Dating Roundtable: “Love Is Not a Feeling”

    Jaimie Ramsey

    Different people have different perspectives on dating and courtship, which determine our priorities for relationships. Personally, I prefer a courtship model for relationships rather than the typical idea of dating. Many people see dating as a pastime, something to do simply for the fun of it. I believe that dating/courtship is best used as a prelude for marriage. I’ll get into that shortly!

    I also have a Bible-based view of dating and courtship. In all things, it’s best to do things God’s way. The Bible contains guidelines for how we should treat each other, loving each other in response to Christ’s incredible love for us.

    Five Rules for Relationships:

    1. Determine your purpose. If you’re only dating for the fun of it, what’s the point? Ideally, in entering a serious relationship you will be doing so in order to prepare to marry that person. Think about it this way: When you start dating, there are only two possible conclusions to the relationship–breaking up or getting married. Breaking up is no fun, so why date if you don’t intend for the relationship to be permanent?

    2. Keep your families involved. If at all possible, spend time with your family and your significant other’s regularly. Eat meals together, go to museums or parks together, and maybe spend some time together during holidays. This is especially helpful if you are indeed preparing for marriage.

    3. Set boundaries and keep them. This should be pretty obvious, but it’s so important! When it comes to physical stuff, what is acceptable and what is not? Obviously sex is not an option, but consider other expressions of physical affection. Are you going to save kissing for after engagement or even until your wedding day?

    My best advice is this: stay vertical and stay (at least mostly) public. Don’t hang out alone behind closed doors. Keep yourselves accountable (to parents, siblings or friends). It’s easier to keep your integrity and stick to your commitment to sexual purity if you have others encouraging you and keeping you accountable.

    4. Learn what it really means to love. “Love” is not a feeling. Choose to love someone whether or not they always act in a loving manner toward you. Love is selfless—you shouldn’t be in a relationship for what you can get out of it, but for what you can give the other person. Learn how to truly respect your significant other. Remember, love comes from God and it’s only possible to love one another when we have His love in our hearts. Read the following passages to learn how Jesus loves us: John 13:34-35, 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 3.

    5. Keep both eyes wide open. Learn as much about the other person as you can. What things do you agree about? On what topics do you disagree? Do your personalities mesh? Is there anything about your significant other that gives you some considerable doubt? If you intend to marry them, seek wisdom: from your parents, from wise adults (preferably ones who have a healthy marriage) and especially from Scripture. As much as your families should be part of your relationship, God needs to be a bigger part. In fact, He needs to be at the center of your relationship: now, as you determine whether or not you want to make a lifetime commitment to each other, and in the future if and when you get married. Every relationship can reach its full potential when God is the center and the focus of that relationship.

    To tie it all together: When it comes to relationships, determine your purpose, keep your families involved, set boundaries, learn how to love and keep your eyes open. I can’t guarantee your relationship will be perfect, but following these guidelines will help keep it strong, wise and Christ-centered.

    Jaimie Ramsey 

    Which of these 5 tips do you think is the most important?

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Speech-Bubbles MORE ON DATING: Go back to the Dating Roundtable now!


    Team Project Inspired
    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!


    1. Please only take this article as one woman’s opinion and not gospel. Although accountability and seeking advice are always good Christian ideas, a lot of this article is naive to the world we live in. Remember, Mary had Jesus right around age 14 and marriages were all arranged at that time. So there is no biblical dating. It’s never addressed and her ideas here can be dangerous. Dating is fun. There is nothing wrong with dating and enjoying your life with a date. Dating is to find the right person. Not to choose one arbitrarily. You can date and choose to break up, yyou’ll live I promise. If you don’t like someone after a date, or two, or hundreds there’s no shame in that. It’s not wrong. It’s healthy. If you choose to stay with someoneyou don’t like or doesn’t show love back like this article suggests, you can easily end up in a dead, unfulfilled relationship. Or at worst maybe even an abusive one. It’s entirely possible to find the right person by dating and dating multiple people while still maintaining your faith and boundaries.

      • I agree with you in a sense: it is fun to date. And if you’re in a relationship with someone who is not loving and you feel they are not someone you should be with then by ALL MEANS break up. You don’t have to marry your first boyfriend (although it is quite sweet if you do! I Also believe that if you truly wait on God instead of taking it into your own hands you will probably only date on person, or very few). It’s okay to break up and start afresh. But what she is saying in this article by “dating is not just for the fun of it” she means that you enter into a relationship seeking to find someone suitable to be your spouse. You don’t just date to date or because you’re lonely. In worldly relationships dating is simply to have sexual fulfillment and get the “butterflies” without commitment – for fun. We DO NOT have to follow the patterns of this world. I also agree that it is OF THE UTMOST importance to KEEP BOUNDARIES! Don’t kiss or engage in certain physical actions with someone you are dating or courting. It would be awful to engage in those actions and then break up leaving that man with a part of you.

    Project Inspired

    Hey there, welcome to Project Inspired. We're here to inspire you to know that God created you for a wonderful purpose. We are a community of believers who love God. You have gifts and talents from God that are unique to you, and we're here to guide you along the way.

    Read On

    4 Free Workout Apps to Help You Get Healthy From Home

    Do you want to pick up some new healthy habits but can't ever seem to find the time? You're not alone! But even if...

    How to Use Social Media for Good: 5 Tips

    Whether we want it to be or not, I would say that social media is no doubt going to continue being a part of...

    A Child’s Right to Life

    Our country is in the middle of a battle between abortion activists and the horrors of killing unborn children, and the many people and...

    Catch the Latest on TikTok and Instagram Reels!

    I’ve been having a lot of fun lately sharing videos on TikTok and Instagram Reels. There’s no doubt that social media can sometimes be...

    3 Important Lessons From Switched Every Girl Needs To Hear

    The reviews are in and Switched is a must-see movie for fall! This film is full of laughs and Freaky Friday-esque fun. But it...


    Stay connected with Project Inspired.