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Love

Because I CAN by PI Girl Monika

First, let me start with the basics (like literally right now as I write this). I’m 18, have never dated, never been kissed, never held hands or…well, you probably get the picture: Extra Virgin. I have one week left in my first semester as a college freshman and am pretty much the only one in the group of friends I’ve known since fifth grade who isn’t engaged or in an serious relationship or pregnant. Funny thing is: I am perfectly okay with that! So…where am I going with this? Well, first of all, I’m not going to tell you the right and wrong way to do things (as stated above, I have next to no experience). In fact, this note is partly to whoever is reading this and partly just a personal rededication of a promise to my future husband I made when I was 13. So I’m just going to go ahead and get right to it.

SEX IS EVERYWHERE. Seriously, every single day, whether positive or negative, sexuality makes an appearance in our lives. On TV, at school, Bible study, the Internet…it has its way of getting around. Maybe it’s because it’s natural? See, in the beginning, God made us to be sexual beings (Genesis 2:24). You know, the same time when He saw what He created and saw that it was good. God made men and women to want each other, and that’s a beautiful thing! However, in today’s day and age, sex is often considered a hobby (kinda like arts and crafts or football) and not the sacred thing that it really is. To say that you’re waiting for marriage can be social suicide in secular circles. “Wait…seriously?” “So are you, like, religious then?” You know you’ve heard these before. Now please, just hear me out—and know that I believe 100 percent that sex is BEAUTIFUL, created by GOD, for MARRIAGE—but what if we put aside Christianity, spirituality and religion for a minute and consider other aspects of premarital sex?

So why wait if it’s not for religious reasons? For one thing: STDs. Everywhere we go there are posters and billboards advertising the huge, and constantly growing, issue of sexually transmitted diseases. Personally, this doesn’t make sleeping around seem appealing at all. Seriously, it’s like if beaches decided to advertise sharks.

Anyway, moving right along…how about our hearts? The original meaning of sex (or sexual intercourse) is to be connected with someone in more than just a physical manner. It literally means to become one, to be joined together in body, mind and spirit. Sex is the closest connection it’s possible to have with someone. Do you really want to be that close with someone other than the person you’ll someday pledge your life to? I understand that in today’s society it’s not considered that different from making out, and the chances that the person you marry will have already been with someone are pretty high, but in all honesty, wouldn’t you want to be the only one?

How about “Because I CAN”? Fact of the matter is God created sex for marriage, but He has also given us the power to choose (there are a ton of verses about free will; e.g., Joshua 24:15). The Bible warns about being sexually immoral (1 Corinthians 6:18), but in the end it’s my choice. It’s up to me if I decide to do things the world’s way or God’s way. I am choosing to wait BECAUSE I CAN and it actually has nothing to do with religion or statistics: I have chosen purity because I LOVE him. Because on our wedding night, myself is the best gift I can give.

Isn’t it funny that the same society that strongly encourages being different also strongly encourages you to be just like everyone else? In the book of Corinthians, Paul said, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify.” (1 Corinthians 10:2) Again, it’s our choice. Casual sex might be acceptable and pleasurable, but what are the benefits? Giving a piece of yourself away to feel good for an hour?

Like I said before, this note is partly for you and partly just a personal rededication of a promise I made to my future husband.

The part for you: It’s your choice. Don’t let others decide a decision for only you to make. I challenge you to make up your mind now, before others have the chance to influence your choices. If purity is your choice, write down your boundaries and be specific. Have a idea of what you want before you are thrust into a position where you have to decide on the spot.

The rededication:

Dear Future Husband,

Every day purity is a choice we have to make

and I choose you, on our wedding night. I am waiting.

I pray that you are, too. If you’ve already given yourself away,

I understand and will not judge you in any way.

I want you to know that you’re the only one I want. I may not be

your first, but I want you to be mine. I love you and I believe that

love is stronger than temptation: I choose you.

Xoxo.

Image: Lightstock | Athena Grace

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27 Comments

  1. MleezaG

    Posted by MleezaG on September 21, 2016 at 09:34

    Wow, until today, I never knew that this was published! Thanks for all the love, ladies!!

