Proverbs 46:5

    • Blythe

      Posted by Blythe on June 15, 2013 at 07:16

      Thanks for writing that! I totally agree with you!

    • Grace_F

      Posted by Grace_F on June 15, 2013 at 06:57

      Not when i said serious i meant I am looking into having a future with him, into getting married! NOT sex!!!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Cyndi on June 7, 2013 at 19:17

      My parents told me that I was not able to date until I was sixteen, and I am glad for that. There are many boys who I would have been happy to date, but because of that limitation I didn’t. I can honestly saw to my fiancee that he is my first love, and that is so special. I know you believe you are mature enough, and indeed you probably are, to be in a lasting relationship, but you need to ask yourself if you would be ready to be married to him tomorrow. I don’t mean throw a wedding, but to support him emotionally and spiritually and physically. To hug him when he has a bad day at work, and make dinner, and do the taxes, and fix everything that will inevitably go wrong with your house. You are a young girl and not ready for those responsibilities, so take time to be a kid while you can. And, personally, I fell in live with my fiancee, and he with me, months before we started dating.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Audioscars on June 5, 2013 at 18:21

      I too had a boyfriend at a young age that i dated for a while and was really serious. He even proposed to me a couple times. This was when i was 14-15. I didn’t know at the time, but i was too young. I just wanted someone to love me. But you will find him someday. Those thoughts in your head telling you it won’t happen, and your not good enough is just satan trying to get to you. I recently read something in John 4:16-21. It basically explains that God is love. So we should love. It’s okay. But since God is love he should be the center of the relationship. (cause you have love in the relationship and God is love) and you should also wait for the right love. If the relationship isn’t soley based off God than it isn’t real love. It’s worldly love and that’s not the same. It is conditional and it is not pure. That being said if it IS real, Godly love. Then you will find it at the right time (on Gods time) And you won’t have to search for it. Or worry about it. Or try to force it on yourself. THAT is love. That being said, there is also a quote i really like “young love is the most pure love, because they arent worried about if they’re going to be a good parent, or make enough money. They really do care.” So what i’m trying to say is that young love isn’t bad. Just make sure it is Gidly, real love. And not love of the world:)

      • Deportistachica99

        Posted by Deportistachica99 on August 8, 2013 at 07:30

        I think that a lot of when you should date depends on the two people involved’s maturity. AND DON’T SAY LIKE FRESHMAN ARE NOT MATURE! Some of my friends are older than me, like juniors and seniors (I’m a freshman) and if you saw us hanging out, you wouldn’t really be able to tell that I’m like two years younger than the rest of them. One of my friends has been dating this guy from the start if their freshman year, so now they’ve been together for three years. Her boyfriend is this GREAT guy. I’ve decided that there’s not a certain age that I want to date at, but I think if I find a good, Godly guy that my parents approve of, I might date him, if that makes sense. And I think a lot of you guys ^ are thinking all about how your gonna be more easily tempted to have sex if you date when your say, 14, which is NOT TRUE. I’m 14, and I have absolutely no desire to even kiss a guy, and believe me, I know a lot of 14 year olds who would stand their ground and not have sex.

    • so_shedances

      Posted by so_shedances on June 4, 2013 at 22:30

      I agree with Grace_F to an extent, but I understand where many of you who are disagreeing with her are coming from. I don’t like to make huge generalizations because each person is different. Everyone grows and experiences life at different stages. To me, fourteen/fifteen is a bit young to be dating, but if she sought God in prayer and He led her to be in this relationship, then she doesn’t have any reason to listen to any opposing opinion. I agree with Aurelia16 when she said that God’s timing matters, not age. There is one problem though. You said your mom approves of you dating, but your dad doesn’t. Personally, I feel as though the both of them would need to be on the same page before I dated, but that’s just me.

    • kaityygirl123

      Posted by kaityygirl123 on May 22, 2013 at 07:57

      I definitely agree @Grace_F. Dating should be fun if you enjoy spending time together. Waiting to date isn’t going to help you. I think it’s ok to date when you feel you are ready and feel you are mature enough. You shouldn’t date just to date and I agree with that but if you like someone then you should try to get to know them.

    • K577sarahb

      Posted by K577sarahb on May 16, 2013 at 18:01

      i have to say that i have made a big mistake in my life. i dated a boy when i was 10! i thought i was “in love” but it dosent matter at all anymore! for everyone out there dont date for the publicity…date because you love the guy with all your heart and if he loves you the same back then intend on marrige:)

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by crazylizlol on May 15, 2013 at 13:15

      I’m totally with you grace! I’m 14 an I have a boyfriend! If I was old enough I would definitely marry him! Maturity comes at different ages and some people can date earlier then others!

    • Deportistachica99

      Posted by Deportistachica99 on May 12, 2013 at 11:28

      Umm… you’re aware there are only 31 Proverbs, rights?

    • kimberlykoch_123

      Posted by kimberlykoch_123 on May 9, 2013 at 11:38

      i agree with you Grace !!!!!!!!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by OliviaRuth on May 8, 2013 at 16:28

      Hi Grace! I have to say, I definitely do not agree with you.

      Since you’re a freshman, I’m guessing you’re probably 14 or 15. That is way too young! When I was a freshman, I too thought that I would be totally ready to date and that I was mature enough for a relationship. Now that I’m 18, I realize that I was really wrong. What I thought was maturity in ninth grade was not truly maturity. It’s not just about “feeling” mature, it’s about actually being mature, which does not happen as a freshman. Even at 18, I don’t know if I would be 100% ready for a relationship. You will change, and grow up, as high school goes on. You won’t be totally the same person you are now.

