“Do I Like Him or Just the Idea of Having a Boyfriend?”

    “So my problem is that I’m not sure if I like this guy. While it may sound silly, I’m confused as to whether I like him, or the idea of having a boyfriend. He is two years older than me and so cute. I love talking to him and want to whenever I can. However, I also view him as an ‘older brother’ figure in my life. I’m confused. Do I like him? Do I not? I just don’t know.”

    Crushes can be SO confusing…you’re definitely not the first girl to have had these feelings! But the fact that you’re asking whether or not you like him is a pretty good indication that you don’t–at least, not in that way. I mean, if you like someone, you’ll know, right? Also, you’re wondering whether your feelings are being prompted by the romantic idea of having a boyfriend…oh, and that he’s “so cute.” This is definitely a combination of emotions that could lead to rash decisions!

    When you decide to date someone, you should be sure of a few things:

    1. You’re ready to date.
    2. You like each other.
    3. He meets the criteria that you’re looking for in a husband.

    You know that you love talking to him and that you view him as an older brother figure. So why not just leave it at that? Why complicate things? I mean, what if you ask him out and he only sees you as a “little sister”? Would he feel uncomfortable hanging out with you? It seems as if your relationship is great as it is.

    Here’s what I think you should do…and what you shouldn’t do.

    1. Don’t reveal your feelings to him, since you’re not even sure that you like him or even that he’s the right person for you.
    2. Don’t try to overanalyze the relationship. It sounds like it is a brother/sister relationship. And if you’re happy with the way things are, you could risk the relationship if you try to change it.
    3. Enjoy the relationship as it is, without any expectations. Maybe God brought him into your life for that brother/sister relationship. Maybe that’s what you need right now. So thank God for that blessing.
    4. Let your confused emotions be a great indication that you may not be ready to date. Take time to learn about yourself, what you enjoy doing, what’s important to you and so on. You don’t want to enter any relationship until you are confident about who you are.
    5. Don’t get lost in a guy’s looks! It can blind you from seeing his heart.
    6. Don’t get caught up in the fantasy of having a boyfriend. Seriously! When the time comes and you’re ready, God will open that door!

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. Could someone please tell me what the “rules” are for age differences? I’m 15, turning 16 in two weeks. I have this guy friend who I’ve grown up with, we’re both christian homeschoolers, he turned 18 in December. I’m not in any hurry for a relationship, but in a situation like that, is it appropriate to date?

      • I don’t think there are really “rules” for that type of thing…obviously like 30 years different is crazy but there’s a couple who is happily married as far as I know at my church and they’re about seven years apart I think… I don’t think it’s wrong to date someone a couple years older as long as they’re not negatively influencing you in some way.

        • You need to look at the laws in your state. Some states that is illegal as of right now, so check it out and go from there 🙂

    2. Love this! I’m at the age where it’s totally fine to want a boyfriend, but that also means I have to guard my heart even more. Whatever you do, ladies, DO NOT mess up a friendship because you want something more. I told my friend I liked him and he, long story short, let me down politely. And then proceeded to lead me on for the next six months until he found someone he liked better. In the end, I’m the one who got hurt. Was it his fault? No. Was it all my fault? No. I got way too emotionally invested in the idea of being in a relationship that I got carried away on this rollercoaster. It didn’t help that he played with my feelings either. It wasn’t until I finally got some distance and time to get over it, that we both decided to apologize and move on. Be careful with your hearts! Give it to Jesus and he’ll guide you to a man that loves Him and who will truly cherish you, all in His perfect timing.

    3. When I read this, I thought it was ME talking! I have been in this situation TWICE. Both names start with A, both two years older than me, both in high school, both seniors, both Christians, and both attractive. One of them I was attached two for TWO YEARS. He was absolutely PERFECT (and he still is). He had never had a girlfriend and so I thought I had a chance with him, but then he did. I love his girlfriend so much, but for a long time I was extremely jealous even though I didn’t show it. With this guy I was mostly attracted to his powerful faith in God and his intelligence, which is better than being attracted to looks. He is probably the most beautiful boy/man I have ever seen based on faith, personality, looks, intelligence, and spirit. The other guy I like for 6 months before finally telling him. He is also very attractive and whenever we would talk we would obsess over the song “Untitled Hymn.” He was also on the swim team, making him very fit. He was always so nice to me, and after I told him that I liked him, he said he didn’t want a girlfriend because of college, that he didn’t want to make things awkward, and that I was more of a friend to him (he also said he has known I have liked him, which it honestly was very obvious in the first place). I consider the first guy to be like my older brother/crazy uncle whom I love SOOOOOO much and never want to loose, and the second guy is like an older brother/guy friend whom I love talking to about almost anything since we get along very well. These guys were just SO unbelievably perfect in my eyes that I was distracted from the reality that I need them as FRIENDS so that I can live my life without ever wondering, “DOES HE LIKE ME BACK OMG HE TEXTED ME OMG SNAPCHAT OH WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO KIM GRAB MY CHOCOLATE I THINK I AM GOING TO HAVE A MELTDOWN.”

