fbpx

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy here!

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy now!

  • Relationships
  • News From Nicole
More

    Because I CAN by PI Girl Monika

    First, let me start with the basics (like literally right now as I write this). I’m 18, have never dated, never been kissed, never held hands or…well, you probably get the picture: Extra Virgin. I have one week left in my first semester as a college freshman and am pretty much the only one in the group of friends I’ve known since fifth grade who isn’t engaged or in an serious relationship or pregnant. Funny thing is: I am perfectly okay with that! So…where am I going with this? Well, first of all, I’m not going to tell you the right and wrong way to do things (as stated above, I have next to no experience). In fact, this note is partly to whoever is reading this and partly just a personal rededication of a promise to my future husband I made when I was 13. So I’m just going to go ahead and get right to it.

    SEX IS EVERYWHERE. Seriously, every single day, whether positive or negative, sexuality makes an appearance in our lives. On TV, at school, Bible study, the Internet…it has its way of getting around. Maybe it’s because it’s natural? See, in the beginning, God made us to be sexual beings (Genesis 2:24). You know, the same time when He saw what He created and saw that it was good. God made men and women to want each other, and that’s a beautiful thing! However, in today’s day and age, sex is often considered a hobby (kinda like arts and crafts or football) and not the sacred thing that it really is. To say that you’re waiting for marriage can be social suicide in secular circles. “Wait…seriously?” “So are you, like, religious then?” You know you’ve heard these before. Now please, just hear me out—and know that I believe 100 percent that sex is BEAUTIFUL, created by GOD, for MARRIAGE—but what if we put aside Christianity, spirituality and religion for a minute and consider other aspects of premarital sex?

    So why wait if it’s not for religious reasons? For one thing: STDs. Everywhere we go there are posters and billboards advertising the huge, and constantly growing, issue of sexually transmitted diseases. Personally, this doesn’t make sleeping around seem appealing at all. Seriously, it’s like if beaches decided to advertise sharks.

    Anyway, moving right along…how about our hearts? The original meaning of sex (or sexual intercourse) is to be connected with someone in more than just a physical manner. It literally means to become one, to be joined together in body, mind and spirit. Sex is the closest connection it’s possible to have with someone. Do you really want to be that close with someone other than the person you’ll someday pledge your life to? I understand that in today’s society it’s not considered that different from making out, and the chances that the person you marry will have already been with someone are pretty high, but in all honesty, wouldn’t you want to be the only one?

    How about “Because I CAN”? Fact of the matter is God created sex for marriage, but He has also given us the power to choose (there are a ton of verses about free will; e.g., Joshua 24:15). The Bible warns about being sexually immoral (1 Corinthians 6:18), but in the end it’s my choice. It’s up to me if I decide to do things the world’s way or God’s way. I am choosing to wait BECAUSE I CAN and it actually has nothing to do with religion or statistics: I have chosen purity because I LOVE him. Because on our wedding night, myself is the best gift I can give.

    Isn’t it funny that the same society that strongly encourages being different also strongly encourages you to be just like everyone else? In the book of Corinthians, Paul said, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify.” (1 Corinthians 10:2) Again, it’s our choice. Casual sex might be acceptable and pleasurable, but what are the benefits? Giving a piece of yourself away to feel good for an hour?

    Like I said before, this note is partly for you and partly just a personal rededication of a promise I made to my future husband.

    The part for you: It’s your choice. Don’t let others decide a decision for only you to make. I challenge you to make up your mind now, before others have the chance to influence your choices. If purity is your choice, write down your boundaries and be specific. Have a idea of what you want before you are thrust into a position where you have to decide on the spot.

    The rededication:

    Dear Future Husband,

    Every day purity is a choice we have to make

    and I choose you, on our wedding night. I am waiting.

    I pray that you are, too. If you’ve already given yourself away,

    I understand and will not judge you in any way.

    I want you to know that you’re the only one I want. I may not be

    your first, but I want you to be mine. I love you and I believe that

    love is stronger than temptation: I choose you.

    Xoxo.

    27 COMMENTS

    1. I like this article except for the end Where she regurgitates the already overused double standard put upon Christian girls. That we should save ourselves for marriage but it’s totally cool that the guy doesn’t have to be a virgin. No because you should just forget the fact that he was a player before he became a Christian. Seriously We’re worth more than that you should have high enough standards for yourself, to demand that you be the only girl you’re husband loses it to as well. I’m saving it until marriage but you better believe he has to be a virgin too end of story no exceptions.

