First Move Roundtable: Focus on Friendship First
Written by Project Inspired | August 13, 2014
Last night my wife and I were up half the night taking care of our puking kids. It was a lot of cleaning bedsheets and pillowcases. And then a restful evening of being kicked in the back by my three-year-old as both kids crammed into our bed with us. This is what eight years of marriage looks like for me. And there is no other person that I would want to do this with than my best friend…my wife.
When thinking about the question “Can a girl make the first move?” my immediate thought is “Move to do what?” I mean, what’s your end game? My guess is that most of you who are reading this have the goal of having a healthy marriage with someone one day. There is the joy of love to experience in that, yes…but there are also a lot of mundane and even gross responsibilities that you are going to have to share together. And for that, I can tell you, you want to have a friend in that place.
So, speaking to you who desire that, making the “first move” is really the beginning stages of building a friendship. This is the way all long-term decisions are made. Imagine what you hope something looks like down the road, and start making choices now based on that future hope. It’s less of a practice of imagining their looks, habits and skills (those will always be a surprise), but more along the lines of what does healthy look like and how can I foster that from the get-go?
For me, the idea of someone’s gender being an issue in pursuing that kind of future isn’t an issue at all. Anyone is allowed to say, “Hey, I think we could be great friends.” Then start fostering that work. Because in the end, it’s friendship that is mostly the treasure you were always hoping to find.
—Scott Erickson, artist and husband/father