First Move Roundtable: Let Him Make the First Move




    Tara Teng Project inspired

    I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t wait around for things to happen. I’m all for bold gestures, leaps of faith and lavish displays of love. With my independent and strong-willed nature, I had no problem going after what I wanted during my younger years. I chose who I wanted to be with and I made them mine. I’d even joke with my girlfriends that I should have been born a man instead, since I was far better at taking the initiative than waiting to be asked out.

    Yet, none of those relationships were the one to ultimately succeed. Sometimes my boyfriends started to take me for granted and most just stopped making an effort altogether. Either way, it always ended with me breaking up with the boy I had fought so hard for.

    Now I deeply believe that successful relationships require equal effort from both parties and I’ve learned that when a man has his heart set on something, nothing will stand in his way! I’ve also learned that I want someone willing to fight for me in the same way that I am willing to fight for him.

    So let him make the first move. We all know that risking rejection is terrifying, so isn’t it nice to know that your man is brave and cares about you enough to put himself out there for you? Truly, it’s worth waiting to know that he values you so much. But you don’t have to be idle while you wait.

    1. God first. Everyone else second. I know. It’s the Christian cliché. But as a young teenage girl with a heart ready to jump on every romantic whim, I found it easy to forget who to give the #1 place in my heart some days. Don’t make the same mistake. Be a woman of faith, courage, consistent character and passion who fiercely lives out her love for God and for others in practical ways. If that kind of woman isn’t attractive, I don’t know what is.

    2. Make your presence known. In Ruth 3, Ruth put herself in Boaz’s path. I made the effort to get to know the man who eventually became my husband and he made a point of asking me to bring him to all of my events. Is there a boy out there who has your attention? Make an effort to be in his world and show an interest in who he is. Show him that you care and then see how he responds.

    3. Don’t just listen to his words; watch his actions closely, too. Actions reveal character and integrity. If you are making an effort to get to know someone, it’s important you make sure that his character is worthy of your time and affection. Watch how he chooses to act without any of your prompting. I once flew across the country for a boy (multiple times) who didn’t ever take initiative to move us into a serious dating relationship. The right man won’t take you for granted, waste your time or lead you on. Plus, fifty years from now, it’ll be character and integrity, not charming words, that keep your relationship strong.

    4. Seek counsel. I cannot stress the importance of having wise mentors in your life! Ruth had Naomi; I have my mama, my best friend and my pastor—wise, trusted spiritual leaders who know me, inside and out. Get your allies together and honestly hear what they have to say. Good friends will always have your back.

    5. Timing is everything. I’ll be the first to admit that patience isn’t my virtue. If I had it my way, I would have met my husband years ago, made the first move and be celebrating a century’s worth of marriage by now! But looking back over our lives, we can both agree that God’s timing is perfect. My way creates mess; God’s way creates beauty. Trust the process. God knows what He is doing and He is a far better author of epic love stories than we could ever be!

    Tara Teng, @MissTaraTeng, former Miss World Canada and abolitionist 


    Speech-Bubbles MORE ON MAKING THE FIRST MOVE: Go back to the First Move Roundtable now!


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    1. One of the guys at school I’ve known since we were kids. He’s been one of my best friends since we were nine, but lately I’ve begun to see him a bit differently. I’ve been suspecting it for a while now, but it’s only recently really surfaced. I’ve had “crushes” before, but this is different than what I remember. It’s deeper. I guess now is the only time that I’ve really been willing to admit it to myself. My perception of him has slowly been changing over the past two years or so, off-and-on, I suppose. He has the most incredible heart. It makes me grin just to think about it. He’s so supernaturally compassionate, so loyal, and those are qualities that I see as very important in someone. His faith is rock solid. Recently, though he can be shy, he stood up and spoke in front of the entire high school (we both go to a small Christian school) about an encounter with God that he had over the summer. He spoke with such authority as I have never seen in him before. I was so proud of him, and it goes without saying that I found that extremely attractive! He’s had two girlfriends since he got into high school; he’ll be my first boyfriend if the relationship is meant to happen. A lot of girls at school have liked them over the years, all because of his looks and athleticism. He told me once, “I wish there was a girl out there that liked me for me. Not for how I look or what I can do.” It made me so incredibly sad, though at the time, I didn’t know why. Now I do. I just wish I would have figured it out sooner. I’ve been getting my suspicions about his feelings perhaps changing about me, too. He’s acting strangely, but it’s a good strange. We went to Paris together over the summer (I KNOW!!!), and he was basically attached to my hip the entire time. Some parts of Paris can be pretty rough, as it is with every city, and he did not leave my side once unless a chaperone (especially my dad) was with me. That’s only the tip of the iceberg, and I won’t go into anything else here. This comment is already really long, and I’m not even quite done yet! 🙂
      When it comes to making the first move if this thing is to happen, I definitely agree with this article, especially given our context. He’s had issues with girls being extremely clingy and not giving him enough space, so I want him to initiate when he’s ready, if he’s ever ready. He needs a girl to show him the respect that he deserves, and given that the lack thereof in the past has hurt him, I’m MORE than OK with waiting on him, and on God for that matter. My prayer lately has been something along these lines: If this relationship is not in Your will, Lord, take my feelings for him away and fast. If it is, intensify them for both of us. I’d encourage you girls to do the same. Thank you so much for posting this article, and please keep the both of us in your prayers. Overall, let the Lord’s will be done.

    2. Thank you so much for your input! I really appreciate this, as this has been something I have been struggling with. I realize that if I put my feelings out there, I may get hurt. This has happened in the past when I boldly put my feelings out there way too soon. And I don’t want to ruin my friendship with this guy, either. I definitely want a man who is willing to pursue me. I just have to continue to trust God that He will take care of everything. <3

    3. This is a beautiful post. I like a boy now who’s feelings I am unsure of. I’m one to actually wait around and hope something happens (it’s probably cus I watch all those movies that sell me dreams lol!) but he hasn’t made any move yet, and I have heard before that if a guy wants something, he goes out to get it. This helps, I guess now I have to be more present nicer to him and then see how he responds. Thank you! 🙂

    4. I would like to concure with this article. I had been becoming very good friends with a boy for upwards of 9 months. He had not asked me to actually start dating, but we hung out at youth groups and with each other’s families 2 or 3 times per week. My feelings grew immensely over those months. Several of my girl friends said he needed to hurry up and ask me or that they would have just asked him, if in my shoes. I decided to wait because, if he isn’t bold enough to make the first move, he is not the right guy for me. I need a gentleman who is willing to lead me.

      Last week, he asked permission from my dad to start dating me. That next day he asked me. I was (and am) ecstatic! Through these eight months, we have learned to talk to each other, we have gotten used to each others families, and survived my senior year of high school.

      I am very glad I waited for him to move first. It gave me time to assess my feelings and pray and grow in my faith in both the Lord’s timing and my trust in the boy. I could not be happier with these past 6 days! We are both praying for the Lord’s guidance in our relationship.

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