  2. KateSonrisa

    Posted by KateSonrisa on January 12, 2015 at 16:12

    Thanks for writing this article. 🙂 I personally have made similar commitments about my own purity and it’s nice to be encouraged and know that I’m not the only one my age to do that.

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by HopeforHeaven303 on January 10, 2015 at 06:01

    This is a really great article! It’s crazy how people pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. I’m not even a junior in highschool, but I hope that if I am meant to marry someone, it will be a guy who loves God and lives like a follower of Christ!

  4. Shyanned

    Posted by Shyanned on January 4, 2015 at 10:20

    Amen

  5. Speak4Elohim

    Posted by Speak4Elohim on December 19, 2014 at 09:32

    Such a great article, and what a great reminder that this is our choice in a world that tries to push us one way or another. We can choose the world, or we can choose God. I choose God. We can choose temporary happiness, or waiting for my future husband on our wedding night. I choose to wait. But most importantly, I choose to wait because I love God. Because even if I’m never married, I will still wait. All things as for and unto Christ our Savior. 🙂

  6. tomboy_loves_Tigers

    Posted by tomboy_loves_Tigers on December 18, 2014 at 17:41

    Amen to this.
    This is awesome. Thank you for this post, it’s just the inspiration I needed to hear. We all have to help each other fight the good fight.

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by Salotespeaks on December 18, 2014 at 13:09

    Love it!

  8. Hymnsinger99

    Posted by Hymnsinger99 on December 17, 2014 at 12:12

    Such an amazing post!!! It was really inspirational & it really helps to read something like this, when dating and sex is all around you on a daily basis, or when you’re being criticized for waiting for your husband, this really helps to keep you strong and to help you avoid temptation. It reminded me of a really beautiful song called “Hide Your Love Away” by anthem lights.

  9. blonndie

    Posted by blonndie on December 16, 2014 at 11:55

    whoa that posted twice…sorry lol!!!

  10. blonndie

    Posted by blonndie on December 16, 2014 at 11:54

    I am in deep respect for this letter, but It makes me feel so guilty. I’ve done basically everything except letting anyone touch me bad places (I have been touched there without my consent by a boy before though) and actually having sex and heavy foreplay, because I didn’t want to give away my purity when I was so young (I’ve even been asked to have sex before, & I was like, 13!). I even did some of those things when I was only like 11, 12, or 13. I’ve dated in secret and deceived my parents. I had my first kiss when I was literally 11, and even had a boy play with my hair in a ‘sexual’ way multiple times. So if she’s an Extra Virgin, I’m a Barely Virgin. I feel like a such bad person, even though I know Jesus’ blood has covered me and my sin. I’ve been exposed to so much, and already experienced so much of what was supposed to be saved for one man, that I can’t bring myself to make a promise to keep myself pure until marriage. It’s like I want to because I know it’s the right thing, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve always struggled with this. When I hear talks & things about this topic, I sit and nod my head because I truly agree, but I don’t think I’ll ever actually be able to make that commitment, and it’s making me feel all the more guilty & sinful.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Raelonger on December 17, 2014 at 12:02

      Whoa, Blonndie… there is no reason for you to feel guilty. What happened in the past happened and cannot be change! God is not going to hate you and neither will your future husband. He loves you so much, that all you need to do is repent and you’re forgiven. Of course for things that were forced, are not your fault…

      You’re not disgusting, you just have battle scars. That’s all.
      If you let Him, God can change your future for the better- the past will be there but it’s all that make you who you are.

