I’ve gone back and forth on this issue a lot throughout my life. I’ve seen good relationships start with a girl making her feelings and intentions known, and I’ve seen a potentially bad relationship end in the same way. I’ve also seen guys “step up” and lead the discussion. I want to talk with you a little bit about how it happened with my wife and me.
We got to know each other as “just friends.” In fact, I initiated two or three “just friends” conversations because I was trying not to “get involved” (mostly because I liked her a lot and didn’t know what to do about it). It took some time, but she was patient with me. She stuck around because she valued my friendship and because she liked me, too! And after a couple of months (it seemed much longer), we started going out. Shortly after, we were engaged and then married (and now we have the cutest baby in the world). It’s been quite a journey and it began with me starting the conversation.
Now, let’s backtrack a little bit. First, I have no problem with a girl initiating a conversation. And some people do, which is really strange to me. I’ve heard stories of guys feeling offended when a girl initiates a conversation via text or calls them out of the blue. I think that’s pretty weird, but that’s just me. I’m not threatened at all by the prospect of equality between men and women, and I wouldn’t have felt threatened if my wife had been the one to initiate all of our conversations about our relationship. That being said, you know how my relationship played out.
What I’m trying to say is this is what’s worked for me, but there are a lot of ways to do relationships. I think one of the most important things to keep in mind is that you shouldn’t fight for a harmful relationship or a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you. And if you have to initiate every conversation about the relationship, if the friendship is completely one-sided, it may be time to move on.