      When you date someone, you need to be sure of who you are, but more importantly, you need to have a firm relationship with Christ. You have to be COMPLETELY content in him. A relationship with another man must not be your number one desire. You have to be seeking God with your whole heart, and so does he.

      To be “taking a relationship seriously” means dating for the purpose of marriage. That is what dating is for! “Taking it seriously” does not mean getting emotionally attached or intimate, that only sets you up for heartbreak, especially at your age. Are you really ready for marriage? Or course not, it’s not even legal! Can you really see yourself living together with this guy the rest of your life? Even if you can, I think it’s best to finish growing up on your own. If it is truly God’s will, then He will bring you guys back together. But come on, what is the likelihood that you will marry him? Because the sole purpose of dating is to prepare yourself for marriage, TO THAT PERSON. Not to gain experience with guys.

      See, heartbreaks are not “most likely still going to” happen, IF, you date correctly. Dating just to date, however, WILL lead to heartbreaks. You make it sound as if you assume that you will eventually have you heartbroken. I’m telling you, IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! When you date only for the purpose of marriage, it’s not guaranteed, but you are sooo much less likely to have your heartbroken, because you’re dating very carefully, intentionally, and selectively.

      Again, based on when you said that “you are most likely still going to have heartbreaks” it sounds like you don’t think this relationship is going to last and that you are inevitably going to have your heartbroken. Well, if this is the case, you need to break up! I’m sorry, but if something tells you that it’s not going to work out, or if something doesn’t feel right, you need to end it. No matter how painful it is. You could have avoided pain by not dating said person in the first place.

      One last think, you implied that your dad wasn’t really okay with you dating this guy. God calls us to honor our parents, no matter what. So if your dad doesn’t want you dating, even though your mom is okay with it, I think you need to end the relationship to best honor him and also God.

      I’m sorry if this sounds really harsh or mean or attacking, but I just really wanted to speak some truth! It might not be what you wanted to hear, but it’s the honest truth. It’s my prayer that this helps someone out there! But whatever you do, do it prayerfully and make sure that you are honoring God and your parents in every decision. And I’m praying for you!

      • Grace_F

        Posted by Grace_F on June 15, 2013 at 07:04

        Also my Dad is okay with it now. My older sister had a boyfriend that turned out to be a really bad person. So he’s really over protective

      • Grace_F

        Posted by Grace_F on June 15, 2013 at 07:01

        And when i said “you are most likely going to get your heart broken” I meant people on average. I am 100% confidant that I will be fine

      • Grace_F

        Posted by Grace_F on June 15, 2013 at 06:59

        That is what i meant by seriously! Not sex but marriage!

      • maddforjesus

        Posted by maddforjesus on May 12, 2013 at 09:11

        I agree 100%, Olivia Ruth! And Grace, I’m the same age as you. And believe me when I say that you’re not old enough to be in a relationship. Maturity that is okay for dating, I think, is late high school, early college. Although maturity doesn’t start at the same time for everyone, it begins around 17 or 18, sometimes even 19 or 20. You’re still a kid; don’t wish your childhood away just yet. You only have a couple of years left & then you’re legally and adult!

    • Madd

      Posted by Madd on May 6, 2013 at 13:12

      I totally do not agree with you, Grace. A 14 year old is not mature enough to be dating. Kids think they are, but at 14, you still have a lot of growing up to do. Why do think you need a boyfriend at your age? It’s not like you can get married yet (although you could get pregnant now and where would that get you?). You need to realize that taking things seriously could get too serious. You’re young and have plenty of time for a relationship when you’re older and more mature.

      • Grace_F

        Posted by Grace_F on June 15, 2013 at 06:54

        YOu honestly think I’m going to get pregnant? Now THAT is offensive. Honestly, I would rather die than lose my virginity before marriage, marriage through the Church.

      • Aurelia16

        Posted by Aurelia16 on May 8, 2013 at 20:19

        Um, wow. That’s pretty heavy there. Every person is different, and God’s will for every person is different as well. While I personally would have been too immature to date at 14, that’s mostly because I was incredibly naive and still believed in Santa Claus. When you enter a serious relationship, no matter how old you are, it ages you and makes you more mature. Oftentimes God wants that. I think Grace is perfectly okay dating so long as her parents agree and she and they think it’s God’s will. Is it going to last? Probably not. Will she learn something and grow? Absolutely. Age doesn’t matter, God’s timing does.

      • Project Inspired

        Posted by kc2016 on May 8, 2013 at 14:47

        While 14 is a little young to be in a serious relationship you can’t just assume that she is going to get pregnant. Being in a serious relationship doesn’t automatically mean sex is involved.

      • Shanell Elise is back

        Posted by Shanell Elise is back on May 8, 2013 at 08:31

        I have to agree with Madd. 16 is a good age to date. Also why are you dating him? Can you see a future with him? 14 is a close age to 13 and 13 to 12, wait at least till your 15.

    • Kalen

      Posted by Kalen on May 5, 2013 at 14:05

      I totally Agree Grace! If both people are taking it seriously then it can be a good thing!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by KaylaHansa on May 3, 2013 at 18:09

      Sorry that comment was meant as a reply to you. I’ll just repost it:

      Not to criticize you, but I’m just wondering… are you dating your current boyfriend with intentions of marriage? Because if you aren’t, then why are you dating him?
      (I’m sorry if I sound mean- getting the right tone across on the internet is pretty hard!)

      • Grace_F

        Posted by Grace_F on June 15, 2013 at 06:48

        That’s what I meant when I said I take it seriously; I have an intention to marry him in the future.