    2. I’m 17 years old and have also never been in a relationship or had my first kiss. I don’t understand why this society makes such a big deal about this sort of thing. Some might say it’s extreme, but I honestly don’t even want to have my first kiss until my wedding day. What is even the point of marriage if people ruin all the magic of it by doing things before getting married? I mean, sure there’s been times where I’ve really wanted to just be in a relationship, but those are the times when you just need to trust that God has someone specifically for you and nothing is going to stop you from finding them at the RIGHT time and place, so just relax, enjoy the freedoms of being single, and just wait on God (:

      • I am 17 too; never been kissed, never been in a serious relationship. I’ve sometimes pondered the idea of waiting until the day I get married to have my first kiss, but, in the end, I usually decide against it. First of all, my Mom has even told me in a discussion of the topic, how would you know if you have chemistry? I didn’t know what to say to that and ended up simply agreeing. What would your response be? Also, how do you keep the strength to trust in the Lord?
        I am all for what you’re doing! 🙂 I just want to know how you do it?

    3. This is a really good article. Thank you for writing it. I am the same as you. 18, never “anything” and a PK 😛 (which shouldn’t really have anything to do with it, but it does in some’ eyes). Good job, good thoughts, and inspiring. Would love to see other articles from you! 😉

    4. Loved this article and the secular point of view, I have also never been kissed or even dated and don’t plan to for a while! This is so encouraging and awesome, thank you! 🙂

    5. Made me cry. I really needed to see this today. I have an ongoing struggle with lust as I’m sure is common, but today it hit me hard as I was on youtube and alone in the house. I used to go search out porn when in a situation like this and today I had to say out loud to myself that I wasn’t going to give in to that and then ended up getting offline for a while cause the desire was so strong. I told God that for some reason today the short pleasures of sin seemed more appealing than the long term happiness I’m supposed to have when I follow God. But this was such a great reminder to me! I love thinking of how purity is a gift to give to my husband and how sin has no hold on me now so I can choose to keep away from sin!

    6. I’ll start by saying that, of course, the decision to have sex or not is entirely yours, you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you one way or another, and it’s terrible to be rejected from social groups for your personal choices on something as ridiculous as this (your choices about your sex life). It’s your own life, and it’s up to you to decide how you want to live it. (And if your friends judge you for your choice, you could probably benefit from finding some better friends.)

      Yes, sex is everywhere. Sex is everywhere in the media because it’s one thing that’s appealing to almost everyone. Humans are sexual creatures that…think sex is pretty awesome.
      …but how exactly is it “sacred?” I mean, from a non-religious view, if you aren’t doing this for religion…

      Of course, STDs (and pregnancy) are a risk of sex. Car accidents are a risk of riding in a car. Having your house broken into is a risk of having a house. This doesn’t stop you from doing these things, does it? Like we’ve developed seat belts and airbags in cars, and door locks and security systems for houses, we’ve developed protection from the risks of sex, which, when used correctly, are pretty effective.
      STDs can also be spread in marriage, though, too. Say your future mother-in-law has, for example, herpes, and it is spread to your future husband when he’s born. It can later be spread to you, and even if neither of you have sex with anyone else, you now have herpes. It doesn’t even stop there, it could spread to your children as well. Would that be a deciding factor on your decision to marry him—that he has an STD?
      (I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but I’d also like to point out that not waiting for marriage is not exactly the same as sleeping around.)
      And if beaches advertised shark safety, I think I’d understand. “If you see a shark, keep calm. Remember, sharks are actually gentle creatures, despite what Jaws would make you think.” 😉

      Actually, I think the original purpose of sex is to reproduce, humans simply attach more meaning to it and enjoy it because of the pleasure… I’m not exactly sure how close you really have to be to have sex (and enjoy it), either.
      I wouldn’t care if the person I married had been with 0 people or 100, (though, admittedly, both might be a little intimidating…) because I don’t view people as objects that are simply used once and after that they’re broken or missing some part of themselves, or worth less in some way. That’s all I can think when I see things like this, honestly. There’s no physical body part called “virginity;” you aren’t losing anything when you have sex. And I don’t view my body as an object to give on my wedding night.
      I agree that society is rather strange in their promotion of the “be yourself, as long as yourself is exactly like this!” message…
      I think pleasure is a pretty good benefit…considering that’s one of, really, the only two things people actually have sex for, isn’t it? (Some sort of pleasure, whether it’s physical or emotional, that is.)
      And even if we go with this notion that you’re “giving a piece of yourself away,” think of all the times you’ve spent money on anything purely for enjoyment. Say you have a job and worked for that money, is it really that different?
      Okay, but now I’m confused, Monika, because you said it had nothing to do with your religion and was about the risks and bodily worth…but then you went back and said that those things don’t have anything to do with it and you’ve made your choice because of your religious beliefs. Did I just not understand properly…?
      Anyway, this is just my $0.02 on the issue, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt. 😀

      • Although I may have interpreted it wrong, I believe that she meant that, although she mainly chose to stay pure because of her religious beliefs, there are several reasons IN ADDITION to them that have influenced her as well.

