|   Log In

Love

Coping With Your Parents’ Divorce

Dealing with your parents’ divorce can be very difficult. You’ll need time and patience to get used to the changes that come along with this transition. Here are a few tips that might help:

  • Recognize your need to adjust. Any type of transition requires an adjustment period and this is no different. It’s okay to need time! Keep in mind that adjustment times vary from person to person, so it may take you longer (or less time) to adjust to this new reality than it might take your siblings.
  • Accept that grief is normal. It’s normal to experience grief about the divorce of your parents–after all, the divorce changes life as you knew it. Most people go through a grieving process when events like this occur. It’s okay for you to grieve; however, if you find yourself experiencing long bouts of depression, then it’s probably a good idea to talk to a trusting adult. Seeking help from a professional might be appropriate.
  • Forgive your parents. Many teenagers become angry after the divorce of their parents and may even begin to resent one or both of them. However, you should understand that sometimes grownups just can’t figure out a way to remain together happily. Although we all know that divorce is not in God’s divine plan, DON’T JUDGE YOUR PARENTS. They’re doing the best that they know how and it’s God’s responsibility, not ours, to judge others. Instead of being angry with your parents, try praying for them. They’re probably having a pretty hard time adjusting, too.
  • Remember that it’s NOT your fault! Sometimes young people internalize things and begin to believe that the divorce is their fault. This is absolutely NOT true! Your parents made a decision and it has nothing to do with you. Remember that they BOTH still love YOU, but just couldn’t figure out a way to make the marriage work with each other.
  • Use your support system. Whether it’s an aunt, teacher, friend, or cousin, allow the people who are closest to you to support you during this change. People who love you always will have a listening ear and will be quite supportive of you during this difficult time in your life.
  • Embrace the transition. The divorce will probably be pretty hard at first, but try to embrace the change. Chances are that you won’t be able to change the situation; only God can do that and only IF your parents are willing to make amends. Therefore, you should find a way to embrace your new lifestyle. If you now have new responsibilities, use it as an opportunity to show your parents what a responsible teenager they have. Or perhaps you could try new extracurricular activities to fill up newfound time. Be creative and you’ll find that your new life might not be so bad, after all.
  • Rely on God! The most important thing you can do in this situation is to ask The Holy Spirit for comfort and emotional healing, for yourself AND for your parents.

At some point, your parents may choose to remarry, which can also be a pretty difficult adjustment. When this occurs, take a few minutes to read When Your Mom/Dad Remarries: Adjusting to Step Parents for some tips on living with a blended family.

Image: Alexandra Glustsenko | Veer

POST A COMMENT

You must be logged in to post a comment.

16 Comments

  1. LL107

    Posted by LL107 on January 1, 2013 at 21:26

    My nickname is lizzy but my parents are divorced and i havent seen my dad since i was 5 years old and Now i am 11 and i still think it was my fault my dad called on my birthday but my mom did Not pick up the phone and i really wanted to talk to him and Now i am crying because i really want to ser him:'(

  2. L.Taylor

    Posted by L.Taylor on June 11, 2012 at 23:21

    I need to know how to handle the fact that I’m 15 and it JUST happened. My biggest problem is not the divorce, felling like its my fault, or not forgiving my mom. It’s my dad. When I was little and my dad did something to wrong me whether falsly getting mad or whatever, he always came to me and apologized. Now, he doesn’t even realize all that he’s done to hurt my feelings. The way he screamed at my mom scared me to death, and then before the divorce was final, but feelings had settled down my mom invited him to thanksgiving with us and he just up and left us hanging for a friend, he has always had road rage and every time he yelled and got mad at people on the road it only added to my fear to where I couldn’t even go over to his house without my older brothers which wasnt often. I always took their relationship for granted, but now I’m at the breaking point. I’ve begged God for a year to bring the back to each other, and after hopes and then let downs, I feel worse than ever before. I can’t read my bible because I’m constantly disappointed when i dont understand. I find it harder and harder to pray. Has God seen something I haven’t? Have I done something wrong to deserve this? I’m not happy in anything I do. I can do stuff to temporarily forget, but at night I’m alone with my thoughts and I have cried myself to sleep countless times. I know the whole cliche ‘it’s part of God’s plan’ but that does nothing except make it hurt worse. I’ve talked to my mom, but I don’t want to talk to my dad. I’m afraid of him. WHAT DO I DO? I’M SO LOST IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by paige a on June 14, 2012 at 19:33

