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    Roundtable: Can a Girl Make the First Move?

    This is a question that’s been swirling around in the relationship ether for a while now. A girl will like a guy, but for whatever reason, they’re at a seeming relational stalemate. Maybe one likes the other, but who’s to know? And even if they’ve both let on that they like each other, who should be the first to initiate the conversation about the future of the relationship?

    These are important questions and there are a lot of different thoughts on what is right and good to do in these situations. I hope you read each of our opinions and check what we say against what’s in the Bible, what you see to be true in your own lives and the wise counsel from older people around you. As always, talk it out in the comments and respect others’ opinions! We believe in you!

     

    ZACH’S VIEW: THE RELATIONSHIP IS WHAT’S IMPORTANT, NOT HOW IT STARTS

    Zach Hunter headshot

    “I think one of the most important things to keep in mind is that you shouldn’t fight for a harmful relationship or a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you.” (Read more)

    —Zach Hunter, anti-slavery activist and author of Chivalry and Be the Change 

     

    TARA’S VIEW: LET HIM MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

    tara

    “I’ve… learned that I want someone willing to fight for me in the same way that I am willing to fight for him.” (Read more)

    —Tara Teng, former Miss World Canada and abolitionist (tarateng.com)

     

    SCOTT’S VIEW: FOCUS ON FRIENDSHIP FIRST

    Scott Erickson

    “Making the ‘first move’ is really the beginning stage of building a friendship.” (Read more)

    —Scott Erickson, artist and husband/father (scottericksonart.com)

     

    JULIE’S VIEW: KNOW YOURSELF FIRST

    Julie Hill

    “Can a girl make the first move? She can. Should she? Let us consider: Rather than calling attention to ourselves, may we as women move others to awaken to the fullness of life, the essence of beauty and the adventure of living fully alive.” (Read more)

    —Julie Hill, activator and educator at USA Triathlon

    Zach Hunter
    I'm... not a girl. But I am a proud contributor to the upcoming Project Inspired roundtable discussions on a variety of topics! I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts! Hit me up- Twitter: @zachjhunter Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ZachHunterOfficial

    14 COMMENTS

    1. I really think the important part, if a girl wants to begin a relationship, is that she doesn’t pressure the guy too much. Some guys will say yes just cause they want an girlfriend and they feel pushed into having one. That can just be a heart breaker. So my advice to those girls who wants to make the first move? Go for it but take it slow. Talk to him a lot and consider hanging out with him and a group of friends for a while first before you do any one on one. If he is the right one, he will return your advances.

    2. Call me old fashioned but I like when the guy makes the first move, I think it demonstrates a level of maturity if they’re looking for something more than dating- I believe that boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are meant for getting to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with not for fun or for trying stuff out, so if the guy that I’m praying for, who is also showing interest in me, can’t muster the courage to tell me how he feels it’s either a) not meant to be or b) not the right time- I feel like I’d be taking matters into my own hands and not letting God be in control 🙂

      • I agree! I don’t think letting the guy make the first move is dis-empowering; in my opinion, if a guy likes you enough to want to pursue a relationship with you, he should be willing to make the first move. But that doesn’t mean we girls don’t have to contribute anything to the relationship either!! But that’s just my opinion. I think it mainly depends on your personality. I’m more laid-back, so I prefer to let the guy make the first move. But some girls are more outgoing and confident, so I think it’s ok for them to make a move if they feel comfortable with it. 🙂

    3. First move? I guess it’s okay to put yourself out there, maybe start with friendly chit chat. Build up a friendship first. If he feels the same way, trust me, you will know! And no matter how shy he is, if he really likes you, he’ll think you’re worth pursuing.
      However, no matter how nice he is, don’t rush things. You need to ask the important questions, instead of making assumptions. I really wish someone would have told me that.

    4. Is telling your guy friend how you feel about him considered “making a first move”? Also considering he already knows. I know I’m not technically asking him out but I am opening the door aren’t I? #confusion
      We are good friends now but I just don’t know if that’s being too forward.

    5. I don’t think it really matters who makes the first move. Either way, the important thing is making sure that you’re turning to God for guidance and that you’re both emotionally and spiritually mature enough to handle the results of the relationship, whether negative or positive

    6. I am totally tired of this idea that guys should make the first move – it is incredibly disempowering. If we are to be equals in this relationship, then it shouldn’t start with me having to wait around for him to like me first or work up the courage to ask me out. Both parties should have the freedom of expression of feelings. Whether or not the feelings end up being mutual is a another issue 😉

    7. I think that a girl can totally start a friendship, she can text him first, she can say hi first, she can do anything she wants first…but let him actually ask you out. Do you really want to date a guy who can’t even ask a girl out on a date?

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