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Christian Life

First Move Roundtable: Focus on Friendship First

Scott Erickson

Last night my wife and I were up half the night taking care of our puking kids. It was a lot of cleaning bedsheets and pillowcases. And then a restful evening of being kicked in the back by my three-year-old as both kids crammed into our bed with us. This is what eight years of marriage looks like for me. And there is no other person that I would want to do this with than my best friend…my wife.

When thinking about the question “Can a girl make the first move?” my immediate thought is “Move to do what?” I mean, what’s your end game? My guess is that most of you who are reading this have the goal of having a healthy marriage with someone one day. There is the joy of love to experience in that, yes…but there are also a lot of mundane and even gross responsibilities that you are going to have to share together. And for that, I can tell you, you want to have a friend in that place.

So, speaking to you who desire that, making the “first move” is really the beginning stages of building a friendship. This is the way all long-term decisions are made. Imagine what you hope something looks like down the road, and start making choices now based on that future hope. It’s less of a practice of imagining their looks, habits and skills (those will always be a surprise), but more along the lines of what does healthy look like and how can I foster that from the get-go?

For me, the idea of someone’s gender being an issue in pursuing that kind of future isn’t an issue at all. Anyone is allowed to say, “Hey, I think we could be great friends.” Then start fostering that work. Because in the end, it’s friendship that is mostly the treasure you were always hoping to find.

Scott Erickson, artist and husband/father


Speech-Bubbles MORE ON MAKING THE FIRST MOVE: Go back to the First Move Roundtable now!


Image: Scott Erickson


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  1. Momoko

    Posted by Momoko on November 24, 2014 at 17:50

    I really appreciate the time you took into writing this and sharing this with us! Coming from a married man’s perspective, your article is very useful. As I’ve transitioned into college, I’ve met so many new friends, and many of them are guys. It’s now that I realize that you can be friends with a guys without expecting anything more from the relationship. This doesn’t mean that neither one of you won’t ever like each other, but I definitely agree that a strong friendship should proceed any kinds of romantic relationship.

  2. pinkgodlover

    Posted by pinkgodlover on October 6, 2014 at 13:27

    i’ve always gravitated to being friends with girls,that’s just the way it’s been for me.I don’t think i’ll be friends with a guy and if i do it’ll be years and years from now.but thanks for writing this

  3. Fuscha.Dragon77

    Posted by Fuscha.Dragon77 on October 6, 2014 at 03:58

    So.True. I love this!!

    This website actually gives real and godly advice for young women. I’ve looked at some other websites and it seems like they are trying to ruin a girl by saying “kiss him, and you’ll be on your way to world of rainbows and candy” but in reality it’s a set up for heartbreak. This site is saying take it slow and have godly intentions with every relationship you have. I love it 🙂

  4. maybeBabyTam

    Posted by maybeBabyTam on October 5, 2014 at 21:17

    This made me feel all happy and hopeful inside.

  5. Ginger Kid

    Posted by Ginger Kid on September 4, 2014 at 16:26

    Yes! Well said!