“Can I Forgive Someone But Still Be Hurt?”
Written by Christi Given | February 10, 2014
Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.
Recently, a Project Inspired Girl asked about the aftereffects of forgiving someone and still feeling the sting of a hurtful situation. This is a really great question that many of us will face in life!
“My best friend and I got into a little disagreement the other day. It was really no big deal, but apparently she told her boyfriend about it, because he sent me a harsh, aggressive text message telling me to be nice or get out of his girlfriend’s life. I’ve been struggling with trying to forgive him, and I thought I had when I texted him back and told him thank you for his text, and that it had given me a chance to see God. But now I’m still feeling hurt by what he said, and a little upset with my best friend for even telling him about our argument when she knows he doesn’t like me. Can I forgive them, and yet still feel hurt?”
It’s completely natural to feel hurt because of mean words or actions, but we also need to be free in Christ and walk in love. Regarding forgiveness, we need to let go and move forward in the situation. The Word of God tells us that holding grudges, anger and bitterness is not only harmful to our bodies, but also it hurts God that we hold onto worldly things.
There are different ways to approach this situation…here are six tips to help you move forward from your hurt!
1. Remember Christ forgave us: Jesus died for ALL of our sins and iniquities. We deserve death but God sent His son to lay down His life. (“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” –1 John 3:16)
2. Hurt is different than bitterness: Ask God to heal your heart; He knows your innermost thoughts and will bind up your pain over time. Read His Word and pray to seek His healing. (“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” –Psalm 147:3)
3. Don’t keep discussing the event: The power of your words can bring health or sickness, and bring love or hate. Choose your words wisely and don’t keep talking (or thinking!) about it. Even if it hurts, pray and try your best to move forward. (“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”- Proverbs 18:21)
4. Don’t rehash the past: The Bible tells us constantly “Don’t dwell on the past…” There is a reason God has this in the Bible because He knows the power of your thoughts and the result of a bitter heart. Fix your thoughts on the lovely, pure, and positive things God is doing in your life. (Isaiah 43: 18)
5. Worship God: Think about all the things God has done for you. Don’t outweigh His blessings with the bad. God has done marvelous things for us, not only by sending Jesus to redeem us from death to life, but also He provides for us and loves us so much.
(“I will sing to the Lord for He has dealt bountifully with me.” –Psalm 13:6)
6. Ask God to heal you: Pray, seek knock and ask God to heal your heart. He will heal you in due time! (Matthew 7:7-8)
PI Girls, what are some other ways to help you move forward from your past to the future?