      • I agree it is your choice and no one should be judged or rejected based on choices. I believe she is waiting (and so am I) because, as she stated, sex is the most intimate, beautiful, personal, passionate, and close connection one can have with a person. And she (and I) want that connection only with one person who has sworn his love to her for the rest of her life. I don’t want to give pieces of myself away to one-night-stands and random people I meet in life and people who might just take that piece of me and walk away. I want to give all the pieces of myself to the man who has committed himself to me for life. Just my two bits, though.

    7. I am in deep respect for this letter, but It makes me feel so guilty. I’ve done basically everything except letting anyone touch me bad places (I have been touched there without my consent by a boy before though) and actually having sex and heavy foreplay, because I didn’t want to give away my purity when I was so young (I’ve even been asked to have sex before, & I was like, 13!). I even did some of those things when I was only like 11, 12, or 13. I had my first kiss when I was literally 11, and even had a boy play with my hair in a ‘sexual’ way multiple times. So if she’s an Extra Virgin, I’m a Barely Virgin. I feel like a such bad person, even though I know Jesus’ blood has covered me and my sin. I’ve been exposed to so much, and already experienced so much of what was supposed to be saved for one man, that I can’t bring myself to make a promise to keep myself pure until marriage. It’s like I want to because I know it’s the right thing, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve always struggled with this. When I hear talks & things about this topic, I sit and nod my head because I truly agree, but I don’t think I’ll ever actually be able to make that commitment, and it’s making me feel all the more guilty & sinful.

    8. I am in deep respect for this letter, but It makes me feel so guilty. I’ve done basically everything except letting anyone touch me bad places (I have been touched there without my consent by a boy before though) and actually having sex and heavy foreplay, because I didn’t want to give away my purity when I was so young (I’ve even been asked to have sex before, & I was like, 13!). I even did some of those things when I was only like 11, 12, or 13. I’ve dated in secret and deceived my parents. I had my first kiss when I was literally 11, and even had a boy play with my hair in a ‘sexual’ way multiple times. So if she’s an Extra Virgin, I’m a Barely Virgin. I feel like a such bad person, even though I know Jesus’ blood has covered me and my sin. I’ve been exposed to so much, and already experienced so much of what was supposed to be saved for one man, that I can’t bring myself to make a promise to keep myself pure until marriage. It’s like I want to because I know it’s the right thing, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve always struggled with this. When I hear talks & things about this topic, I sit and nod my head because I truly agree, but I don’t think I’ll ever actually be able to make that commitment, and it’s making me feel all the more guilty & sinful.

      • Whoa, Blonndie… there is no reason for you to feel guilty. What happened in the past happened and cannot be change! God is not going to hate you and neither will your future husband. He loves you so much, that all you need to do is repent and you’re forgiven. Of course for things that were forced, are not your fault…

        You’re not disgusting, you just have battle scars. That’s all.
        If you let Him, God can change your future for the better- the past will be there but it’s all that make you who you are.

        Xoxo

    9. Such an amazing post!!! It was really inspirational & it really helps to read something like this, when dating and sex is all around you on a daily basis, or when you’re being criticized for waiting for your husband, this really helps to keep you strong and to help you avoid temptation. It reminded me of a really beautiful song called “Hide Your Love Away” by anthem lights.

    10. Such a great article, and what a great reminder that this is our choice in a world that tries to push us one way or another. We can choose the world, or we can choose God. I choose God. We can choose temporary happiness, or waiting for my future husband on our wedding night. I choose to wait. But most importantly, I choose to wait because I love God. Because even if I’m never married, I will still wait. All things as for and unto Christ our Savior. 🙂

    11. This is a really great article! It’s crazy how people pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. I’m not even a junior in highschool, but I hope that if I am meant to marry someone, it will be a guy who loves God and lives like a follower of Christ!

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

    Read On

    Pray Out Loud: How to Get Comfortable Talking to God

    Have you ever been in a Bible study or small group with a communal prayer time, and your palms started to sweat? You dreaded...

    7 Creative Things to Do During Your Quiet Time With God

    I love my checklists. I make a neat little box next to each item I need to do that day, and I feel a...

    Country Music Star Thomas Rhett Prays Powerful Prayer During CMT Award Acceptance Speech: ‘We Love You, Jesus’

    This past week, country music star Thomas Rhett put prayer over self-praise when he accepted CMT’s Artist of the Year award at the CMT...

    “The Sin that So Easily Entangles Us”: 4 Practices for Breaking Away from Habitual Sin

    The writer of Hebrews refers to our seeking to lay aside "every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us” (see Hebrews 12:1). ...

    5 Inspirational Hollywood Celebrities Who Are Talking About Faith This Year

    Hollywood has a bad rep for being a secular, godless place, an environment where being a Christian is considered completely taboo. Although this can...

    Subscribe!

    Stay connected with Project Inspired.