      Xoxo

  11. blonndie

    Posted by blonndie on December 16, 2014 at 11:52

    I am in deep respect for this letter, but It makes me feel so guilty. I’ve done basically everything except letting anyone touch me bad places (I have been touched there without my consent by a boy before though) and actually having sex and heavy foreplay, because I didn’t want to give away my purity when I was so young (I’ve even been asked to have sex before, & I was like, 13!). I even did some of those things when I was only like 11, 12, or 13. I had my first kiss when I was literally 11, and even had a boy play with my hair in a ‘sexual’ way multiple times. So if she’s an Extra Virgin, I’m a Barely Virgin. I feel like a such bad person, even though I know Jesus’ blood has covered me and my sin. I’ve been exposed to so much, and already experienced so much of what was supposed to be saved for one man, that I can’t bring myself to make a promise to keep myself pure until marriage. It’s like I want to because I know it’s the right thing, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve always struggled with this. When I hear talks & things about this topic, I sit and nod my head because I truly agree, but I don’t think I’ll ever actually be able to make that commitment, and it’s making me feel all the more guilty & sinful.

  12. rainbowuni

    Posted by rainbowuni on December 15, 2014 at 15:28

    I’ll start by saying that, of course, the decision to have sex or not is entirely yours, you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you one way or another, and it’s terrible to be rejected from social groups for your personal choices on something as ridiculous as this (your choices about your sex life). It’s your own life, and it’s up to you to decide how you want to live it. (And if your friends judge you for your choice, you could probably benefit from finding some better friends.)

    Yes, sex is everywhere. Sex is everywhere in the media because it’s one thing that’s appealing to almost everyone. Humans are sexual creatures that…think sex is pretty awesome.
    …but how exactly is it “sacred?” I mean, from a non-religious view, if you aren’t doing this for religion…

    Of course, STDs (and pregnancy) are a risk of sex. Car accidents are a risk of riding in a car. Having your house broken into is a risk of having a house. This doesn’t stop you from doing these things, does it? Like we’ve developed seat belts and airbags in cars, and door locks and security systems for houses, we’ve developed protection from the risks of sex, which, when used correctly, are pretty effective.
    STDs can also be spread in marriage, though, too. Say your future mother-in-law has, for example, herpes, and it is spread to your future husband when he’s born. It can later be spread to you, and even if neither of you have sex with anyone else, you now have herpes. It doesn’t even stop there, it could spread to your children as well. Would that be a deciding factor on your decision to marry him—that he has an STD?
    (I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but I’d also like to point out that not waiting for marriage is not exactly the same as sleeping around.)
    And if beaches advertised shark safety, I think I’d understand. “If you see a shark, keep calm. Remember, sharks are actually gentle creatures, despite what Jaws would make you think.” 😉

    Actually, I think the original purpose of sex is to reproduce, humans simply attach more meaning to it and enjoy it because of the pleasure… I’m not exactly sure how close you really have to be to have sex (and enjoy it), either.
    I wouldn’t care if the person I married had been with 0 people or 100, (though, admittedly, both might be a little intimidating…) because I don’t view people as objects that are simply used once and after that they’re broken or missing some part of themselves, or worth less in some way. That’s all I can think when I see things like this, honestly. There’s no physical body part called “virginity;” you aren’t losing anything when you have sex. And I don’t view my body as an object to give on my wedding night.
    I agree that society is rather strange in their promotion of the “be yourself, as long as yourself is exactly like this!” message…
    I think pleasure is a pretty good benefit…considering that’s one of, really, the only two things people actually have sex for, isn’t it? (Some sort of pleasure, whether it’s physical or emotional, that is.)
    And even if we go with this notion that you’re “giving a piece of yourself away,” think of all the times you’ve spent money on anything purely for enjoyment. Say you have a job and worked for that money, is it really that different?
    Okay, but now I’m confused, Monika, because you said it had nothing to do with your religion and was about the risks and bodily worth…but then you went back and said that those things don’t have anything to do with it and you’ve made your choice because of your religious beliefs. Did I just not understand properly…?
    Anyway, this is just my $0.02 on the issue, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt. 😀

    • ktuck22

      Posted by ktuck22 on December 17, 2014 at 14:59

      I agree it is your choice and no one should be judged or rejected based on choices. I believe she is waiting (and so am I) because, as she stated, sex is the most intimate, beautiful, personal, passionate, and close connection one can have with a person. And she (and I) want that connection only with one person who has sworn his love to her for the rest of her life. I don’t want to give pieces of myself away to one-night-stands and random people I meet in life and people who might just take that piece of me and walk away. I want to give all the pieces of myself to the man who has committed himself to me for life. Just my two bits, though.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by mssarahemily on December 16, 2014 at 20:57

      Although I may have interpreted it wrong, I believe that she meant that, although she mainly chose to stay pure because of her religious beliefs, there are several reasons IN ADDITION to them that have influenced her as well.