      i’m 13 and my parents have been divorced for 6 years. Like you I went through a period where i was so disappointed I couldn’t really even pray and I was lost. But through time God has started a healing process and encouraged me to pray for my dad.Or ask God to please help my dad through all that is going on. It takes awhile but at night when I can’t sleep i atempt to pray for my dad and I find a calming peace through that. Hope this helps!

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by thestrongone1996 on January 12, 2012 at 20:17

    I found out about my parents getting a divorce when they told me over my birthday. I don’t know how to cope with it. I want to cry when I’m in school and when I get home, I want to be alone. It’s hard financially, emotionally, and physically. I feel like I lost touch with God in some way. I don’t want that. I just don’t understand. It’s really hard. I sometimes cry myself to sleep. It’s hard.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Bmac on June 3, 2012 at 05:05

      wow… i feel sorry for you… finding out you’re parents are divorcing is one thing…. but over your birthday… WOW! :'(
      i will be praying for you!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by kenzilynnginger on January 23, 2012 at 11:41

      my parents got divorced when i was just 3 and its been ten years i still feel mad sometimes or cry about it, but the one thing that gets you through it is God. it will be hard but you will get trough it. I will be praying for you. if you ever want to talk my email is kenzilynnginger@gmail.com

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by JennaBel on January 9, 2012 at 14:01

    My parents have been divorced for about 5 years. I was only 8 when it happened. It was very hard. Although, I wish my parents could still be together, my mom is happily remarried for 3 1/2 years now, and I have adjusted. I still wish it could be different, but this article helps me in times I still feel sad. Thank you!! 🙂

  5. lifeissuprising

    Posted by lifeissuprising on January 8, 2012 at 14:27

    What happens when they get a divorce and soon after your mom gets married to another guy and your still getting used to him?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Allison on January 12, 2012 at 12:54

      I know how that is. My mom just got engaged, and her divorce was like..2 months ago!! Hey. Don’t worry. Just trust God. they’res no magical answer to this. Ask god to bless you’re family, and give you wisom to get through. Dont worry about it, girlie. every thing is going to be okay. Don’t forget that. 🙂

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by JennaBel on January 9, 2012 at 14:02

      I know how you feel. That happened to me. You’ll adjust, don’t worry! God has this planned out for you. 🙂

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by Jesusbug15 on January 8, 2012 at 08:04

    Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for writing this! my parents got separated last year, and are getting a divorce, but it has not been finalized. I miss my dad when he didn’t come to Christmas this past one or the year before. (with his work he usually gets christmas off) It has just felt so, awkward.

  7. Paris

    Posted by Paris on January 7, 2012 at 21:51

    Great Tips! I was so close to having to use these tips.

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by Allison on January 7, 2012 at 19:58

    To anyone who is going through this, God is with you. My parents are divorced and I didn’t think I could do it. i didn’t think I could get through. But he brought me through. And I admit, I gave up. But I jumped right back in. Don’t give up. Please. You can get through, and god has a plan for you.

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by Samantha on January 7, 2012 at 18:05

    Great article! My parents are divorced and it was very hard on me. Really just pray and remember that they will always love you.

  10. Project Inspired

    Posted by Samantha on January 7, 2012 at 18:03

    Great article! My parents are divorced and it was very hard on me. Really just pray and remember that they will always love you. And

  11. Project Inspired

    Posted by Monica on January 7, 2012 at 16:39

    My parents aren’t divorced.(Thank God). But some of my friends have divorced parents and I feel really bad for them. In fact, I like to pray for divorced families around the world (especially the children) because it just breaks my heart. 🙂