      I have also liked one other guy since then whom everyone told I liked him, but I never personally told him. He texted me the other day to tell me that he saw us as friends and didn’t really want to be more than that. Right now I am trying to get over it still and I think I am now that he finally told me that it was NEVER going to happen. He is only a year older than me and we are friends, so I think I am going to try and keep it that way. 🙂

      Anyways, boys stink. It is a fact of life. No matter how perfect that guy you like is to you, he stinks both figuratively and probably literally. We don’t need to focus our attention on one or two guys to live our lives in peace. We need to focus on our relationship with God and being successful in him throughout our lives, and we will eventually be rewarded with the man we have always dreamed of. No man will be perfect, as no woman will ever be either. The difference between a relationship and a Godly courtship/relationship is that things don’t focus on how far you can go, how physical you are, or just being able to talk to each other compatibly. A Godly relationship focuses on growing in the Lord and in each other, being less physical than the ‘average’ couple, and saving both of ourselves until you have made a lifelong commitment to each other in the eyes of our Father.

      You know what, that really helped me. I am sitting here not focusing so much on what I am typing when it hits me… I NEEDED to hear myself say/type this. If it helps you too, try to help another person with a problem similar to your own. If you are anything like me, you will start babbling on about things that are simply easier said than done, not even realizing that you are not practicing what you preach! So to myself: YOU DON’T NEED A MAN! THIS IS NOT JUST THE CLICHE ‘GOD BEFORE MEN,’ THIS IS YOUR LIFE. YOU DON’T NEED TO LET DOWN YOUR GRADES, YOUR ACTIVITIES, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR STANDARDS, OR YOUR TIME WITH YOUR OWN HEAVENLY FATHER JUST TO SPEND TIME THINKING UP FANTACIES ABOUT THE GUY YOU CURRENTLY HAVE A CRUSH ON. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS, I HAVE SEEN HER BEFORE. NOW GET OUT THERE AND BE THE BEST CHRISTIAN GIRL THAT YOU CAN BE!

      That actually helped a lot. My breaths shortened and my heart started beating faster. I don’t know if this will help me tomorrow, a week from now, or even in a year, but right now I know what I need to do with my life rather than focus on interfering with God’s plans for my love life. Do you?

      • Lauren, that is so weird! I was the person who asked this question…so I totally relate! AND the guys name started with an A too! I am still learning to put my focus on God, rather than, as you said, fantasizing what life would be like with a boyfriend. One of my favorite quotes says, “A girl needs to be so lost in God, that a guy should have to seek him first, in order to find her.” I love that and I want to live that way! Even though my heart may melt a little everytime one of these guys talks to me, I want to be completely content with just God. I know that I can trust him to bring along the right guy. And hey, we can be in this thing together! 🙂

    4. So I like this guy and I think he likes me back as well but I have no clue how to tell if he does. He is a Christian and so am I we both go to youth group together and he is really sweet to me. I really want to start a deeper relationship with him but honestly I want him to make the first move and I dont even know if he likes me to. Please help! thanks

    5. Number 5 on this list is so true for me. I had a crush on this guy for like months! I didn’t know anything about him but I did know one thing. He was really good looking. But the thing I didn’t know was his character. And as I got to know him better I learned that he wasn’t a nice guy. He swore a lot and lied and was to me not living a christian life. Im over him now but never let guys looks make you fall for them.

    6. One thing I learned is that just because I feel love for someone doesn’t mean I do. Don’t base your love on feelings base it on a choice to commit to each other, and put each others higher good over your own. So this school year- I’m in the 9th grade… I had a crush on a really cute guy, but mostly because he had a charismatic personality and cool guy swag. lol, that’s kinda lame but I couldn’t help my feelings. I could also tell he liked me back. But we never talked. He would give me the flirty eyes- he was a player- but I wouldn’t flirt back because I wanted our relationship to be based on spiritual connection under God and his blessing- not physical attraction, attraction for each others personas and a real connection. not a connection based on flattery. I could tell he was a jerk, by the way he was disrespectful towards girls, he was even looking at me when he walking and holding his girlfriend’s hand. he also smoked weed. Even with all this he seemed like he had a good side. So I felt a deep love for him. Yes it felt like love. I asked God if maybe he could change him and then we could date. he moved six months ago. I didn’t even cry when I found out. And on Thursday I cried that in science class we were dissecting frogs.- I know they were already dead but I still felt bad for them.- so anyway, how could that be love. I now know that I want to save my heart for my future husband. I could love guys as friends but that “Love-Love” will be saved for my future husband. I cant control my feelings but I chose to have a love for my future husband above those feelings and pray that God take away those feelings. When I finally know who my future husband is we would already be friends and God will give us those romantic feelings and attraction, but our relationship will be based on God’s will and commitment to each other. Our feelings will be the icing on top.

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