  13. sportslover

    Posted by sportslover on December 15, 2014 at 15:25

    Made me cry. I really needed to see this today. I have an ongoing struggle with lust as I’m sure is common, but today it hit me hard as I was on youtube and alone in the house. I used to go search out porn when in a situation like this and today I had to say out loud to myself that I wasn’t going to give in to that and then ended up getting offline for a while cause the desire was so strong. I told God that for some reason today the short pleasures of sin seemed more appealing than the long term happiness I’m supposed to have when I follow God. But this was such a great reminder to me! I love thinking of how purity is a gift to give to my husband and how sin has no hold on me now so I can choose to keep away from sin!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by HopeforHeaven303 on January 10, 2015 at 06:07

      I totally understand where you are coming from. I struggle with that too. I’ll pray for you!!!!!

  14. Project Inspired

    Posted by missanonymous on December 15, 2014 at 15:24

    Such an encouraging post. I’m 15 and an extra virgin as well;) Love hearing about older girls who have made it without that stuff!

  15. Smylinggirl

    Posted by Smylinggirl on December 15, 2014 at 10:19

    One word: WOW.

  16. myhero7

    Posted by myhero7 on December 15, 2014 at 08:46

    Loved this article and the secular point of view, I have also never been kissed or even dated and don’t plan to for a while! This is so encouraging and awesome, thank you! 🙂

  17. ktuck22

    Posted by ktuck22 on December 15, 2014 at 06:51

    This. This is perfect.

  18. heyheyitsgabe

    Posted by heyheyitsgabe on December 14, 2014 at 23:07

    This is a really good article. Thank you for writing it. I am the same as you. 18, never “anything” and a PK 😛 (which shouldn’t really have anything to do with it, but it does in some’ eyes). Good job, good thoughts, and inspiring. Would love to see other articles from you! 😉

  19. Nicocolioli

    Posted by Nicocolioli on December 14, 2014 at 18:20

    I’m 17 years old and have also never been in a relationship or had my first kiss. I don’t understand why this society makes such a big deal about this sort of thing. Some might say it’s extreme, but I honestly don’t even want to have my first kiss until my wedding day. What is even the point of marriage if people ruin all the magic of it by doing things before getting married? I mean, sure there’s been times where I’ve really wanted to just be in a relationship, but those are the times when you just need to trust that God has someone specifically for you and nothing is going to stop you from finding them at the RIGHT time and place, so just relax, enjoy the freedoms of being single, and just wait on God (:

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by lovingthelord247 on January 18, 2015 at 11:18

      I am 17 too; never been kissed, never been in a serious relationship. I’ve sometimes pondered the idea of waiting until the day I get married to have my first kiss, but, in the end, I usually decide against it. First of all, my Mom has even told me in a discussion of the topic, how would you know if you have chemistry? I didn’t know what to say to that and ended up simply agreeing. What would your response be? Also, how do you keep the strength to trust in the Lord?
      I am all for what you’re doing! 🙂 I just want to know how you do it?

  20. Pinkypie2017

    Posted by Pinkypie2017 on December 14, 2014 at 17:56

    I like this article except for the end Where she regurgitates the already overused double standard put upon Christian girls. That we should save ourselves for marriage but it’s totally cool that the guy doesn’t have to be a virgin. No because you should just forget the fact that he was a player before he became a Christian. Seriously We’re worth more than that you should have high enough standards for yourself, to demand that you be the only girl you’re husband loses it to as well. I’m saving it until marriage but you better believe he has to be a virgin too end of story no exceptions.

  21. psitsjen

    Posted by psitsjen on December 14, 2014 at 09:30

    I loved this article. So true and very well written. I love wearing a purity ring because it gives me an opportunity to share with people my decision and why I’ve chosen it. Thank you, Monika!