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    Dear Boy, Don’t Act Interested If You Aren’t

    Dear boy,

    I don’t have time for games.

    I don’t have time to guess what you’re feeling, to wonder at your flirtatious hints or to pick up the pieces you leave behind. I have a mission to accomplish. I’m on a path.

    When you act interested, but really aren’t, do you know what you’re doing? Do you know how your actions impact your sisters in Christ? You might feel like it’s harmless, just fun and games, but there are real hearts and emotions at play. You might be able to walk away—but what if she can’t? Is it all up to her to guard herself or do you have responsibility, too?

    You know you do. You know leading someone on is wrong, but you do it anyway. No one else might tell you this, so I will:

    We are your sisters in Christ. We’re not games to play or hearts to break. God holds you to a standard of honor and grace, the same standard we’re held to in regard to you. Even when you hurt us, we’re called to forgive. But we’re not called to be silent.

    We are ready to reciprocate true affection. Don’t take advantage of that. Vulnerability and trust are the foundation of lasting love. Seeing how much trust you can break isn’t a bragging right; it’s a character flaw.

    We want to respect you as a brother in Christ. But if you act interested and aren’t, you’re hurting more than just the girls you lead on. You’re hurting yourself. You’re hurting your own romantic future and reputation.

    Now, there’s a difference between “interest” and kindness. I’m not talking about simple courtesy here. Being a kind person can often lead people to think you’re more interested romantically than you actually are. But intentional pursuit without actual intention? It’s deceitful.

    And it’s unfair.

    So do your sisters a favor: If you’re interested in us, be interested. Pursue us, ask us out! We know it’s a risk. We know it’s scary. And we’re working on being better at this world of godly dating.

    But if you’re not interested, be honest. Don’t lead us on. Don’t flirt and play games and text and message only to move on to the next girl as if we never happened. Just be real.

    Love grows in honest places. It dies where trust dies. So if you aren’t interested, don’t flirt around to see if you are. Find someone you actually care about, and free us to do the same.

    Girls do this, too. Girls lead guys on, aren’t honest about why they break up—and this is a two-way street! But rather than compare and point fingers, set an example for us. Show us what honest dating looks like. Be real, be friendly and be frank.

    Because we don’t have time for games.

    We—and you, too—have a mission to accomplish in this world. We’re all on a path. So let’s walk it well, live it honestly and honor God in our treatment of one another.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimerhttps://phyliciamasonheimer.com/
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

    1 COMMENT

    1. Thank you so much for this post. I recently had a guy lead me on and in the end it really broke my heart. My heart still isn’t healed, and he moved on to the next girl like nothing happened. So thank you for this post. I really needed it?

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